Texting is so boring. Just show up to my door with roses.

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A blind guy felt my face and said, “Wonderful.”

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In a job interview, you can always respond to an awkward question with a deep gaze and parted lips, followed by “You complete me.”

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Offering someone food, and secretly hoping, they don’t want it.

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I know how to use an abacus as a tambourine.

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I make her eyes roll back. Not in bed though. I’m just annoying.

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Brainwashing is always considered terrible and horrible. But there are many brains that would benefit from a wash.

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The single star on Texas’ flag is actually a review.

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I don’t know which aunty needs to hear this, but focus on your own child.

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I’m actually breaking generational curses by surviving my 20s without marrying a man who hates me.

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“I asked Grok. I asked ChatGPT.” Yeah, well, I asked my mom. She said no.