Remember: no matter what anyone else thinks of you, it’s how you delude yourself that matters.

Someone from 🇵🇬 has downloaded:

Imagine how organized the first person to write down a recipe must have been.

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Oh right, like you’ve never let your kids stay lost in a corn maze just a little longer.

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Yes, I was behind the DJ booth, but only as a cultural anthropologist.

Someone from 🇹🇭 has downloaded:

The smarter you are, the more important it is for you to figure out how to think less.

Someone from 🇪🇨 has downloaded:

In the 80s, if you woke up feeling thirsty, you could drink some of your waterbed.

Someone from 🇷🇸 has shared:

When people tell me “you’re going to regret that in the morning”, I sleep until noon because I am a problem solver.

Someone from 🇨🇩 has downloaded:

Welcome to your 40s: you get tired from sleeping now.

Someone from 🇸🇹 has downloaded:

People tell me to just be myself like that would be a good thing.

Someone from 🇦🇫 has shared:

Dating me is super easy. I text you at 8; you reply at 8:00:01.

Someone from 🇵🇪 has downloaded:

Hello taxi, off to Friday please. Money doesn’t matter!