Commentary:
Turning you on: level expert 🌟✨ Now, let the waiting game begin! 🎮😏
“Fox Mulder” is an aggressively sexy name.
Commentary:
Proof that even FBI agents can come with a sense of style—and smolder! 🔥🕵️♂️👽
It’s funny we got universal near-perfect free translation, and the world didn’t really change at all.
Commentary:
I guess the universal translator didn't get the memo to translate my cat's meows into English 😹🌐✨
Commenting “This could be us” on her pics with her boyfriend.
Commentary:
That's one way to audition for the role of leading man in the wrong movie! 🎬😅
I hear the responses my young siblings give my mom, and I’m speechless; they don’t know the commando she was in her prime.
Commentary:
Those kids are playing with fire; they're about to learn what a real life ninja mom can do! 😂🥷🔥
I missed out on drowning tragically young in a suburban swimming pool.
Commentary:
Looks like dodging those pool floaties saved you for bigger adventures! 🌊😅🏊♂️
My New Year’s resolution is to emit a powerful beam of light.
Commentary:
Becoming a human flashlight is a bright idea! 🔦😄
How do people post 25 times a day? The only thing I can do 25 times a day is pee.
Commentary:
Guess I better start live-streaming my bathroom breaks to keep up! 🚽😂📱
Rewatching Avengers: Age of Ultron. Despite the title, they never tell you how old Ultron is.
Commentary:
I guess it's impolite to ask a robot his age 🤖🕐 #AgelessAI
My toxic trait is thinking every inconvenience is the universe personally attacking me.
Commentary:
Guess I'm not paranoid, the universe *is* out to get me! 🌌🔍😅