Wordgag ツ

10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇵🇦 has downloaded:

“OMG I love your personality,” thanks, it’s a disorder.

Someone from 🇸🇬 has downloaded:

Taylor Swift is a psyop designed to get my wife to hum little tunes here and there.

Someone from 🇨🇿 has viewed:

I run every day for 30 minutes. If I miss a day, I add 30 minutes to the next day. This has truly been a game changer. Tomorrow I’m supposed to run for 3 weeks.

Someone from 🇸🇧 has copied:

Just gave my boyfriend an incorrect direction in the car, and he sighed and muttered to himself, “Never assign to malice what can be attributed to incompetence.”

Someone from 🇲🇩 has shared:

My five-year plan is to get back my whimsy, joy, childlike wonder.

Someone from 🇹🇳 has viewed:

Don’t study, get slutty!

Someone from 🇨🇩 has bookmarked:

Wild Friday night, and by wild, I mean me and the other psychopaths at the gym.

Someone from 🇨🇫 has shared:

Two reasons you never date at work: 1. HR frowns upon it. 2. Your partner gets super pissed.

Someone from 🇵🇰 has bookmarked:

Handshakes should be banned. Touch our naked body parts together for all the world to see? Gross!

Someone from 🇧🇫 has copied:

I’m sorry I lied to you. I only did it for material gain. And to cause you psychological harm. And to prove I’m smarter than you.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

237 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,506

Funny Quotes Topics

17,571

Funny Quotes Images

15,506

Updated

Jan 6, 2026

Users Online

3,268

Social Media Log 💫

Freshly posted on Threads:

People who cook breakfast before going to work are too mature for me.

Freshly posted on Twitch:

The term “bisexual” is so confusing. Are you sexual twice a week or once every other week?

Spotted on LinkedIn:

Nobody is more stressed than a person who has a lot of interests or passions and is still confused about their career.

Going bananas on Instagram:

Sometimes a lover girl, sometimes a dinosaur.

Making waves on YouTube:

That gap between Christmas and New Year’s when you can’t tell what day of the week it is.

Just shared via YouTube:

Telemarketer: “Hello, am I speaking to the head of the household?” Me, handing the phone to my cat: “It’s for you.”

Going viral on WhatsApp:

Getting older is so fun. Your life goals slowly transition from things like ‘land a dream job’ to ‘successfully grow a cherry tomato.’

Freshly posted on Messenger:

Attention: will the owner of a small blue planet with tectonic plates please attend to your vehicle. It is overheating.

Shared recently on YouTube:

There aren’t enough rap songs about cutting coupons.

Spreading quickly via WhatsApp:

When it gets past my bedtime, I get so scared.

“You’re an athlete,” I whisper to myself, as I begin my third attempt to get out of the couch.

2 months ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
"When getting off the couch feels like an Olympic sport, but your medal is just chips! 🥇🍟 #Couchlete"

athlete, attempt, begin, comedy, couch, fitness, humor, i, laziness, motivation, myself, procrastination, self-motivation, third, whisper

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

I’m old enough to remember when rainbows were in black and white.

0

2 months ago

black, black and white, enough, humor, memory, nostalgia, old, rainbow, remember, white
Need to clean the fridge, so I’m going to do the responsible thing and drink wine instead.

0

2 months ago

adulting, clean, cleaning, drink, fridge, going, humor, need, procrastination, responsible, thing, wine
I have now spread out a blue tarpaulin in the garden. I want it to look like I have a pool on Google Maps.

0

2 months ago

blue, creative, creative project, fun, funny idea, garden, Google, Google Maps, home, home improvement, i, idea, improvement, maps, outdoor, outdoor fun, pool, project, spread, tarpaulin, want
If you love me, please don’t ask me to go camping with you.

0

2 months ago

ask, camping, humor, love, me, please, relationship
You don’t get to comment on the world until you’ve made your bed.

0

5 months ago

advice, bed, comment, humor, lesson, life, life lesson, responsibility, world
Really miss the drama of being able to angrily shut a flip phone.

0

5 months ago

able, anger, being, drama, flip, flip phone, frustration, humor, miss, nostalgia, phone, shut

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

59 shares on Slack this month:

Every time I have to repeat myself, a new curse word gets added into the sentence.

44 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Some of you aren’t reading the room. Not even listening to the room on audiobook.

69 shares on Facebook this month:

Girl, I’m bored. Let’s start drinking the daily recommended 10-15 cups of water.

55 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Going to the gym for my health and wellbeing? No, I just wanna look good naked.

88 shares on Pinterest this month:

Thinking of telling my extra weight that I love it so that it can leave me too.

73 shares on Threads this month:

Love low-hanging fruit. Easiest kind to obtain, in my opinion.

53 shares on Pinterest this month:

The most unrealistic part of Christmas movies isn’t the existence of Santa… it’s that all these people have, like, a month off work with no interruptions.

45 shares on WeChat this month:

Sex is great, but have you ever started slowly picking up speed after sitting in a traffic jam?

47 shares on WeChat this month:

The most valuable breed of cow are the Cash.

21 shares on Threads this month:

Why do chefs always have to cut everything so fast? It’s just an onion man, why don’t you relax?

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇳🇿 has bookmarked:

“Listen to your body!” Okay, well, my body wants to lay down and eat snacks all day.

Someone from 🇮🇶 has copied:

You know those couples who share their food? I mean, what kind of people are they? Aren’t they hungry?

Someone from 🇵🇾 has viewed:

Having a kid is so fun when you’re childish, like yeah, it’s my turn with the slime, boo.

Someone from 🇧🇯 has copied:

If you really wanna piss someone off when introducing them, make little finger quotation marks in the air when announcing their job title.

Someone from 🇬🇼 has viewed:

Don’t forget, you are someone’s weird colleague.

Someone from 🇮🇩 has downloaded:

My handwriting makes a pharmacist look like a calligrapher.

Someone from 🇦🇹 has downloaded:

You should always wear a helmet when doing dangerous things or talking about politics.

Someone from 🇲🇱 has copied:

A dating app for people who self sabotage called Hinder.

Someone from 🇲🇽 has bookmarked:

I’m eating for two; me and the person I strive to be.

Someone from 🇬🇶 has downloaded:

Stop trying to be liked by everybody. You don’t even like everybody.

Social Media Log 💫

Going bananas on Twitch:

Walking up to any crime scene and whispering within the crowd, “It’s started again, hasn’t it?” then leaving.

Freshly posted on YouTube:

Unfortunately, a great many problems in life can be solved by just being hotter.

Live now on Slack:

Be nice to me, I may be hot one day.

Spreading quickly via Discord:

When I was young, I was afraid of the dark. Now, these bills got me afraid of the light.

Trending via YouTube:

I love routine. Until I’m bored, then I love excitement. Until I’m overwhelmed, then I love routine.

Live now on Reddit:

Is it stupid and irresponsible? Yes. Will it make me happy? Also yes.

Just landed via YouTube:

I don’t know much, but I know this: the older you get, the faster the number of things you’re willing to wait in line for approaches zero.

Trending via Messenger:

Petition to lower the retirement age. I’m tired now.

Going bananas on Twitch:

The worst thing about being an adult is that you have to be one every single day.

Spotted on YouTube:

Why do they call it rush hour when nothing moves?

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

“You’re an athlete,” I whisper to myself, as I begin my third attempt to get out of the couch.

Related Funny Posts 🤝

I’m old enough to remember when rainbows were in black and white.

Need to clean the fridge, so I’m going to do the responsible thing and drink wine instead.

I have now spread out a blue tarpaulin in the garden. I want it to look like I have a pool on Google Maps.

If you love me, please don’t ask me to go camping with you.

You don’t get to comment on the world until you’ve made your bed.

Really miss the drama of being able to angrily shut a flip phone.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨