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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇸🇳 has viewed:

Unfortunately, I wasn’t built for casual dating, I’m only built for intense soul crushing love at first sight.

Someone from 🇨🇱 has shared:

Wow, pretty rude for people to exist who are younger and hotter than me, but OK.

Someone from 🇪🇹 has downloaded:

My spirit animal is chasing his own tail.

Someone from 🇩🇲 has downloaded:

Forgetting how to clean the dishes and shooting them with a gun.

Someone from 🇪🇪 has bookmarked:

It’s been my experience that people seem a lot nicer before we get married.

Someone from 🇶🇦 has copied:

Hey kid, wanna hear a scary story? One day, you will be able to do whatever you want, and you will choose to stay home alone.

Someone from 🇨🇿 has downloaded:

I’m a little too self-aware to enjoy life, and a little too delusional to give up.

Someone from 🇦🇹 has viewed:

At some point, I need to admit my ‘guilty pleasure’ music taste is just my music taste now.

Someone from 🇲🇻 has downloaded:

No, I don’t comment, I voodoo doll like a real adult.

Someone from 🇹🇬 has copied:

Instead of being constantly irritated by other people’s flaws, I’ve decided to become more self-absorbed.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

243 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,512

Funny Quotes Topics

17,578

Funny Quotes Images

15,512

Updated

Jan 7, 2026

Users Online

3,501

Social Media Log 💫

Spreading quickly via LinkedIn:

Discord is only good for calling friends on the computer. Please do not waste your time getting caught up in random servers.

Freshly posted on WeChat:

In your twenties, there may be love. It’s very important to ignore this love and pursue a master’s instead.

Freshly posted on WeChat:

Enjoy the time between diapers!

Going viral on X:

I’m like 2% cute and 98% ugly.

Shared recently on Reddit:

Having teens is fun because they demand their independence but then turn right around and ask you for $20.

Trending via Slack:

Expecting your first baby’s exciting, but have you ever ordered a new coffee machine?

Seen just now on TikTok:

Santa keeps a pair of mounted antlers over his fireplace to keep the reindeer from unionizing.

Going bananas on Discord:

Exercise won’t cure your depression, but it can make you hotter than your enemies.

Broadcasted on X:

At this point, I’m sure I’ll meet an alien or zombies before I meet the love of my life!

Freshly posted on Pinterest:

I was disappointed to learn today that my request for a sabbatical was rejected. Apparently that’s “not how marriage works.”

One person’s logic is another one’s “what the heck?”

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One person’s logic is another one’s “what the heck?”
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Commentary:
"Ah, the age-old battle between logic and 'what the heck?!' 🤔🤷‍♂️ It's all about perspective, folks! Just remember, sometimes the best solutions come from a little bit of both. 🤪🧠 #MindBlown"

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Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

86 shares on X this month:

Sometimes the whole point of going out is to then really savor coming back home.

69 shares on Telegram this month:

Hobosexual. A person who dates you with the sole interest of having a place to stay.

89 shares on TikTok this month:

Keep your friend’s toast and your enemy’s toaster.

80 shares on Pinterest this month:

Clothes too dirty for the closet, but too clean for laundry. Welcome to: the chair.

74 shares on X this month:

I always tell my kids that it’s okay to make mistakes just as long as you learn how to blame them on other people.

21 shares on Threads this month:

I wish I could throw tomatoes at comments.

24 shares on Facebook this month:

Pepsi & Coca-Cola can’t even be in the same restaurant… and we want world peace.

53 shares on TikTok this month:

Gonna break into your house, toast all your bread and put it back in the bag.

26 shares on Instagram this month:

“Do you like using Twitter?” Does Sisyphus like his boulder?

88 shares on LinkedIn this month:

The real body count is how many people are in therapy because of you.

Trending Topics 📁

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Hot Jokes 💥

18 folks are currently checking 👀

Scientists just confirmed that our dreams were real in another reality.

25 folks are currently checking 👀

Why the hell is my laundry bin always full? I’m not even going anywhere.

5 folks are currently checking 👀

If I buy the circus, the monkey will be the manager.

20 folks are currently checking 👀

I’ll stop being so lazy when being so lazy stops being so awesome.

6 folks are currently checking 👀

Is ‘ugh’ an emotion? Because I fell it all the time.

15 folks are currently checking 👀

I like to scan my backyard every hour with a high power flashlight to let my neighbors know I won’t tolerate any weirdness around here.

12 folks are currently checking 👀

I think Bigfoot had it right, stay in hiding from all the shitty human beings.

18 folks are currently checking 👀

Intro to salsa class was weird, I starved myself all day, there was no chips or dips and then these weirdos were all grabby and dancing around.

13 folks are currently checking 👀

See you when you get home from school, I whisper to my kid’s apple.

23 folks are currently checking 👀

When I say I’m saving myself for marriage, what I mean is you won’t know how annoying I am until it’s too late.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

243 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,512

Funny Quotes Topics

17,578

Funny Quotes Images

15,512

Updated

Jan 7, 2026

Users Online

3,307

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇮🇶 has downloaded:

I am sick and tired of going to the bathroom. It’s been forty years. It should all be out by now.

Someone from 🇵🇼 has shared:

This family has a lot of nerve wearing all these clothes after I just did laundry.

Someone from 🇵🇹 has bookmarked:

“I’m getting tired of everything being 100 dollars and 100 degrees.”

Someone from 🇵🇦 has bookmarked:

I’m so sick of these little 30-minute weekends.

Someone from 🇩🇯 has bookmarked:

You don’t see guys traveling around on those seesaw-type push carts on railroad tracks anymore.

Someone from 🇳🇿 has copied:

A fun thing to do on a first date is wear a wedding dress.

Someone from 🇵🇰 has bookmarked:

I find pleasure in closing tabs in my wife’s brain. This worry… done. That task… complete.

Someone from 🇳🇪 has copied:

Me, telling my kids we’re leaving in 30 minutes: We’re leaving in 5 minutes.

Someone from 🇬🇪 has bookmarked:

I wanna meet the person whose parents are super disappointed he went to medical school instead of becoming a stand-up comedian.

Someone from 🇸🇪 has copied:

Me, at the intervention: “Ah look, all the reasons I drink gathered in one place.”

Social Media Log 💫

Making waves on WeChat:

Anyone who thinks being a pessimist isn’t any fun fails to appreciate the joy of saying, ‘I told you so.’

Trending via Discord:

Nobody told me that when you get a husband the ears are sold separately.

Just shared via Telegram:

Andrew Tate is what you’d get if Axe body spray gained consciousness.

Just shared via WhatsApp:

No need for a Halloween costume this year because there’s nothing scarier than being in your mid-20s and not knowing who you are or what you want to do anymore.

Just landed via Discord:

Nowadays an “all-nighter” means I didn’t have to get up to pee.

Trending via Pinterest:

I am a full grown adult. Now listen to me discuss the various plot holes in Paw Patrol.

Shared recently on Messenger:

My cat just sneezed a bunch of times in a row and then hissed at himself. What an icon!

Making waves on Threads:

Yes, I’d love to learn your family card game. I’m sure it won’t be excruciating at all.

Trending via Slack:

My only regret is not leaving people alone the first time they moved funny.

Freshly posted on YouTube:

Soon as vampires become real, I’m first in line for my bite.

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