Wordgag ツ

10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇧🇹 has shared:

Love when a doctor emails me about my “outstanding bill”. If it’s so good, why don’t you pay it?

Someone from 🇹🇲 has shared:

I only attract psychopaths. If you’ve ever had a crush on me, find a therapist.

Someone from 🇷🇺 has copied:

Halloween candy isn’t bad for you if you keep it in a salad bowl.

Someone from 🇪🇬 has viewed:

They say money doesn’t solve all problems, but it will surely solve all of mine.

Someone from 🇸🇲 has copied:

So far, every Miss Universe winner has been from Earth.

Someone from 🇨🇺 has copied:

Shuffling into the kitchen in a robe Sunday morning to change the clock on the microwave is the lamest form of time travel ever.

Someone from 🇧🇳 has bookmarked:

Yes, liquor store clerk, I do need help. But I decided to come here instead.

Someone from 🇫🇯 has downloaded:

I have tasted sending long paragraphs, and I have tasted saying OK. I highly recommend saying OK.

Someone from 🇩🇯 has shared:

You ever see a woman so beautiful it makes you momentarily mentally ill?

Someone from 🇵🇱 has bookmarked:

It is a shame that nothing is built in America anymore. I just bought a TV that said: “Built in Antenna”. I don’t even know where that is.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

294 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,563

Funny Quotes Topics

17,619

Funny Quotes Images

15,563

Updated

Jan 11, 2026

Users Online

3,578

Social Media Log 💫

Just shared via YouTube:

The most annoying child in our house is that of my mother-in-law.

Going viral on Threads:

I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again because I have a terrible memory.

Going viral on Slack:

I’d rather lose you than the argument.

Spotted on Telegram:

What a lot of people don’t understand about mountain climbing is: don’t do that!

Going viral on Snapchat:

Santa doesn’t check the naughty list anymore, he just checks social media.

Trending via Snapchat:

The divorce process is easier than breaking up with your hair stylist.

Going viral on Messenger:

I don’t like who I become when I’m watching someone Google something less efficiently than I would myself.

Going viral on Instagram:

Teaching myself ukulele! Neighbor keeping the beat on my wall!

Just landed via LinkedIn:

Trust me; this is the second millennium I’ve lived in.

Making waves on Discord:

Due to foreseen circumstances well within my control I will be late.

They don’t put cars in malls anymore, like they used to.

2 months ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
Back in my day, parking was so convenient you could shop from the driver's seat! 🚗🛍️😄

car, cars, humor, mall, nostalgia, put, shopping, used

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Neighbors are fighting. Can I knock on the wall and ask them to speak up so I know whose side I’m on?

2 months ago

ask, conflict, eavesdropping, fighting, humor, i, knock, know, neighbors, observation, side, speak, wall
Why do my kids have Veteran’s Day off, they haven’t done shit.

2 months ago

day, day off, done, holiday, humor, kids, parenting, sarcasm, shit, veteran’s, Veteran’s Day, work
I love it when my dog suddenly gets up and goes to another part of the house. Did you just remember you left the stove on or something?

2 months ago

another, distraction, dog, forget, funny moment, house, humor, i, just, left, love, moment, pet, remember, something, stove
An eye exam where the optometrist makes you read a menu under dim lights.

2 months ago

awkward, awkward moment, dim, dim lights, exam, eye, eye exam, funny situation, lights, menu, moment, optometrist, read, situation, test, under, vision, vision test, where
How is every author the #1 New York Times bestseller?

2 months ago

1, author, bestseller, book, every, humor, new, New York Times, publishing, times, writing, york
I spend half the day wondering if it’s too late for coffee and the other half wondering if it’s too early for alcohol.

2 months ago

afternoon, alcohol, beverage, coffee, day, decision, dilemma, early, half, humor, i, late, morning, procrastination, spend, time, too, wondering

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

93 shares on Slack this month:

Why do they call it a garage sale instead of a garbage sale?

94 shares on Discord this month:

I need a Netflix show called: “Background noise while you scroll on your phone.”

99 shares on Messenger this month:

If trees offered Wi-Fi, we would plant more of them. Too bad they only produce this oxygen thing.

33 shares on Slack this month:

Spices were first brought to Western Europe in the Middle Ages. Some of them are still at the back of my cupboard.

13 shares on Telegram this month:

Can you lose weight by running away from your feelings?

30 shares on Slack this month:

She didn’t leave you on read, bro. You left her on speechless.

34 shares on Twitch this month:

If a vegetarian who eats fish is a pescatarian, is a vegetarian who eats chicken called a poultrygeist?

50 shares on Pinterest this month:

They should invent a situationship that turns into something beautiful.

79 shares on Reddit this month:

People remind me everyday why I prefer being on my own.

92 shares on TikTok this month:

Relationships: Because sometimes destroying your life is a two person job.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇺🇸 has bookmarked:

I’m only an introvert until I meet people worth extroverting with.

Someone from 🇮🇷 has downloaded:

The first sin in the Bible was eating an apple. The second was murder. That escalated quickly.

Someone from 🇮🇹 has copied:

In the 80s, you could literally shrink your kids with a shrink-ray, and your wife wouldn’t divorce you. I’m pretty sure I saw a documentary film about it.

Someone from 🇱🇺 has shared:

The woman that cleaned my house could make a lot of money by threatening to release the before and after photos.

Someone from 🇹🇼 has downloaded:

Spiraling out of control if anyone wants anything.

Someone from 🇵🇱 has shared:

So basically, companies pay YouTube to show ads, and we pay YouTube to not show ads.

Someone from 🇳🇦 has copied:

Love to go to hipster restaurants and eat half a grilled cheese off an old license plate.

Someone from 🇧🇿 has downloaded:

They won’t teach you this in school, but life is all about going to weird little diners.

Someone from 🇲🇱 has downloaded:

Christmas decor isn’t meant to be sleek and minimalist, it is supposed to look like joy threw up in your house.

Someone from 🇱🇦 has bookmarked:

My superpower? I can look you right in the eyes while you’re talking and not hear a single word you said.

Social Media Log 💫

Spotted on Reddit:

How late is too late to still be lying in bed, naked, drinking coffee?

Freshly posted on Facebook:

I tried being the bigger person but all it got me was type 2 diabetes.

Making waves on WhatsApp:

I don’t understand why people have to “get ready for bed.” I am always ready for bed.

Spotted on Instagram:

Staying in bed all day is my way of saving money.

Spotted on LinkedIn:

The thumbs up emoji is a nice way to tell someone not only did you receive their message, you’re also done with the conversation.

Just landed via Facebook:

The older I get, the more I start to understand the appeal of birdwatching as a hobby. I do find myself watching these little troublemakers quite often.

Freshly posted on WhatsApp:

Just told my cat I’d give her 500 bucks to stop meowing.

Just shared via Reddit:

If a ham is allowed to spiral then so am I.

Just landed via LinkedIn:

They should make a movie that’s good the whole way through.

Just shared via Threads:

We decided to have money instead of children.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

They don’t put cars in malls anymore, like they used to.

Related Funny Posts 🤝

Neighbors are fighting. Can I knock on the wall and ask them to speak up so I know whose side I’m on?

Why do my kids have Veteran’s Day off, they haven’t done shit.

I love it when my dog suddenly gets up and goes to another part of the house. Did you just remember you left the stove on or something?

An eye exam where the optometrist makes you read a menu under dim lights.

How is every author the #1 New York Times bestseller?

I spend half the day wondering if it’s too late for coffee and the other half wondering if it’s too early for alcohol.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨