Wordgag ツ

10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇦🇷 has bookmarked:

This football season, we need to bring back getting drunk and calling in to your team’s local radio show after the game. Such a lost art.

Someone from 🇯🇲 has copied:

I don’t even know what I’d do if a sailor called me a landlubber. I’d probably lose my cool.

Someone from 🇸🇲 has bookmarked:

One thing that sucks about being grown-up is not being able to say, “My mom said no,” when you don’t want someone to come over.

Someone from 🇨🇿 has shared:

Shout out to the people getting $400 hotel rooms on Feb 14th to do the same two positions they do at home.

Someone from 🇦🇺 has shared:

Everybody loves that comfort food until you end up with that comfort body.

Someone from 🇧🇫 has shared:

“Try it all before you die” is always drugs and sex, never quantum physics.

Someone from 🇯🇴 has viewed:

I have never seen a sad person sliding down a water slide.

Someone from 🇵🇱 has bookmarked:

I cannot imagine being in high school right now. Imagine the world is eating itself alive and you’re in school.

Someone from 🇨🇱 has downloaded:

A Bug’s Life” (1998) radicalized me.

Someone from 🇦🇴 has downloaded:

Countries are just gangs with paperwork.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

216 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,485

Funny Quotes Topics

17,557

Funny Quotes Images

15,485

Updated

Jan 5, 2026

Users Online

3,289

Social Media Log 💫

Spreading quickly via Slack:

Short men store so much anger in their little body.

Going viral on Pinterest:

Vaping: When you feel like smoking but don’t want to look cool.

Spotted on Reddit:

After 30, an all-nighter is not getting up to pee.

Seen just now on TikTok:

People who get 0-5 likes at max and still tweet all the time… What’s your secret?

Spotted on Telegram:

Social media needs to crash for like a year so society can recalibrate.

Trending via Discord:

I’m not a good fit for the traditional job market because my greatest strengths are challenging authority, being self-righteous, and wanting to go home.

Just shared via TikTok:

“Can’t wait till I get older” was the dumbest thing I ever said.

Making waves on Telegram:

People who say “teamwork makes the dream work” are the reason that some people want to punch other people in the face.

Freshly posted on Telegram:

My tombstone will read “Hey there, I’m using WhatsApp!”.

Shared recently on YouTube:

I need to get my shit together, but at this point, I’m waiting to see if the world is going to end before I put any real effort in.

Sorry, I had feelings. I’ll replace them with jokes right away.

2 months ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
😂 Who needs feelings when you can have a full tank of sarcasm? 🤖🛠️ #JokesOnly #UpgradeComplete

away, comedy, emotional, emotional suppression, feelings, health, humor, i, jokes, mental, mental health, replace, right, sarcasm, self-deprecation, sorry, suppression, wit

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

I ain’t typing “X” into the URL bar, my wife is right behind me.

0

2 months ago

awkward, awkward moment, bar, funny situation, humor, i, me, moment, privacy, relationship, right, situation, typing, URL, wife, x
When my wife packs for a trip she basically moves out.

0

2 months ago

humor, joke, move, moves, packing, relationship, travel, trip, wife
“This was on sale!” is why I’m always broke.

0

2 months ago

always, broke, budget, financial, humor, irony, sale, shopping, spending
Cholesterol has a special place in my heart.

0

2 months ago

cholesterol, food, health, heart, humor, irony, joke, love, place, special
Life’s all about crossroads and intersections; unfortunately, I’m a bad driver.

0

2 months ago

bad, bad driver, crossroads, driver, driving, humor, intersection, life, unfortunately
People shouldn’t be at the grocery store the same time as me. Get out of the way.

0

2 months ago

crowd, grocery, grocery store, humor, impatience, me, people, same, shopping, store, time

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

75 shares on X this month:

Where do I see myself in 5 years? Here, but fatter.

53 shares on Discord this month:

If I learned anything in college, it’s that pepper spray only stings for a couple hours.

68 shares on YouTube this month:

My body cracks like a glow stick every time I move, but refuses to light up.

62 shares on WeChat this month:

Don’t scare me, I fart easily.

53 shares on Threads this month:

Worst thing about cutting off all your hair is you go to work and everyone treats you like Today’s Special Boy.

45 shares on X this month:

Sometimes I watch people do their jobs, and I’m like, damn, you might benefit from a little imposter syndrome, actually.

12 shares on Messenger this month:

I know life can be tough, but you still gotta wear deodorant.

93 shares on Facebook this month:

Men make money to be with a woman, but women make money to not have to be with a man. Clock it!

75 shares on WeChat this month:

I haven’t even gone to bed yet and I already can’t wait to get home from work tomorrow.

18 shares on LinkedIn this month:

I’m obsessed with adding a second completely unnecessary tweet to all my tweets, like, oh, you thought I was done.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇹🇳 has downloaded:

My superpower is keeping this couch cushion warm.

Someone from 🇺🇿 has viewed:

Sometimes I think the subway rat is doing better than me. He has a routine, a social circle, and knows where to find the best pizza.

Someone from 🇲🇽 has shared:

My idea of fun is watching something on the TV while I look at relevant Wikipedia articles on my phone.

Someone from 🇧🇪 has bookmarked:

For my future, I wish for another planet and a ticket to get there.

Someone from 🇨🇾 has viewed:

There should be an opposite of Valentine’s Day where you post Instagram photos of your enemy.

Someone from 🇰🇮 has downloaded:

Pretty cool that we all come together on Christmas and celebrate the birth of Santa.

Someone from 🇪🇹 has shared:

I’m either freezing, peeing, or starving.

Someone from 🇸🇧 has bookmarked:

Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice? Also shame on you. Stop foolin’ me, I am pure.

Someone from 🇩🇲 has downloaded:

The person who invented autocorrect should burn in hello.

Someone from 🇿🇼 has copied:

Once I shot a man with a paintball gun, just to watch him dye.

Social Media Log 💫

Shared recently on LinkedIn:

Wish I could get paid just for being a sweetheart.

Just landed via TikTok:

Three serious exes is the right amount before you meet your spouse. You need one truly evil one, one normal one, and one situationship, and then you’ve basically experienced all dating has to offer.

Seen just now on TikTok:

Anytime a guy says “that’s what she said” always reply with “yeah, but not to you”.

Shared recently on Messenger:

I respect the moon’s unwillingness to be photographed on a phone.

Freshly posted on YouTube:

Don’t talk to me unless you are a ham sandwich.

Seen just now on Reddit:

I don’t give people directions. What if no one wants them there?

Live now on X:

I try to contain my craziness, but the lid keeps popping off.

Shared recently on Discord:

Girls will be like “it’s fine” then start drawing a pentagram in blood on their floorboards.

Just shared via X:

Being Leonardo DiCaprio is like driving in a school zone. You don’t go above twenty-five.

Breaking via TikTok:

Starting conversations with short people by saying “back when I was your height…”

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Sorry, I had feelings. I’ll replace them with jokes right away.

Related Funny Quotes 🤝

I ain’t typing “X” into the URL bar, my wife is right behind me.

When my wife packs for a trip she basically moves out.

“This was on sale!” is why I’m always broke.

Cholesterol has a special place in my heart.

Life’s all about crossroads and intersections; unfortunately, I’m a bad driver.

People shouldn’t be at the grocery store the same time as me. Get out of the way.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨