Wordgag ツ

10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇸🇨 has viewed:

I called the cops on my own party, because I was ready to go to bed.

Someone from 🇧🇳 has copied:

The idea that wisdom teeth are just some random glitch that God forgot to patch, so now we have to pull them out with modern technology, is retarded.

Someone from 🇸🇦 has downloaded:

Revenge has no expiry date. I will deal with you when I’m ready.

Someone from 🇲🇷 has viewed:

Every once in a while, I go outside and run the vacuum cleaner on the driveway, just to make sure the neighbors never talk to me.

Someone from 🇳🇿 has copied:

Getting married soon. Just need a spouse.

Someone from 🇮🇸 has copied:

Is it cool if I come into your life and just never leave, like a stray cat?

Someone from 🇫🇯 has copied:

Bro, you will never rewatch that 7-minute video you took of fireworks. Just live in the moment.

Someone from 🇨🇬 has copied:

What is your favorite movie where Tom Cruise runs really fast?

Someone from 🇺🇸 has bookmarked:

Sometimes, I wonder what my life would be like if I had a good haircut.

Someone from 🇭🇹 has bookmarked:

Sorry I’m late, I got here as soon as I wanted to.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

218 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,487

Funny Quotes Topics

17,559

Funny Quotes Images

15,487

Updated

Jan 5, 2026

Users Online

3,689

Social Media Log 💫

Trending via Instagram:

Hi. I didn’t mean to “like” your tweet. I was scraping dried jelly off my phone.

Freshly posted on WhatsApp:

Wow, pretty rude for people to exist who are younger and hotter than me, but OK.

Spreading quickly via Slack:

That pile of clothes on my bed, seems to have strange powers and gets higher on its own.

Seen just now on Reddit:

Just found out about confirmation bias, and now every article I read totally proves I was right to be worried about it.

Spotted on Reddit:

Helpful police officer reminded me he’s the one asking the questions.

Seen just now on WhatsApp:

Looks fade but dark, twisted, inappropriate humor is forever.

Seen just now on TikTok:

Jurassic Park came out decades ago, and now I feel like a fossil.

Trending via Pinterest:

Ghosting is disrespectful unless it’s me doing it.

Seen just now on X:

Instead of presents this year, I’m giving everyone my opinion. Get excited!

Going viral on TikTok:

I’ve accepted I’ll never retire. I’ll be working up until my funeral… probably using a vacation day for it.

No pre-workout, just flashbacks of stuff I let slide.

2 months ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
"Fueling my workout with the power of past regrets and questionable life choices! 😂💪 #FlashbackFitness"

exercise, flashback, flashbacks, gym, humor, i, just, let, letting, letting slide, motivation, pre-workout, procrastination, regret, slide, stuff

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Birthday sex is having sex to celebrate your parents having sex.

0

2 months ago

birthday, celebrate, celebration, fun, humor, irony, parents, relationship, sex
Please twerk; I have just days left.

0

2 months ago

activity, days, deadline, fun, fun activity, humor, i, just, left, please, twerk, urgency
I never get as envious of parents as I do when their baby starts crying and they get to leave the event.

0

2 months ago

baby, crying, envy, escape, event, gathering, humor, i, leave, parents, social, social gathering
If you sweat while you eat, it should count as a workout.

0

2 months ago

count, eat, exercise, food, humor, should, sweat, workout
I need one of those jobs they have in sitcoms, where it pays my rent but interferes with exactly zero of my social plans or situations.

0

2 months ago

balance, exactly, humor, i, job, jobs, need, plans, rent, sitcom, situation, situations, social, social plans, where, work life, work-life balance
After weeks of using an anti aging cream, I can now proudly say: I now have very well-maintained wrinkles.

0

2 months ago

aging, anti, anti aging, beauty, cream, humor, i, irony, say, self-care, weeks, well-maintained, wrinkles

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

98 shares on Discord this month:

The horror: “Come on, I’ll introduce you to everyone.”

26 shares on Messenger this month:

If I’m wrongly accused of a crime, I’m going to prison. I’m way too introverted to have an alibi.

32 shares on Slack this month:

You should be allowed to miss work if you’re not feeling sexy.

99 shares on X this month:

My car is making strange noises but it’s just me singing.

81 shares on X this month:

Genies are a myth perpetuated by creepy lamps who just want to get rubbed more.

34 shares on WeChat this month:

Sorry, can’t make it, just remembered I don’t want to.

72 shares on Twitch this month:

My boss doesn’t want dogs in the office. But he didn’t say anything about alpacas.

87 shares on Pinterest this month:

Adulthood these days is just bills and running out of memory on devices.

11 shares on X this month:

Moment of silence for those who received mugs that aren’t microwave- and dishwasher-safe.

11 shares on Snapchat this month:

Gordon Ramsay is making us dinner. It’s a four curse meal.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇦🇷 has bookmarked:

People who say “teamwork makes the dream work” are the reason that some people want to punch other people in the face.

Someone from 🇲🇼 has downloaded:

I’m not afraid of ghosts because everyone who’s mad at me is still alive.

Someone from 🇦🇫 has copied:

We’re all just a bunch of addicts, struggling with our drug of choice.

Someone from 🇷🇸 has shared:

Just found out my 84-year-old neighbour is on his own tomorrow, so I’ve just been over to collect his spare chairs to borrow.

Someone from 🇲🇽 has shared:

Today I bought a doughnut without sprinkles. This diet thing is hard.

Someone from 🇪🇸 has shared:

I’ve just told my doctor I have all the Monkey Pox symptoms. He asked me to swing by tomorrow.

Someone from 🇧🇯 has bookmarked:

Sometimes I’ll drink a ginger ale and eat a Biscoff cookie and sit up in kind of an unnatural position and pretend I’m on a Delta flight.

Someone from 🇭🇷 has copied:

I always make sure the garage door is shut. Wouldn’t want hoodlums stealing the stuff I’ve been meaning to get rid of for years.

Someone from 🇲🇬 has bookmarked:

I hate it when my AirPods die instead of me.

Someone from 🇭🇹 has copied:

Everyone is celebrating my vegan Bolognese sauce. The secret ingredient is minced meat.

Social Media Log 💫

Trending via Discord:

If you talk about astrology, and no one stops you, it means you must be incredibly pretty.

Shared recently on Slack:

Inside you, there are two wolves. Kevin Costner is dancing with both of them. I don’t know how this works.

Making waves on TikTok:

Getting into male-dominated fields like falling asleep on the couch.

Freshly posted on Reddit:

If they don’t look at you like you’re magic, disappear like Houdini.

Trending via Messenger:

Kinda lame that pretending everything is fine isn’t working.

Just landed via Discord:

The more attention you get on this website, the less you enjoy being on it.

Spreading quickly via WeChat:

I wish people would stop holding back and use social media to tell us how they really feel.

Making waves on Messenger:

Taking screenshots of the screenshots buried in my photo library to ‘bring them to the front.’ It’s not a great system, I admit.

Making waves on Telegram:

I’m not lazy, I’m an inactivist.

Live now on Messenger:

You look like the result of a failed CIA experiment.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

No pre-workout, just flashbacks of stuff I let slide.

Related Funny Quotes 🤝

Birthday sex is having sex to celebrate your parents having sex.

Please twerk; I have just days left.

I never get as envious of parents as I do when their baby starts crying and they get to leave the event.

If you sweat while you eat, it should count as a workout.

I need one of those jobs they have in sitcoms, where it pays my rent but interferes with exactly zero of my social plans or situations.

After weeks of using an anti aging cream, I can now proudly say: I now have very well-maintained wrinkles.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨