Trending Funny Quotes 👇

  • How many calories does an audible sigh burn? Because I don’t think my Apple Watch is giving me credit for them.
  • Farting, but with eye contact.
  • Time is precious, waste it wisely.
  • God: “You can’t just say ‘Goddammit!’ and expect Me to damn it. There’s a procedure. File the paperwork.”
  • I have some fart jokes I’ve been holding in.
  • Every gift guide for men is like “A flannel flask to hold your knife flavored whiskey.”