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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log โœจ

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ญ๐Ÿ‡ท has viewed:

I don’t care about life on other planets. I don’t even have a life on this one.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ฎ๐Ÿ‡ธ has viewed:

I have the bruises of a much more active person.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ฒ๐Ÿ‡ฑ has shared:

Doing some skin care routine but my skin doesn’t care.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ฌ๐Ÿ‡ถ has viewed:

Why is everyone looking for intelligent life in space? Can we please start on Earth first?

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ถ๐Ÿ‡ฆ has bookmarked:

Never feel bad when people roll their eyes while you talk to them. They’re just looking for their brain.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ซ๐Ÿ‡ท has shared:

At bedtime, I ceremonially move the claw clip from my hair to the bag of chips, signifying the end of the day.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ฑ๐Ÿ‡พ has downloaded:

Why do we call it tuna fish? Is there any other tuna out there thatโ€™s not a fish?

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ฉ๐Ÿ‡ฐ has downloaded:

Tolerate the lactose already, you heathen.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ฑ๐Ÿ‡ท has shared:

An agenda reveal party, where I surprise everyone with all the things I hope to accomplish this weekend.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡จ๐Ÿ‡ฑ has shared:

Asking for a donation like Wikipedia every time someone asks me a question.

Funny Quotes Data ๐Ÿค“

New Funny Quotes

764 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

10,926

Funny Quotes Topics

13,898

Funny Quotes Images

10,926

Updated

38 minutes ago

Users Online

3,434

Social Media Log ๐Ÿ’ซ

Making waves on Slack:

Forget tagging friends, I want to be able to tag my enemies.

Spreading quickly via Snapchat:

Welcome to your fifties. Saturday Night Fever now means lots of rest, cold medicine, and chicken noodle soup.

Seen just now on WeChat:

What base is it when youโ€™re flirting with a woman, and she asks, โ€œAre you all rightโ€?

Just landed via YouTube:

Everytime I spend $20 I think this is fine because I wonโ€™t do it again. And then would you believe.

Just landed via Pinterest:

Love when plans get canceled. Itโ€™s like getting a snow day as an adult.

Trending via Facebook:

No, I love darkness at 5pm and the death of a nation.

Just landed via X:

Gordon Ramsay is only funny because he’s not talking to me like that.

Reported on Telegram:

Declined stepping on the scale at the doctorโ€™s office because no one needs that kind of negativity in her life.

Making waves on WhatsApp:

80% of arguments start because someone hasnโ€™t eaten yet.

Reported on Messenger:

The only thing limiting what you can put in a sandwich is your imagination and the laws of physics.

No more relationships for me, the last one was an embarrassment to my gangsta.

No more relationships for me, the last one was an embarrassment to my gangsta.
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Funny Quotes Data ๐Ÿค“

New Funny Quotes

764 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

10,926

Funny Quotes Topics

13,898

Funny Quotes Images

10,926

Updated

38 minutes ago

Users Online

3,426

Funny Quotes of the Month ๐Ÿš€

Funny Quotes of the Year โญ

Activity Log โœจ

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡พ๐Ÿ‡ช has copied:

Grocery shopping while hungry feels like online shopping while drunk.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ฆ๐Ÿ‡ฉ has viewed:

Is it still murder if they said, โ€œSome other time,โ€ but I thought they said smother time?

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡จ๐Ÿ‡ฌ has viewed:

I just want what every middle-aged person wants: to remember what it was that I wanted.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ธ๐Ÿ‡ฉ has downloaded:

Nobody gets angrier than a man being accused of something he actually did.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡จ๐Ÿ‡ฉ has shared:

Fellas, be sure to never ask a lady any questions on a date. This makes them feel interrogated. Strong declarative statements only.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ป๐Ÿ‡บ has copied:

I made a resolution to eat better and exercise in the new year but didnโ€™t specify which year I was referring to.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ง๐Ÿ‡ช has bookmarked:

My opinion of the American education system is largely based on how many nuggets I get when I order a ten piece.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡บ๐Ÿ‡ฆ has shared:

Old and bitter feels much better than I thought it would.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ธ๐Ÿ‡ฉ has shared:

Distance is my jam; solitude is my peanut butter.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡น๐Ÿ‡ฌ has downloaded:

I need a button in Zoom meetings where it just freezes my screen and makes it look like Iโ€™m having network issues.

Social Media Log ๐Ÿ’ซ

Seen just now on Twitch:

They should make statues of regular people, like you’re walking through the park and there’s a statue of your friend Jeff.

Just shared via Snapchat:

I really think tossing and turning at night should be counted as exercise.

Trending via Twitch:

People say “go big or go home” like going home is a bad thing. Heck yeah, I want to go home, and I’ll have a nap when I get there.

Seen just now on Pinterest:

Remember, when asking for a raise, it is considered customary to be sober.

Spreading quickly via Messenger:

She was rare. Like a meth head with good teeth.

Spotted on X:

People are always saying โ€œnot today, Satanโ€ but what if we just hear him out.

Shared recently on Twitch:

As parents we have to make sacrifices all the time. Today, I had to eat my kidโ€™s ice cream because she couldnโ€™t finish it.

Trending via WeChat:

I already want to take a nap tomorrow.

Seen just now on Pinterest:

I laugh at my own jokes because I am my target audience. Y’all just happen to be there.

Making waves on Messenger:

If we keep saving daylight, daylight will never learn to save itself.

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