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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇳🇮 has shared:

One day you’re young and carefree and the next, you’re preheating the bathroom before you go in for a shower.

Someone from 🇧🇾 has bookmarked:

As a parent you get to see just how much a baby accomplishes in its first year of life. Because you’re awake for all of it.

Someone from 🇧🇴 has shared:

Unfortunately, I am not nonchalant, I will set myself on fire.

Someone from 🇧🇭 has bookmarked:

Girls take a picture of their legs in a bubble bath and say “guess where I am”. The library?

Someone from 🇮🇳 has shared:

Balloons are so weird. “Happy birthday, here’s a plastic sack of my breath.”

Someone from 🇰🇪 has shared:

I don’t think I’d get married again, but I would like to annoy someone until one of us is dead.

Someone from 🇲🇦 has copied:

Dear Black Friday… We all have big TVs now, put the groceries on sale.

Someone from 🇲🇽 has shared:

I put the ‘no’ in ‘I will let u know’.

Someone from 🇧🇭 has downloaded:

If someone texts “Do you have a minute,” it’s a trick. Don’t fall for it.

Someone from 🇸🇲 has viewed:

“PTO” stands for “prepare the others” because you’re not gonna be there.

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Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Jan 31, 2026

Users Online

3,746

Social Media Log 💫

Spotted on Threads:

I would go out of my mind, but I can’t find the exit.

Breaking via Telegram:

The phone is the most evil screen. The computer is somewhat evil, but less so than the phone. The TV is benevolent.

Shared recently on Discord:

I hope Google never goes down. I know like six, maybe seven, things.

Going viral on X:

Please don’t tell me how bad your life was growing up; we had to manually roll up our cars’ windows.

Seen just now on TikTok:

Abandoned amusement parks are so creepy. It’s no wonder they were abandoned.

Seen just now on Reddit:

People say “go big or go home” like going home is a bad thing. Heck yeah, I want to go home, and I’ll have a nap when I get there.

Seen just now on WeChat:

No, I don’t want to read the article first, I want to argue now.

Just landed via WeChat:

Don’t blame the alcohol. You were an idiot before you started drinking.

Shared recently on WeChat:

There should be an Amazon driver at the Mall during the holidays so adults can sit on their lap and tell them what they want.

Going bananas on Telegram:

I could be a masseuse, or I could just be pulling your leg.

Sorry, I had feelings. I’ll replace them with jokes right away.

3 months ago

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😂 Who needs feelings when you can have a full tank of sarcasm? 🤖🛠️ #JokesOnly #UpgradeComplete

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Social Media Stars ⭐

93 shares on Instagram this month:

Later is the best time to do anything.

92 shares on Facebook this month:

No one suddenly needs anything more than a kid whose mom has just sat down and gotten comfortable.

83 shares on LinkedIn this month:

I would rather walk directly into the ocean than tell people a fun fact about myself.

35 shares on Instagram this month:

You know those couples who share their food? I mean, what kind of people are they? Aren’t they hungry?

80 shares on Twitch this month:

Pretty cool that we all come together on Christmas and celebrate the birth of Santa.

26 shares on Twitch this month:

A dating app called Unhinged where you agree to meet up and fight each other.

10 shares on X this month:

I won’t be accepting any parcels for the neighbors in December this year. Last year it was all junk.

52 shares on Twitch this month:

I wish I could have a kid just to see what it looks like… and then put it back.

49 shares on Threads this month:

I got us matching straight jackets for Christmas.

98 shares on Snapchat this month:

There is no sex. I lied. You are gonna lay here and take personality quizzes with me.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇦🇿 has shared:

My neighbor won’t stop talking about his Rolex and I can’t believe someone stole it tomorrow.

Someone from 🇪🇨 has bookmarked:

You know it’s been a successful Thanksgiving when your clothes no longer fit.

Someone from 🇫🇲 has downloaded:

Referring to my boss’s wife as my boss-in-law.

Someone from 🇳🇦 has bookmarked:

Why is it spelled “camouflage” and not “ “?

Someone from 🇱🇾 has bookmarked:

What do you mean it’s Monday? We just had Monday. This can’t be right.

Someone from 🇲🇹 has downloaded:

Whenever I lose my faith in justice, I look at the high school beauties from back then today. Then I’m fine again.

Someone from 🇮🇶 has downloaded:

There are so many people going to hell. I’m thinking of investing in some property there.

Someone from 🇧🇬 has copied:

Stop hating yourself for everything. Be specific.

Someone from 🇵🇦 has bookmarked:

I’m trying to cut back on how much sense I make.

Someone from 🇨🇩 has copied:

If you smoke pot in Saudi Arabia, you risk getting stoned.

Social Media Log 💫

Going viral on LinkedIn:

Enjoy the time between diapers!

Making waves on YouTube:

No more looking back in anger. It’s time to look forward in anger.

Spotted on Instagram:

Sorry I can’t come today. My sister’s friend’s mother’s grandpa’s brother’s grandson’s uncle’s fish died, and it was tragic.

Trending via Instagram:

My spirit animal is chasing his own tail.

Going bananas on WhatsApp:

Women will brag about their intuition, and then date a DJ.

Just landed via Reddit:

You gotta ask people nowadays, are you single single, mad at your partner single, blocked single or single just in your head.

Making waves on Telegram:

Being anti-AI right now feels like being one of the few unbitten humans in a zombie apocalypse.

Seen just now on Telegram:

The longer I stay home, the more homeless I look.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Sorry, I had feelings. I’ll replace them with jokes right away.

Getting my next boyfriend a flip phone. He doesn’t need anything more.

I’ll stop smoking weed when life stops smoking me.

Not to brag but I don’t need alcohol to do something stupid.

At this point of my celibacy, I can see the same colors as mantis shrimp. What do you know about blorange and gurple?

Learn from the mistakes of others, you can never live long enough to make them all yourself.

Wanted to update everybody on my diet. I’ve decided it’s okay to be fat.

Social Media Stars ⭐

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Activity Log ✨

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Sorry, I had feelings. I’ll replace them with jokes right away.

Keep the laugh going 😂

Getting my next boyfriend a flip phone. He doesn’t need anything more.

I’ll stop smoking weed when life stops smoking me.

Not to brag but I don’t need alcohol to do something stupid.

At this point of my celibacy, I can see the same colors as mantis shrimp. What do you know about blorange and gurple?

Learn from the mistakes of others, you can never live long enough to make them all yourself.

Wanted to update everybody on my diet. I’ve decided it’s okay to be fat.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨