Wordgag ツ

Commentary:
"Sorry I’m late, blame it on the washing machine's sneaky time management skills! 🕒🧺 Maybe next time I should double-check if it’s on ‘spin cycle’ or ‘time warp’ mode! ⏳😆"

chores, cycle, excuse, household, household chores, humor, i, late, left, machine, minute, only, procrastination, sorry, washing, washing machine

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

You ever got inside jokes with yourself, or is that schizophrenia?

1 month ago

ever, got, health, humor, inside, inside joke, joke, jokes, mental, mental health, schizophrenia, self, self-talk, talk, yourself
I want to be cremated so that I will get a smoking-hot body again.

3 weeks ago

again, body, cremated, cremation, dark, dark humor, death, humor, i, joke, sarcasm, smoking-hot, want, witty
If your god commands you to kill others, find another god.

1 month ago

another, belief, command, God, humor, kill, morality, religion
Home: Where I can look ugly and not care.

1 month ago

care, comfort, home, humor, i, relaxation, self-acceptance, ugly
Alcohol is a vicious cycle: regret, recovery, repeat.

3 weeks ago

addiction, alcohol, cycle, drinking, humor, recovery, regret, repeat, self-awareness, vicious, vicious cycle
Looking forward to eight hours of trying to get four hours of sleep tonight.

4 weeks ago

exhaustion, forward, hours, humor, irony, looking, looking forward, night, sleep, tonight, trying

Random Funny Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

70 shares on Reddit this month:

The real body count is how many people are in therapy because of you.

65 shares on Snapchat this month:

Just when you’ve built some confidence that you’re a smarter than average human, universe sends you captcha.

30 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Running to the boarding gate is my favorite workout.

44 shares on Facebook this month:

You’re supposed to store a treasure in your cleavage that’s why it’s called a chest.

85 shares on Discord this month:

Life stopped being real after 2019 anyways.

53 shares on WhatsApp this month:

The only career advice I have is make every decision that moves you closer to not having to be on LinkedIn.

34 shares on Discord this month:

“I’m so grateful that so many things are none of my business.”

37 shares on Snapchat this month:

Let’s just call ourselves divorced now and skip the stressful, expensive bit in the middle.

65 shares on Telegram this month:

Have you ever been so stressed that you’re calm?

33 shares on Snapchat this month:

Pool rules: You’re not allowed to do anything that begins with the words ‘Hey everyone watch this!’

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇨🇻 has shared:

The question of whether an employer values its employees is sometimes answered by the toilet paper.

Someone from 🇸🇹 has viewed:

“I’m not short. I’m just more down to earth than most people.”

Someone from 🇦🇴 has bookmarked:

It’s hard to sleep knowing that cake is in the fridge.

Someone from 🇭🇺 has copied:

Hey, are you an aurora borealis or why am I waiting in vain for you to appear?

Someone from 🇹🇼 has viewed:

The invention of locks was a key turning point in history.

Someone from 🇧🇧 has shared:

Social media needs to crash for like a year so society can recalibrate.

Someone from 🇫🇯 has viewed:

It sucks that the reward for being responsible, is just a bunch of new responsibilities.

Someone from 🇧🇯 has copied:

Here’s to a new year of making the same old mistakes, but with far more enthusiasm.

Someone from 🇲🇺 has viewed:

Why are moths always out at night when they like light so much? Wait til y’all find out about the sun.

Someone from 🇲🇱 has downloaded:

Need a permanent vacuum for unwanted thoughts.

Social Media Log 💫

Just shared via Reddit:

You get what you pay for. Unless the delivery man leaves it on your doorstep. Then the fastest person on your street gets what you paid for.

Shared recently on Discord:

The date didn’t go well but she was nice enough to send a PDF of everything I did wrong afterwards.

Making waves on TikTok:

Reading a book and coming across a character’s name that you don’t know how to pronounce, so for the rest of the book, every time you see it, your brain just goes ‘skdjfkskakfk.’

Just shared via Pinterest:

I think my dad just eradicated a small village with his sneeze.

Spreading quickly via Pinterest:

“We’re the only species that drinks milk after infancy, dairy is bad for you!” We’re also the only species that drinks peach mango pineapple spirulina kale smoothies, Karen. Let me eat my cheese in peace.

Shared recently on WhatsApp:

This summer went by so fast, I didn’t even get a chance to lose any weight.

Live now on WeChat:

Sex so good, my left hand is making my right hand a sandwich.

Going viral on TikTok:

My friends wife threatened to leave him over his Star Wars collectibles and I was like “divorce is strong in this one”.

Trending via Facebook:

The oceans are rising because no one is drinking their recommended 8-12 glasses of water per day.

Seen just now on Reddit:

Is everyone enjoying their entire month of August off work with full pay? Oh yeah, I forgot, only Congress gets to do that.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Sorry I’m late, I believed the washing machine when it said it only had one minute left in the cycle.

Keep the laugh going 😂

You ever got inside jokes with yourself, or is that schizophrenia?

I want to be cremated so that I will get a smoking-hot body again.

If your god commands you to kill others, find another god.

Home: Where I can look ugly and not care.

Alcohol is a vicious cycle: regret, recovery, repeat.

Looking forward to eight hours of trying to get four hours of sleep tonight.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨