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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇳🇿 has viewed:

Planking is the only time we appreciate time.

Someone from 🇭🇷 has copied:

The only ex I cheated on is my exam.

Someone from 🇲🇽 has downloaded:

Love it when my brain is like, “You forgot something,” and then refuses to elaborate.

Someone from 🇭🇹 has copied:

My dog is quite vain. Whenever the doorbell rings, he thinks it’s for him.

Someone from 🇹🇻 has downloaded:

Home: Where I can look ugly and not care.

Someone from 🇭🇺 has shared:

I love when I get an email from a brand saying “we miss you!” with no coupon attached. Babe, a lot of people miss me, let’s be competitive here.

Someone from 🇧🇧 has bookmarked:

I do my best to kill everyone with kindness, but they don’t seem to be dying.

Someone from 🇰🇬 has downloaded:

Pizza crusts go uneaten, but people will devour an entire pan of breadsticks.

Someone from 🇦🇪 has downloaded:

My son loves Monty Python. My work here is done.

Someone from 🇵🇾 has bookmarked:

It’s unbelievable how much work goes into having a mid-physique and a relatively clean house.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

216 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,485

Funny Quotes Topics

17,557

Funny Quotes Images

15,485

Jan 5, 2026

3,369

Social Media Log 💫

Just landed via Reddit:

Don’t worry, better days are coming. They are called Friday, Saturday and Sunday.

Freshly posted on Messenger:

If I ever had to fight a bear, I hope it’s a gummy bear.

Spotted on Telegram:

Mondays have a black belt in psychological warfare.

Shared recently on Messenger:

I was born to be wild, but only until around 9pm or so.

Making waves on Instagram:

Imagine hating on me and I’m just in my room also hating on me.

Shared recently on Slack:

Sunrises are really beautiful, but the timing is rather bad.

Trending via Twitch:

This year felt like being awake during surgery.

Shared recently on LinkedIn:

When someone has “Do Not Disturb” on, it’s like, oh, okay, I didn’t realize the great philosopher was in their hour of seclusion. Pardon me for even daring to enter their precious mind palace.

Spotted on YouTube:

I won’t be accepting any parcels for the neighbors in December this year. Last year it was all junk.

Just shared via Slack:

The goal is never Gucci bags. It’s acres of land.

Speaker phone in public should be illegal.

2 months ago

0

Speaker phone in public should be illegal.

Download image ↓

Commentary:
"Agreed! Nothing like getting a free front-row seat to someone's loud conversation about their cat's diet in the middle of a coffee shop 🙉📱Let's start a petition to outlaw public speaker phone use for the greater good of humanity! #SaveOurEars"

annoyance, call, conversation, etiquette, illegal, phone, public, should, speaker, speaker phone

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

I’ve accepted I’ll never retire. I’ll be working up until my funeral… probably using a vacation day for it.

0

2 months ago

acceptance, day, funeral, humor, job, never, retire, using, vacation, vacation day, work, working
An easy way to check if you’re attractive: send a “Hey” DM and see if they reply.

0

5 months ago

attractive, check, communication, DM, easy, flirting, humor, media, message, reply, send, social, social media
Me gasping and flipping off the vultures as they circle above the running track.

0

2 months ago

activity, circle, exercise, flipping, gasp, gesture, humor, me, outdoor, outdoor activity, running, sarcasm, track, vultures
Are you really a personal trainer or do you just want to wear shorts to work every day?

0

2 months ago

attire, day, every, fitness, humor, joke, just, personal, personal trainer, shorts, trainer, want, wear, work, workplace
A late person is never happier than when the person they’re meeting is later than them.

0

2 months ago

happiness, humor, late, late person, later, meeting, never, person, punctuality
Autumn at last. Sitting on the sofa all day with a blanket and tea and watching movies. Just like in summer, but with a blanket and tea.

0

2 months ago

autumn, blanket, comfort, cozy, day, indoors, just, last, movy, relaxation, season, sitting, sofa, summer, tea, watching

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

22 shares on WeChat this month:

In the baking aisle, booing everyone buying imitation vanilla extract.

51 shares on Instagram this month:

Welcome to your 50s, your knees will now decide when you will sit down.

68 shares on Slack this month:

And for my next trick, I’m going to make this first date the last date.

99 shares on Pinterest this month:

Never get in between a girl and her fries. It’s just common sense really.

68 shares on YouTube this month:

Sometimes, when I need a really good night’s sleep, I call my burrito guy to come over and tuck me in.

10 shares on WhatsApp this month:

I know everything is expensive right now, but just remember correcting people’s grammar online is still free.

11 shares on Instagram this month:

The difference between a biography and an autobiography is self-explanatory.

74 shares on X this month:

Lately I have the attention span of wait what?

12 shares on Discord this month:

I’m glad nobody can see the face I make when I’ve just started the washing machine and then spot a sock on the floor.

27 shares on YouTube this month:

If you can’t tell which family member is coming up the stairs by the speed and weight of their footsteps, are you even family?

Trending Topics 📁

Hot Jokes 💥

25 folks are currently checking 👀

Not to brag but there are so many movies out there that have watched me sleep.

6 folks are currently checking 👀

I once had a psychic girlfriend, she left me before we met.

24 folks are currently checking 👀

But babe, that’s my emotional support Lord of the Rings Extended Edition.

25 folks are currently checking 👀

All the smart people at the office are worried about being replaced by A.I., but not me. I’m safe until they invent Artificial Stupidity.

8 folks are currently checking 👀

Can you lose weight by running away from your feelings?

12 folks are currently checking 👀

January-me would not believe the life I lived this year.

23 folks are currently checking 👀

“Have you asked Chat GPT?” Have you lost your mind?

5 folks are currently checking 👀

My favorite conspiracy theory is that everything is going to be OK.

9 folks are currently checking 👀

I love how “sleeping in” used to mean noon, and now it means 8:30 a.m.

17 folks are currently checking 👀

Just a reminder that you’re not allowed to hit your coworkers. Even if they’re stupid. I asked. Twice.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

216 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,485

Funny Quotes Topics

17,557

Funny Quotes Images

15,485

Updated

Jan 5, 2026

Users Online

3,604

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇰🇷 has bookmarked:

Saw an article on “100 things to do before you die.” Was surprised Call 911 didn’t make the list.

Someone from 🇧🇼 has viewed:

I’ve calculated my December budget and realized I can only afford to pray.

Someone from 🇹🇴 has downloaded:

Monday: The only day when you can wear the same outfit from the day before without anyone noticing.

Someone from 🇳🇪 has bookmarked:

My coffee and I used to be hot. Now, we’re just bitter.

Someone from 🇾🇪 has viewed:

I should’ve been an air conditioner because all I do is vent.

Someone from 🇲🇩 has viewed:

I wish other jobs let us solve issues by releasing diss tracks. Got some sick rhymes about Debbie from accounting and her poorly structured invoicing.

Someone from 🇻🇨 has shared:

Blood pressure too high to chase these hoes.

Someone from 🇩🇪 has downloaded:

(guy who’s not even that into you) I love you.

Someone from 🇷🇺 has copied:

The fatigue is reaching levels that shouldn’t even be possible.

Someone from 🇹🇷 has copied:

“Please feel free to ignore this email!” Way ahead of you, buddy.

Social Media Log 💫

Seen just now on YouTube:

Liking a post I don’t understand just to impress the algorithm.

Making waves on Snapchat:

Are you ever so happy to be in bed, you wish you could be even more in bed than you already are?

Live now on Twitch:

Toddlers will take your last nerve, deep fry it and eat it for breakfast.

Trending via Threads:

A good substitute for love and and personal fulfillment is a big bowl of fries.

Spreading quickly via YouTube:

You only live once and thank God for that.

Just landed via Twitch:

I think something’s missing in my life… Like… 2-3 million dollars.

Trending via Slack:

Think that’s enough todaying for today.

Spotted on X:

I’m going to start reading books again, as soon as I finish the internet.

Making waves on Discord:

Kind of rude you didn’t wake me up before you went went.

Just shared via WeChat:

Yes, I’d love to learn your family card game. I’m sure it won’t be excruciating at all.

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