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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇪🇨 has shared:

I believe in Bigfoot because Bigfoot believes in me.

Someone from 🇦🇺 has viewed:

My whole life is basically a blooper reel.

Someone from 🇸🇱 has bookmarked:

I don’t have any generational wealth but I did inherit a great spaghetti sauce recipe.

Someone from 🇦🇷 has viewed:

I stopped understanding math when the alphabet decided to get involved.

Someone from 🇩🇲 has shared:

I met the real Santa tonight, and he said you’re all in trouble.

Someone from 🇬🇦 has downloaded:

Optimist: The glass is ½ full. Pessimist: The glass is ½ empty. Excel: The glass is January 2nd.

Someone from 🇧🇩 has copied:

She was rare, like a shopping cart at the grocery without a wobbly wheel.

Someone from 🇭🇷 has downloaded:

Imagine hating me and i’m just over here doing a much better job at hating myself than any of y’all could do.

Someone from 🇫🇮 has copied:

Not feeling fergalicious today, actually feeling pretty fergusting right now.

Someone from 🇦🇺 has viewed:

Life can only give you lemons if you answer the door.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

234 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,503

Funny Quotes Topics

17,569

Funny Quotes Images

15,503

Jan 6, 2026

3,612

Social Media Log 💫

Making waves on YouTube:

Source? It was revealed to me on a walk.

Just landed via Messenger:

This tape doesn’t even taste like scotch.

Going bananas on Pinterest:

The science between bragging about a man and him disappointing you immediately after needs to be studied.

Just landed via Instagram:

I wanna date someone cuter than me, but sadly I am the cutest.

Just shared via LinkedIn:

What happened to the huge corporate Christmas parties you see in all the ’90s movies? Seems like that doesn’t exist at all anymore.

Seen just now on Pinterest:

Not using emoji while texting is my way to show that I’m serious.

Shared recently on LinkedIn:

I’m glad laughter is the best medicine because my insurance sucks.

Seen just now on WhatsApp:

Life is just a sequence of missed opportunities.

Seen just now on WhatsApp:

The only thing keeping me from world domination is a good nap.

Seen just now on X:

Doctors diagnosed me as your future wife.

All this suffering on earth because someone ate an apple once.

2 months ago

0

All this suffering on earth because someone ate an apple once.

Download image ↓

Commentary:
🍎🌎🤔 "Imagine causing millennia of suffering and chaos just by taking a bite out of an innocent apple! 🤷‍♂️ Who knew fruits could have such dramatic consequences? 🙈 Maybe next time, stick to bananas or strawberries to avoid all this trouble! 😆"

apple, consequence, Earth, humor, irony, once, someone, suffering

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

I think you are suffering from a lack of vitamin ME.

0

2 months ago

confidence, ego, humor, i, lack, me, playful, sarcasm, self-love, suffering, think, vitamin
The elderberry is the wisest and most knowledgeable of all the berries.

0

2 months ago

berry, elderberry, fruit, humor, knowledge, most, wisdom
Ever since I was a little kid, I knew I would be fraught with melancholy and nostalgia.

0

7 days ago

childhood, ever, humor, i, kid, little, melancholy, nostalgia, self-awareness
I’m sorry for the things I said when there were too many noises at the same time.

0

4 months ago

apology, communication, distraction, frustration, humor, i, misunderstanding, multitasking, noise, noises, said, same, sorry, things, time, too
Pregnancy is crazy. You really come home with someone you don’t know, with no teeth.

0

2 months ago

baby, crazy, home, humor, know, parenting, pregnancy, someone, surprise, teeth
Why do parents bust in your room like they trying to catch you cheating on them with another pair of parents or something?

0

4 weeks ago

another, catch, cheating, family, humor, invasion, pair, parent, parents, privacy, room, something, trying, why

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

29 shares on X this month:

It’s almost bed time, so I’ll just check my e-mail, Twitter, Instagram, Facebook, and watch a season of my favorite show on Netflix real quick.

35 shares on Pinterest this month:

White guys have a slur for other white guys they don’t respect, it’s called ‘buddy.’

51 shares on TikTok this month:

What are some fun beginner crimes for someone getting into lawlessness?

49 shares on X this month:

Went outside. Touched grass. Got bit by bugs. Zero stars.

92 shares on Discord this month:

People who cook breakfast before going to work are too mature for me.

45 shares on TikTok this month:

If I let you into my life, I am either emotionally invested or you are a grilled cheese sandwich.

12 shares on Reddit this month:

I can’t wait until I’m old enough to pretend I can’t hear.

57 shares on X this month:

We need a true crime show called Downtown Stabby.

69 shares on LinkedIn this month:

‘Sex with your ex’ is so stupid. If you want to dwell on the past, you can just buy a history book.

73 shares on Threads this month:

I wonder if the fall of Rome was this stupid.

Trending Topics 📁

Hot Jokes 💥

10 folks are currently checking 👀

These days I just accept the website cookies without any protest. Website is like Grandma, I’m not gonna fight with her.

19 folks are currently checking 👀

I wish it was socially acceptable to DM someone, “Hey, why did you and your partner break up?”

23 folks are currently checking 👀

Some days you have breakfast for dinner and live life on your own terms.

24 folks are currently checking 👀

Facebook is like a never-ending high school reunion.

23 folks are currently checking 👀

I asked myself if I was toxic and we said no.

18 folks are currently checking 👀

Liking someone who likes you back is probably really good for your mental health.

14 folks are currently checking 👀

Cartoons make it look like getting stabbed in the butt with a pitchfork would be no big deal, but I beg to differ.

5 folks are currently checking 👀

Imagine you blocked me, and I crawled out from under your couch to ask why.

17 folks are currently checking 👀

Hobbies include fake smiling while waiting for people to stop talking.

24 folks are currently checking 👀

I don’t know who needs to hear this, but your clothes are still in the washing machine.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

234 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,503

Funny Quotes Topics

17,569

Funny Quotes Images

15,503

Updated

Jan 6, 2026

Users Online

3,527

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇧🇼 has viewed:

Don’t come to my house unannounced. I will stare at you from my window.

Someone from 🇦🇴 has downloaded:

Do men know they don’t have to keep their clothing until it disintegrates?

Someone from 🇷🇼 has bookmarked:

I can’t believe Halloween was 10 pounds ago.

Someone from 🇨🇿 has shared:

My boss denied me a raise before my shift today. What’s some music you have never wanted to hear in a coffee shop?

Someone from 🇨🇺 has downloaded:

Wine must breathe. I always hear that wine needs to breathe. I want to drink it and not revive it.

Someone from 🇿🇲 has copied:

If you live in the same hemisphere as me, you’ve probably already heard me sneeze.

Someone from 🇪🇸 has copied:

Stop avoiding your banking app. Go look at what you’ve done.

Someone from 🇯🇲 has copied:

Whoever said money can’t buy happiness, clearly never paid for a divorce.

Someone from 🇰🇭 has copied:

Oh, to live in simpler times, when there was nothing to do but sit by the seashore and contemplate the miracle of existence.

Someone from 🇧🇷 has shared:

Money doesn’t impress me. Giving it to me does.

Social Media Log 💫

Just landed via Threads:

What wine pairs well with the kids being stuck inside during a heat wave?

Going bananas on Slack:

I miss having that butterfly feeling. People give me roach vibes at this point.

Going viral on Slack:

You got beef with me, but none in your fridge. That’s why you’re mad. You’re hungry.

Just shared via WhatsApp:

“You’re at the age where both 1990 and 2003 are flirting with you.”

Spreading quickly via YouTube:

I like how people say “manage your depression,” like it’s a stock portfolio, but you’re heavily invested in sadness.

Freshly posted on TikTok:

The first person to realize you can eat bone marrow must have really hated that cow.

Seen just now on Instagram:

Friends come and go, like the waves of the ocean, but the true ones stay like an octopus on your face.

Seen just now on Twitch:

How did the person who invented the spelling of “banana” decide when to stop?

Broadcasted on Instagram:

You’re old if you’re excited to learn how to play Mahjong.

Just landed via TikTok:

I find it extremely hard to believe that you’re rolling on the floor laughing.

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