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Trending Funny Quotes 👇

  • Walking into someone’s house with healthy, thriving houseplants everywhere: “Oh, I see you dabble in witchcraft!”
  • Texting my boss to let him know how excited I am for work tomorrow.
  • If I’m ever murdered, feel comfort in knowing I ran my mouth until the bitter end.
  • Go ahead. Order anything you want. Money is no object when we dine at IKEA.
  • Just broke a clothes hanger and now have seven years of bad outfits.
  • Nurse: “This may hurt.” Me: “My life hasn’t been much fun either.”