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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇮🇸 has viewed:

My greatest aspiration is to one day solve a murder on a train.

Someone from 🇨🇷 has bookmarked:

I love how spring sprung and then disappeared again.

Someone from 🇲🇳 has viewed:

Once you understand why pizza is made round, packed in square boxes, and eaten as a triangle, then you will understand women.

Someone from 🇦🇱 has bookmarked:

I just really hope The Weeknd’s real name isn’t Mnday.

Someone from 🇦🇫 has shared:

The older I get, I realize my mom was right, but I just didn’t like her tone.

Someone from 🇦🇸 has bookmarked:

The lion can’t keep living like this.

Someone from 🇾🇪 has bookmarked:

I don’t need alcohol to make bad decisions.

Someone from 🇧🇾 has copied:

Never trust people who smile constantly. They’re either selling something or not very bright.

Someone from 🇬🇧 has copied:

One of my greatest strengths is appearing busy so people don’t try to speak to me.

Someone from 🇺🇿 has viewed:

Who decided that skeletons are scary? Because honestly, I’d be more scared if the muscular system suddenly walked into my room.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

55 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,324

Funny Quotes Topics

17,443

Funny Quotes Images

15,324

Updated

Jan 2, 2026

Users Online

3,253

Social Media Log 💫

Spreading quickly via Snapchat:

Dear resealable chocolate bag, your confidence in my self-control was truly inspiring. And you were delicious.

Spotted on X:

We really do need a separate grocery store for people who’ve been on Earth before.

Going viral on Telegram:

No rizz, just pretty eyes and many unsettling things to say.

Shared recently on TikTok:

I’m changing the game. I’m starting to thank people from the top of my heart.

Just landed via WhatsApp:

If I could have immunity to anything I would pick calories.

Freshly posted on Threads:

All my bills say “Outstanding.” I guess I am good to go.

Spreading quickly via Messenger:

First responders? You mean reply guys?

Just landed via Slack:

I think Australians should have to go three rounds in the ring with a kangaroo before they eat him.

Seen just now on Twitch:

You can pronounce it “Nude Jersey” and no one will know.

Just landed via WhatsApp:

Not going is the new leaving early.

There are real people living amongst us who pay for Discord Nitro.

2 months ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
Imagine paying for virtual stickers when you could be buying *real* stickers instead 🎨😂👾

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Trending Funny Quotes 👇

I don’t always listen to Metallica, but when I do, so do my neighbors.

0

2 months ago

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I only obey the traffic rules to get on other peoples’ nerves.

0

2 months ago

annoyance, behavior, humor, i, nerf, obey, rule, rules, traffic, traffic rule
4 out 3 people struggle with math.

0

2 months ago

3, 4, confusion, counting, humor, joke, math, numbers, people, struggle
Good morning, townsfolk. I’m here to slay the monsters.

0

3 months ago

good, here, monster, monsters, morning, slay, townsfolk
They should add a live chat to every Wikipedia article.

0

4 days ago

add, article, chat, communication, every, humor, interaction, internet, live, live chat, online, online interaction, should, technology, Wikipedia
I don’t care about life on other planets. I don’t even have a life on this one.

0

2 months ago

care, even, existence, humor, i, irony, life, perspective, planet, planets, self-deprecation

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

14 shares on WeChat this month:

What did parents do before smart phones, hold their babies with two hands or something?

33 shares on Telegram this month:

Men be like, “But I’m different.” Yeah, a different type of disappointment.

74 shares on TikTok this month:

Caffeine: the adult version of fairy dust.

50 shares on Facebook this month:

I don’t even believe myself when I say I’ll be ready in 5 minutes.

49 shares on Messenger this month:

Due to unforeskin circumcistances …

80 shares on X this month:

Never trust a wet fart.

72 shares on YouTube this month:

Parents saying “I know my child” will forever be the funniest joke.

26 shares on Telegram this month:

I remember when I was broke… I’m still broke, that’s why I remember so well.

25 shares on Discord this month:

My family was too poor for a gene pool, so we soaked our genes in rye whiskey.

57 shares on Telegram this month:

Give it to me straight, doc, what can I do to be healthier besides changing my entire lifestyle?

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇪🇹 has viewed:

Stop blaming everyone for all your problems. Pick one person you hate and blame them for everything.

Someone from 🇮🇷 has shared:

I had big plans to sleep in today, but my bladder canceled.

Someone from 🇰🇲 has copied:

I have heard that people without dogs have to pick up dropped food themselves.

Someone from 🇹🇯 has copied:

You can really tell somebody’s mental state by they hair.

Someone from 🇹🇿 has bookmarked:

90% of my thoughts start with: “What can I eat now?”

Someone from 🇲🇻 has shared:

Don’t argue with her. Just say “you remind me of my ex” then walk away.

Someone from 🇱🇾 has viewed:

Trying to explain to my cat why she can’t jump off the balcony, even though I want to as well.

Someone from 🇫🇮 has copied:

Got my mind on my money and my money is nowhere to be found.

Someone from 🇱🇦 has copied:

Libraries were a good start, but we need more places where people can’t talk.

Someone from 🇱🇻 has viewed:

In England “booster shot” is spelled “borchestershire shot”.

Social Media Log 💫

Seen just now on Slack:

Did 900 crunches today. It was a bag of Cheetos, but still.

Seen just now on Facebook:

The great thing about playing the trombone is no one knows if you’re good at it or not.

Spotted on YouTube:

I’m going to hell in every religion.

Spreading quickly via WeChat:

Why are conclusions necessary in essays? Were you not following?

Spreading quickly via WhatsApp:

Never signed up for a 401k cause there’s no way in hell I can run that far.

Making waves on YouTube:

I should get paid a lot more for being the boss of me.

Shared recently on TikTok:

If dogs ever learn to talk, I want everyone to keep in mind that mine is a big fat liar.

Shared recently on LinkedIn:

Anxiety should have a loyalty rewards program.

Just landed via Discord:

Don’t ring my doorbell unless you’re accompanied by a camera crew and holding balloons and a big check.

Making waves on Pinterest:

Millionaires and multi-billion dollar companies be like, “We’re doing our part by asking the poor to donate to the poor.”

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

There are real people living amongst us who pay for Discord Nitro.

Related Funny Quotes 🤝

I don’t always listen to Metallica, but when I do, so do my neighbors.

I only obey the traffic rules to get on other peoples’ nerves.

4 out 3 people struggle with math.

Good morning, townsfolk. I’m here to slay the monsters.

They should add a live chat to every Wikipedia article.

I don’t care about life on other planets. I don’t even have a life on this one.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨