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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇪🇬 has viewed:

I have now spread out a blue tarpaulin in the garden. I want it to look like I have a pool on Google Maps.

Someone from 🇹🇯 has bookmarked:

Some people shop for designer heels. I shop for nonstop flight deals.

Someone from 🇭🇺 has shared:

Is everything expensive or am I just poor?

Someone from 🇸🇨 has shared:

Legos are too expensive nowadays. They should go back to costing as much as they did when my parents paid for them.

Someone from 🇱🇹 has viewed:

Bag of salad is the boxed wine of vegetables.

Someone from 🇵🇦 has bookmarked:

One thing that sucks about being grown-up is not being able to say, “My mom said no,” when you don’t want someone to come over.

Someone from 🇱🇦 has downloaded:

There should be sympathy cards for having to go back to work after a vacation.

Someone from 🇻🇺 has copied:

Your Starbucks order leads me to believe that you’re very difficult to deal with.

Someone from 🇮🇳 has shared:

Need a permanent vacuum for unwanted thoughts.

Someone from 🇲🇬 has shared:

The most avoided species of shark is the Loan.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

55 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,324

Funny Quotes Topics

17,443

Funny Quotes Images

15,324

Updated

Jan 2, 2026

Users Online

3,247

Social Media Log 💫

Making waves on Snapchat:

“You handled it so well.” Nah, I didn’t. I lost my spark, felt crazy, distanced myself from everyone, and hated myself.

Just shared via Discord:

Sometimes I watch people do their jobs, and I’m like, damn, you might benefit from a little imposter syndrome, actually.

Spotted on Reddit:

Sorry for what I said when I was drunk. I meant every word.

Seen just now on Instagram:

If I got $5 every time I thought of you, I would start thinking of you.

Just shared via WeChat:

I heard time is money, so I quit my job. Now I have lots of time!

Going viral on Instagram:

HR is giving me a hard time because I’ve been starting all my work emails with “Dearly Beloved”.

Broadcasted on WhatsApp:

Going on dates is hard because do I like them or do I just have sooo much fun being me.

Just shared via LinkedIn:

My Christmas letter this year includes a bonus DVD of my colonoscopy.

Just shared via X:

Me, aged 20: This is internship summer. I will get an internship. I will find a job. I will study. I will read. I will learn piano. I will… Me, nowadays: This summer, I’m going to try all of the ice cream flavors.

Breaking via Facebook:

Welcome to your 40’s. You now have a favorite vegetable peeler.

Sorry to interrupt your scrolling, but I hope life gets better for you.

4 months ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
Just pausing your scroll to sprinkle some good vibes and remind you that the universe didn't forget about your Amazon wishlist 😄🛒✨

better, encouragement, hope, humor, i, interrupt, interruption, life, media, scrolling, social, social media, sorry

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Too self-aware for foreplay. I’m so sorry… Take that nurse costume off. I know you didn’t go to med school.

0

2 months ago

apology, costume, flirting, foreplay, humor, i, know, med, med school, nurse, nurse costume, play, role, role play, school, self-awareness, sorry, take, too
They say the human body is 60% water, but after extensive observation of my husband and son, I’d like to submit a revision to the data. Those two are at least 50% wind.

0

2 months ago

50, body, family, human, humor, husband, observation, son, water, wind
Reading fanfics is so fun, I wish romantic attraction was real.

0

2 weeks ago

attraction, fanfic, fun, humor, i, reading, real, romance, romantic, thinking, wish, wishful, wishful thinking
Watering plants qualifies as a hobby.

0

5 months ago

activity, gardening, hobby, leisure, leisure activity, plant, plants, watering
You think you’re raising your kids right, and then one of them decides to be a fan of your football team’s arch rival.

0

2 months ago

disappointment, fan, football, humor, kids, parenting, raising, right, rival, sports, think
I grew up in a poor family. We didn’t have much, but we had each other. And that was the worst part.

0

2 months ago

childhood, dynamics, each other, family, family dynamics, growing, growing up, humor, i, irony, much, poor, poor family, worst, worst part

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

64 shares on Threads this month:

Summer Olympics is just me swimming in sweat and wrestling with my sports bra.

29 shares on Slack this month:

No matter how weird things seem to get, there’s always an episode of The Twilight Zone that was eerily similar.

14 shares on TikTok this month:

He who laughs last didn’t get it.

21 shares on Twitch this month:

Don’t worry, I’m only dead inside from the waist up.

21 shares on Pinterest this month:

Sorry for my bad behavior. Mercury is in gatorade or whatever.

19 shares on Slack this month:

Welcome to your 40s, where the hair shows up uninvited and looks pissed to be here.

84 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Hulk Hogan’s gone, so I’ll be ripping shirts and screaming “BROTHERRR!” at strangers in his honor.

41 shares on YouTube this month:

Imagine hating me and im just at my desk spinning reeaaally fast in my office chair.

83 shares on Slack this month:

I miss the old days back in 1955, when I didn’t exist.

68 shares on Discord this month:

This meeting could have been a pajama party.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇬🇧 has viewed:

My social circle is so small that when the phone rings, I know it’s scammers.

Someone from 🇨🇫 has shared:

Sometimes it feels better not to talk. At all. About anything. To anyone.

Someone from 🇲🇻 has copied:

The people who are $30 trillion in debt are giving you a credit score.

Someone from 🇸🇬 has downloaded:

There should be a variant of fencing with two guys trying to kiss one another.

Someone from 🇰🇲 has downloaded:

One thing no one mentions about being an adult is how much time you debate with yourself over keeping a cardboard box because it’s a really good box.

Someone from 🇰🇮 has viewed:

I’m gonna be the first zoomer to start dropping the ‘two thousand’ when referring to the past. “Yeah, that was back in ‘17.”

Someone from 🇬🇳 has bookmarked:

You ever get road rage while walking behind someone moving slowly at the grocery store?

Someone from 🇦🇱 has viewed:

Opening up to a woman is like talking to the police, anything you say can and will be used against you.

Someone from 🇦🇩 has viewed:

Revenge has no expiry date. I will deal with you when I’m ready.

Someone from 🇹🇳 has viewed:

If you want to feel really bad about yourself, just start dating.

Social Media Log 💫

Seen just now on Snapchat:

I bet doom scroll meant something way cooler in the middle ages.

Going bananas on Reddit:

The only problem I have with chocolate is that one minute it’s there and the next it’s not.

Live now on X:

My cat’s in a bad mood, despite eating and sleeping all day.

Just shared via Messenger:

I hate when flies rub their disgusting little hands together. What could you possibly be plotting? You can’t even get out of the open window.

Spotted on Instagram:

Netflix had enough cash to buy Warner Bros., but cried poor when we shared passwords with our mom.

Just shared via YouTube:

Relationship tip: Make sure you’re the crazy one.

Freshly posted on Messenger:

One week of daily crunches and I have abs…urdly underestimated how long it will take to see results.

Broadcasted on YouTube:

The most difficult thing you’ll do as a parent is not rearrange the ornaments after the kids put them on the tree.

Going bananas on Threads:

Spotify Wrapped has a special talent for pulling up an artist I’ve literally never heard of and telling me I actually listen to them 2,000 times per day.

Going bananas on X:

I’m a go with the flow kind of gal unless the flow is after 9pm or involves parallel parking.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Sorry to interrupt your scrolling, but I hope life gets better for you.

Related Funny Quotes 🤝

Too self-aware for foreplay. I’m so sorry… Take that nurse costume off. I know you didn’t go to med school.

They say the human body is 60% water, but after extensive observation of my husband and son, I’d like to submit a revision to the data. Those two are at least 50% wind.

Reading fanfics is so fun, I wish romantic attraction was real.

Watering plants qualifies as a hobby.

You think you’re raising your kids right, and then one of them decides to be a fan of your football team’s arch rival.

I grew up in a poor family. We didn’t have much, but we had each other. And that was the worst part.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨