Wordgag ツ

10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇵🇪 has viewed:

Shoulda named my daughter Calculus cause damn she’s complicated.

Someone from 🇹🇬 has viewed:

Parenting just means you have to pretend you like to eat fruits and vegetables in front of your kids, knowing you’d rather eat a cheeseburger instead.

Someone from 🇮🇶 has shared:

The world would be a better place if mosquitoes sucked fat instead of blood.

Someone from 🇧🇭 has viewed:

My love language is caffeine and being left alone until I’m kind again.

Someone from 🇸🇮 has bookmarked:

Dear Aliens, Now would be a good time. Thanks!

Someone from 🇲🇩 has viewed:

Flex on strangers by asking them if they remember you.

Someone from 🇮🇪 has copied:

Never underestimate my ability to stare out a window and not speak for hours on a car ride.

Someone from 🇸🇱 has bookmarked:

Going to ragebait men by asking, “Do you ever wish you were tall?”

Someone from 🇨🇩 has downloaded:

Cooking your own meals really is the best way to devote 50 hours of your life every month to save $50.

Someone from 🇰🇷 has viewed:

Is it just me or does everything cost like we’re shopping in an airport now?

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

217 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,486

Funny Quotes Topics

17,559

Funny Quotes Images

15,486

Updated

Jan 5, 2026

Users Online

3,617

Social Media Log 💫

Making waves on YouTube:

Google AI is awesome because it kills the planet and doesn’t work.

Making waves on WhatsApp:

Why hasn’t Lululemon created a bra-line named Lulumelons?

Spotted on X:

Welcome to your 40s. “I’m too old for this shit” is now your excuse and explanation for everything.

Going bananas on Reddit:

What idiot called it Catfishing your Tinder Contacts and not Playing With Matches?

Live now on Discord:

I’m pretty sure by now that we’re some kind of satire channel on some other planet.

Just landed via Threads:

He who laughs last didn’t get it.

Trending via Messenger:

I just feel like we shouldn’t have a new year until we get this one right.

Going bananas on WeChat:

Men playing hard to get when they’re already hard to want, is so funny to me.

Shared recently on Threads:

I had a sex dream last night that felt so real, I’m just gonna go ahead and add it to my body count.

Just landed via WeChat:

I’m at the age where I’m more likely to fall asleep at the movie theater than get frisky in one.

Telling my parents they’re like family to me.

4 months ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
Finally made it official! 🎉👨‍👩‍👧‍👦😂

family, humor, me, parent, parents, relationship, sarcasm, telling

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Life is short. Make sure you spend as much time as possible on the web arguing with strangers.

0

2 months ago

activity, arguing, humor, internet, irony, life, much, short, spend, strangers, sure, time, web
When someone points at your black clothes and asks whose funeral it is, having a look around the room and saying ‘Haven’t decided yet’ is typically a good response.

0

2 months ago

around, black, black clothes, clothes, decision, funeral, good, having, humor, look around, remark, response, room, saying, someone, witty, witty remark
One of my biggest fears during a zombie apocalypse is having to sleep without a fan.

0

2 months ago

apocalypse, comfort, fan, fear, fears, having, humor, sleep, survival, zombie
Sometimes the universe puts you in the same situations again to see if you’re still an idiot.

0

2 months ago

again, humor, idiot, irony, lesson, life, life lesson, mistakes, repeat, same, self-awareness, situations, sometimes, still, universe
The Welsh language was invented by a dad losing at Scrabble.

0

2 months ago

dad, game, humor, invention, language, losing, Scrabble, welsh, Welsh language
I used to be sad about the climate apocalypse, but I went on a few dates and, honestly, I’m ready now.

0

2 months ago

apocalypse, climate, date, dating, humor, i, readiness, ready, relationships, sad, sadness, used

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

60 shares on Facebook this month:

I wish I was as tired in bed at night as I am after lunch at work.

34 shares on Threads this month:

There should be guide dogs that prevent you from making bad decisions.

94 shares on YouTube this month:

I would do absolutely anything to get 8 hours of sleep, except for going to bed 8 hours before I need to wake up.

87 shares on WeChat this month:

I told myself I’d behave today. Then I saw my reflection and thought, maybe tomorrow.

56 shares on LinkedIn this month:

You look like you suck at Mario Kart.

87 shares on Threads this month:

I don’t even believe myself when I say I’ll be ready in 5 minutes.

22 shares on Telegram this month:

The role I play at family gatherings is that of the cousin that doesn’t show up anymore.

50 shares on Twitch this month:

Quitting my job to focus more on my desire not to work anymore.

47 shares on X this month:

Nice to finally get back that hour they stole earlier this year.

66 shares on Reddit this month:

“You never text back.” No, I be reading texts from the notification bar, then forget to text back.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇧🇬 has downloaded:

I hope one day I will sleep before midnight like normal humans do. Every day I sleep tomorrow, even yesterday I slept today.

Someone from 🇩🇲 has bookmarked:

The fatigue is reaching levels that shouldn’t even be possible.

Someone from 🇦🇱 has viewed:

What is the name of the course in medical school where you learn not to take your patients seriously?

Someone from 🇪🇸 has shared:

I was just viciously body shamed by my mirror.

Someone from 🇮🇶 has downloaded:

They should invent a Sunday that’s longer than a couple of minutes.

Someone from 🇲🇨 has viewed:

Blood pressure too high to chase these hoes.

Someone from 🇲🇼 has viewed:

Let’s hope those bridges you burn keep you warm at night.

Someone from 🇿🇼 has bookmarked:

Drove by a woman with her car broke down, I was going to stop and help until I remembered I don’t know anything about cars or women.

Someone from 🇨🇾 has viewed:

I already want to take a nap tomorrow.

Someone from 🇪🇹 has bookmarked:

Being married means mostly shouting “What?” from other rooms.

Social Media Log 💫

Going bananas on X:

When I trip, I always look back to see who or what did it, because it couldn’t have possibly been my fault.

Trending via YouTube:

I ordered a new umbrella on Amazon and had it delivered straight to the lost and found office to maximize efficiency.

Seen just now on YouTube:

When I say, “I have to be someplace,” what I mean is, “I want to go home.”

Seen just now on Snapchat:

Therapy is expensive, getting lost in the woods and never being seen again is free.

Making waves on TikTok:

I have no idea how people meet at the gym. I turn into a disgusting, angry swamp witch every time I exercise.

Broadcasted on Pinterest:

In the event of a tornado or other such natural disaster, place wieners and/or cheese slices in your pockets, so the search dogs will find you first.

Making waves on Facebook:

I’m so sick of these little 30-minute weekends.

Freshly posted on WhatsApp:

Your annoying online persona has captured my heart.

Trending via WeChat:

Never meeting another person again, so if I know you already, congrats!

Freshly posted on X:

There should be 1 day a month without commercials.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Telling my parents they’re like family to me.

Related Funny Quotes 🤝

Life is short. Make sure you spend as much time as possible on the web arguing with strangers.

When someone points at your black clothes and asks whose funeral it is, having a look around the room and saying ‘Haven’t decided yet’ is typically a good response.

One of my biggest fears during a zombie apocalypse is having to sleep without a fan.

Sometimes the universe puts you in the same situations again to see if you’re still an idiot.

The Welsh language was invented by a dad losing at Scrabble.

I used to be sad about the climate apocalypse, but I went on a few dates and, honestly, I’m ready now.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨