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10,000+ funny quotes

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Someone from 🇵🇪 has downloaded:

Y’all screenshot payment confirmations to make sure they don’t play with y’all too?

Someone from 🇲🇿 has copied:

I’m at the age where living in the woods and arguing with a raccoon sounds like a peaceful retirement plan.

Someone from 🇸🇲 has bookmarked:

The easiest diet is lack of money. You don’t have to do anything.

Someone from 🇳🇬 has viewed:

Everything is awful, and no one is going to save you from this treacherous world. Oops, I mean, happy Friday!

Someone from 🇱🇷 has bookmarked:

Libraries were a good start, but we need more places where people can’t talk.

Someone from 🇸🇧 has downloaded:

I wonder how my close personal beloved friend Taylor Swift is doing today.

Someone from 🇵🇬 has copied:

They should invent a word for when you’re alive but not really living.

Someone from 🇱🇧 has downloaded:

I hope nobody sees me eating by myself and feels sorry for me. I’m having the time of my life.

Someone from 🇯🇴 has viewed:

Why read the room when you can leave the room?

Someone from 🇲🇼 has copied:

There are two types of people: Those who steal food off your plate and those who you keep in your life.

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Funny Quotes Total

15,753

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17,766

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15,753

Updated

Jan 31, 2026

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Social Media Log 💫

Shared recently on Pinterest:

The highest act of rebellion is to relax unconditionally.

Just shared via Facebook:

If she says “so just what exactly is THAT supposed to mean”, you’re gonna have a bad time.

Broadcasted on Pinterest:

I am a man, a man with a cold, so I guess this is goodbye.

Freshly posted on Snapchat:

There’s an app for the people who say they’re not seeking some form of validation here. It’s called a diary.

Going bananas on Slack:

The Bachelor is like “Meet Savannah from Brooklyn, Madison from Savannah, Brooklyn from Madison”

Trending via TikTok:

Make sure you stock up on condoms, so you don’t produce any more idiots.

Shared recently on Twitch:

Men be like, “That’s my dream girl,” then ruin her perspective of love forever.

Trending via Telegram:

Make every hug more interesting by mysteriously whispering, “the Dark Lord stands at the crossroads!”

Making waves on LinkedIn:

“God has a plan for you.” OK, is God open to a little feedback?

Just landed via TikTok:

If someone drunk texts you, appreciate it. They’ve thought of you when they can barely think straight.

Not many things sadder than an untickled fancy.

2 hours ago

Funny Quotes

Clever humorous quote about the sadness of an untickled fancy drink.

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Commentary:
"Guess I have a PhD in Unticklology! 😅🎓"

emotion, fancy, humor, irony, sadness, sarcasm, things, wit

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14 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Spent most of the day making sure the couch still works. So far so good.

19 shares on Snapchat this month:

If I was a little smarter, I’d be aware of how stupid I am.

91 shares on Twitch this month:

For my future, I wish for another planet and a ticket to get there.

40 shares on Slack this month:

Need to become a tour guide. I’ve just realized it’s the only job I can think of that combines my loves of walking around and knowing more than everyone around me.

92 shares on Threads this month:

First date idea: you bring me coffee in bed, and we snuggle all morning.

98 shares on X this month:

My plan is to die young as late as possible.

80 shares on Discord this month:

Sarah Connor would be awfully disappointed in us all, letting this Grok into our lives.

82 shares on Pinterest this month:

They should make a movie that’s good the whole way through.

19 shares on X this month:

Texting my boss from the job I got laid off from 5 months ago and telling him I have diarrhea.

10 shares on X this month:

I accidentally relaxed too much, and now I don’t have enough anxiety to get stuff done.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇬🇳 has bookmarked:

I got confused by all the yard signs, and I think I may have voted for a realtor.

Someone from 🇸🇪 has downloaded:

I don’t flirt. I just say weird things and hope you interpret them romantically.

Someone from 🇨🇦 has viewed:

I use a headshot from 2008 on my LinkedIn to prepare future employers for disappointment.

Someone from 🇦🇩 has viewed:

I wish I had the free time of someone who leaves a positive Amazon review for a rake.

Someone from 🇹🇭 has viewed:

I want a pet eagle that’s trained to steal people’s sandwiches for me.

Someone from 🇪🇷 has downloaded:

I’d like to meet the person who decided that if you wanted to get married fast, it had to be done by Elvis.

Someone from 🇫🇯 has downloaded:

I love sleeping. You don’t spend any money and you don’t miss anyone.

Someone from 🇹🇬 has viewed:

Corporate life requires an ass-licking skill set I simply wasn’t born with.

Someone from 🇹🇭 has copied:

screenshotting people’s close friends and posting it directly to my own story.

Someone from 🇱🇻 has bookmarked:

I hope this email keeps you awake at night.

Social Media Log 💫

Seen just now on Reddit:

You are the Monday of my life.

Just shared via Telegram:

Your problems are neither sexual nor spiritual, they are gastrointestinal.

Making waves on Instagram:

I’m perfectly approachable as long as you’re carrying a plate of nachos.

Freshly posted on Twitch:

Every citizen over 18 should be eligible to be drafted into the Postal Service.

Freshly posted on Reddit:

You can tell a lot about someone based on which Spice Girl they were most attracted to.

Going viral on Facebook:

I cannot hear a word you are saying if your hoodie strings are uneven.

Freshly posted on LinkedIn:

He’s a 10 but so is his volume.

Freshly posted on Threads:

I am such a fun person and so easy to get along with as long as the layout I have secretly imagined for the entire day goes exactly as I planned it without variation or interruption.

Just landed via Messenger:

Hate when people ask “why is it called Silence of the Lambs?” Like, did you hear any lambs during the movie? Use your head!

Making waves on TikTok:

I have been touched inappropriately by the sun today.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Not many things sadder than an untickled fancy.

You want to go out in the sun and then you can’t get the couch through the door.

I don’t need the web for attention, I jog in a wedding dress.

Watching a movie on the plane? No thanks. Watching my seatmate’s movie with no audio and not understanding what’s going on for over an hour? Yassss.

Eating healthy requires a second job.

I only have one wish in life… For all my dreams to come true.

People would be more motivated to lose weight if the weight they lost went on to someone they didn’t like.

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Activity Log ✨

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Not many things sadder than an untickled fancy.

Keep the laugh going 😂

You want to go out in the sun and then you can’t get the couch through the door.

I don’t need the web for attention, I jog in a wedding dress.

Watching a movie on the plane? No thanks. Watching my seatmate’s movie with no audio and not understanding what’s going on for over an hour? Yassss.

Eating healthy requires a second job.

I only have one wish in life… For all my dreams to come true.

People would be more motivated to lose weight if the weight they lost went on to someone they didn’t like.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨