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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇸🇱 has shared:

The cheapest way to fly is off the handle.

Someone from 🇳🇮 has copied:

My desire to be informed is currently at odds with my desire to remain sane.

Someone from 🇱🇸 has downloaded:

Love crawling into bed like it’s a spa retreat, only to wake up like I survived a bar fight.

Someone from 🇲🇭 has shared:

I’ll make you feel safe in that you’ll know you can outrun me if we are being chased by a murderer.

Someone from 🇵🇰 has viewed:

That place is so crowded; nobody goes there anymore.

Someone from 🇧🇸 has copied:

Spoiler alert: Eventually you will pay a price for the way you treated people.

Someone from 🇦🇴 has downloaded:

The devil is keeping him alive to avoid spending eternity with him in hell.

Someone from 🇬🇲 has bookmarked:

If you wear enough cardigans, people will assume you’re smart and you can stop reading entirely.

Someone from 🇬🇾 has shared:

If you can’t handle me at my weirdest, then leave, because it gets weirder.

Someone from 🇹🇩 has copied:

The nerve of a majority of people I meet being younger than me. How dare them?

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

240 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,509

Funny Quotes Topics

17,577

Funny Quotes Images

15,509

Jan 7, 2026

3,393

Social Media Log 💫

Spotted on LinkedIn:

Why is everyone mean to the kindest people for absolutely no reason?

Just landed via Threads:

Yes, money alone does not make you happy. It has to be yours too.

Just landed via Facebook:

You feel me? Bro, I haven’t felt anything since the Scholastic Book Fair.

Just landed via LinkedIn:

After a month away and enough pasta to scare an Italian grandma, I can confirm: too much Parmesan? Never heard of her.

Live now on Snapchat:

At the strip club sighing until one of the dancers asks me what’s wrong.

Going viral on Instagram:

Having a sunburn is so humiliating. Now everyone knows I was unprepared for the realities of the wilderness. It marks me as the weakest link. The hungry animals are closing in.

Breaking via Discord:

My favorite part about health insurance is how your teeth and eyeballs are add-ons.

Spotted on Slack:

Drugs do not ruin your career. Drug tests do.

Making waves on Twitch:

I can’t go to war, I have to water my plants.

Shared recently on LinkedIn:

A little time spent not acting your age is never a bad thing.

Speaker phone in public should be illegal.

2 months ago

0

Speaker phone in public should be illegal.

Download image ↓

Commentary:
"Agreed! Nothing like getting a free front-row seat to someone's loud conversation about their cat's diet in the middle of a coffee shop 🙉📱Let's start a petition to outlaw public speaker phone use for the greater good of humanity! #SaveOurEars"

annoyance, call, conversation, etiquette, illegal, phone, public, should, speaker, speaker phone

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Behind every robot that turns evil is an engineer who specifically installed red LEDs into the eyes just for this scenario.

0

2 months ago

design, engineer, every, evil, eyes, humor, irony, just, led, red, red LED, robot, scenario, technology
Those 8 hours at work go by quickly when you call off.

0

2 months ago

call, calling, calling off, hours, humor, management, procrastination, time, time management, work
Dissecting an alien and getting bitterly jealous at their crazy organs.

0

1 week ago

alien, crazy, dissecting, getting, humor, jealous, jealousy, organ, organs
Shoutout to everyone pretending to have it together. Same.

0

2 months ago

acknowledgment, everyone, honesty, humor, life, pretending, relatable, same, shoutout, struggle, together
Actually, men should take the pill. It makes more sense to unload the gun than to shoot at a bulletproof vest.

0

2 months ago

bulletproof, bulletproof vest, gun, humor, logic, men, pill, relationship, responsibility, sense, shoot, should, take, vest
I’m officially at the age where I understand why my parents never wanted to go anywhere after work.

0

2 months ago

adulthood, after, age, anywhere, going, going out, humor, i, never, parents, understand, understanding, wanted, where, why, work

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

41 shares on Telegram this month:

Be warned: I’m bored. This could get dangerous.

89 shares on Discord this month:

IKEA is the swedish word for “relationship meltdown in a public place.”

54 shares on Reddit this month:

“Is this a joke to you?” Unfortunately, everything is a little bit of a joke to me.

83 shares on Facebook this month:

Straighten your back and drink some water, you dehydrated banana.

45 shares on WeChat this month:

I should’ve been an air conditioner because all I do is vent.

86 shares on YouTube this month:

A garlic a day keeps people away.

36 shares on Threads this month:

Going to therapy is like having someone walk around your brain and going “ohhhh, this is how you’re living?!”

19 shares on Instagram this month:

“Treat yourself. You deserve it,” she says while adding the shoes to her cart.

68 shares on Discord this month:

Socks try to be monogamous, but most end up either single or having multiple different partners.

44 shares on WeChat this month:

You did all that terrible driving just to end up right next to me at the stop light.

Trending Topics 📁

Hot Jokes 💥

10 folks are currently checking 👀

Feeling like a bug without his rug.

22 folks are currently checking 👀

Why touch grass when you can touch ass?

21 folks are currently checking 👀

At the job interview with one AirPod in.

10 folks are currently checking 👀

I’m so old, I used to cry as a child because I fell off my skateboard or bike, not because I didn’t have wifi.

11 folks are currently checking 👀

Super excited about a brand new week of hanging on by a thread.

25 folks are currently checking 👀

Most people have 32 teeth. Some have 10. Simple meth.

17 folks are currently checking 👀

So, Earth is basically auditions for heaven and hell.

12 folks are currently checking 👀

I’m too lazy to be a superhero. If I had laser eyes, I’d probably just use them to heat soup or something.

23 folks are currently checking 👀

No one ever talks about the 6th love language (being annoying).

8 folks are currently checking 👀

Can’t, too busy deleting screenshots of my lock screen.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

240 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,509

Funny Quotes Topics

17,577

Funny Quotes Images

15,509

Updated

Jan 7, 2026

Users Online

3,613

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇹🇴 has downloaded:

Women aren’t complicated. Just give us attention and leave us alone.

Someone from 🇱🇹 has shared:

The more water you drink, the more bathroom breaks, the less you work. Stay hydrated.

Someone from 🇧🇴 has shared:

And for my next trick, I’m going to miss you in a million unspoken ways.

Someone from 🇬🇧 has copied:

Asking “how’s the job hunt going?” is a lot like asking “did you come?” I promise you, you’d hear if there was any success.

Someone from 🇵🇹 has bookmarked:

No one told me adulting would involve trying to avoid so many scams.

Someone from 🇦🇲 has bookmarked:

My wife and I always eat dinner as fast as possible so we can have a popsicle.

Someone from 🇷🇸 has shared:

If I’ve offended you with my posts, I humbly apologize, I honestly did not think you could read.

Someone from 🇨🇾 has downloaded:

Just did my own taxes, I should be in jail by Friday.

Someone from 🇹🇴 has viewed:

Egg nog was invented in Germany back in 1816 when Baron von Heldebrandt reportedly said “Hey guys, let’s get this custard drunk!”

Someone from 🇹🇷 has copied:

Someone told me I’ve gained weight. I told them it was for a part in a movie. I’ve never acted in my life. Until that moment.

Social Media Log 💫

Spotted on Threads:

Been acting really busy today because I can tell my coworker wants to talk about something in his personal life.

Shared recently on Snapchat:

Sexting is hilarious, when you think about it. Like, this email truly should’ve been a meeting.

Spotted on TikTok:

I’m gonna start cursing people out but with biblical phrases like I hope your crops wither and bear no fruit and the ravens eat your mustard seeds.

Spotted on TikTok:

If the earth was flat, cats would have pushed everything off it by now.

Freshly posted on Messenger:

I see people my age out there climbing mountains and skydiving, and here I am feeling good about myself because I got my leg through my underwear without losing my balance.

Spreading quickly via Pinterest:

Why do we call it tuna fish? Is there any other tuna out there that’s not a fish?

Freshly posted on Snapchat:

Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday, lying in hospitals dying of nothing.

Just shared via Instagram:

I can’t really explain it but cereal at night tastes better than cereal in the morning.

Trending via Reddit:

Cheers erupt as woman cuts into perfectly ripe avocado.

Going viral on WeChat:

When Chuck Norris was born, the doctor got slapped.

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