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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇨🇳 has downloaded:

I get shy when my man stares at me for too long because what if he’s realizing I’m actually a lil ugly.

Someone from 🇲🇾 has shared:

Someone in their late 20s giving advice to someone in their early 20s is exactly like when a toddler is obsessed with a newborn.

Someone from 🇺🇦 has downloaded:

I need to know the brand of toothbrush my neighbor has. I hear it buzzing sometimes an hour at a time and she’s clearly enjoying it.

Someone from 🇮🇳 has copied:

You’re my least favourite notification.

Someone from 🇳🇪 has shared:

Apologize for the job that you do. It would be nice if you were talented too.

Someone from 🇳🇪 has viewed:

Even when I look up the slang of today’s kids, I still have no idea what it means.

Someone from 🇭🇹 has viewed:

The closer you are to nature, the further you are from idiots.

Someone from 🇲🇹 has downloaded:

You know you’re mature when you go to the dentist and you are no longer afraid of pain, but of how much it costs.

Someone from 🇸🇾 has bookmarked:

The part right before bench pressing when you’re laying down but not lifting is so good.

Someone from 🇹🇼 has bookmarked:

Men call us “gold diggers” when we expect them to pay for a meal. Honey, a gold digger goes after yachts, not a piece of chicken.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

236 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,505

Funny Quotes Topics

17,570

Funny Quotes Images

15,505

Jan 6, 2026

3,379

Social Media Log 💫

Going viral on WeChat:

Sorry, I just saw your text from last night. Are you guys still at the restaurant?

Just landed via WeChat:

This year for Thanksgiving, I’ll probably bring what I brought last year… shame upon the family.

Trending via YouTube:

Does everyone have that one colleague at work who puts you in a bad mood just by looking at them?

Just landed via Threads:

You can tell a lot about someone based on which Spice Girl they were most attracted to.

Trending via Discord:

My toxic trait is treating my glasses like they’re not the most expensive thing I wear everyday.

Trending via WhatsApp:

A collective orgasm would fix the world.

Just landed via Instagram:

I am sick and tired of going to the bathroom. It’s been forty years. It should all be out by now.

Shared recently on Messenger:

Don’t judge me. I was born to be awesome, not perfect.

Just shared via Slack:

Baby, no job is ever that serious for you to be a work snitch.

Going bananas on Facebook:

If you’re thinking what I’m thinking, you need professional help.

All this suffering on earth because someone ate an apple once.

2 months ago

0

All this suffering on earth because someone ate an apple once.

Download image ↓

Commentary:
🍎🌎🤔 "Imagine causing millennia of suffering and chaos just by taking a bite out of an innocent apple! 🤷‍♂️ Who knew fruits could have such dramatic consequences? 🙈 Maybe next time, stick to bananas or strawberries to avoid all this trouble! 😆"

apple, consequence, Earth, humor, irony, once, someone, suffering

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

I was going to do some yoga today, but had a donut instead.

0

2 months ago

donut, exercise, fitness, going, humor, i, indulgence, procrastination, snack, today, yoga
Parents be like, “I gave you everything I had,” and by everything, they meant the collector’s edition boxed set of mental illness.

0

2 months ago

boxed, collector’s, collector’s edition, edition, everything, family, humor, i, illness, meant, mental, mental illness, parent, parents, sarcasm, set
I walk around like everything’s fine, but deep down, inside my shoe, my sock is sliding off.

0

2 months ago

deep, discomfort, fine, humor, i, inside, irony, shoe, sock, struggle, walk, walking
Flying bugs can basically go anywhere they want, but still choose to fly right into your face.

0

2 months ago

annoyance, anywhere, bug, bugs, choose, face, fly, fly into face, flying, flying bug, humor, insect, nature, right, still, want
I forgot to sweep up some crumbs earlier, and I just heard an ant moaning in pleasure as he discovered the bounty.

0

1 month ago

ant, cleaning, crumb, crumbs, discovery, earlier, forgot, humor, i, just, kitchen, moaning, pest, pleasure, surprise, sweep
I miss when 1K was a lot of money.

0

2 months ago

currency, finance, humor, i, lot, miss, money, nostalgia, value, wealth

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

80 shares on YouTube this month:

ChatGPT is there for me in ways I don’t think any man ever could be.

15 shares on YouTube this month:

The smarter we make the A.I., the less it wants to do our jobs.

55 shares on Discord this month:

Girlfriend is temporary, ex-girlfriend is forever.

30 shares on Messenger this month:

And then there are those dates after which you think: “Have I really shaved my legs for this?”

79 shares on Snapchat this month:

Welcome to downtown where the crosswalk signals are merely suggestions and you hope the puddles are water.

34 shares on Facebook this month:

The sun really clocks out for the day before I do. That’s insane.

29 shares on Reddit this month:

My home security system is just a copy of my paycheck taped to my front door.

46 shares on Facebook this month:

No one my age is single because they’re all unhappily married.

86 shares on Facebook this month:

The bank just called and gave me the biggest compliment, said my balance is outstanding. I really needed that today.

46 shares on Reddit this month:

I’m a kid at heart and a senior citizen at my knees and back.

Trending Topics 📁

Hot Jokes 💥

24 folks are currently checking 👀

Oh, Amazon, no. Please do not tell me how many packages I had delivered this year; that is none of my business.

9 folks are currently checking 👀

I just be giggling, then start thinking about bills and remember ain’t nothing funny.

23 folks are currently checking 👀

Overheard the most hilarious conversation on my morning commute, then realized it was just me talking to myself in my car.

18 folks are currently checking 👀

I hope this email finds you at relative peace with the paradox of existence.

9 folks are currently checking 👀

Social media needs to crash for like a year so everybody can snap back into reality.

16 folks are currently checking 👀

The closest I have ever come to bungee jumping was when I was born.

23 folks are currently checking 👀

Hell hath no fury like a toddler getting his nose wiped.

5 folks are currently checking 👀

I think I look pretty okay for my age. It’s just when I hold menus two feet from my face that I know the ruse is up.

11 folks are currently checking 👀

My hobbies include going home, wishing I was at home, and being at home.

20 folks are currently checking 👀

I’m going to get some steel wool so I can crochet myself a new car.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

236 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,505

Funny Quotes Topics

17,570

Funny Quotes Images

15,505

Updated

Jan 6, 2026

Users Online

3,731

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇭🇳 has bookmarked:

I hope all of you get laid and not laid off this year. Amen.

Someone from 🇺🇾 has downloaded:

People at the library need to learn how to be quiet. Some of us are trying to beatbox over here.

Someone from 🇫🇲 has bookmarked:

I never though I’d be the kind of person who wakes up early to exercise. I was right.

Someone from 🇨🇾 has copied:

You’re 25, stressing like you’re 40, because you want to be rich before 30, am I right?

Someone from 🇸🇪 has bookmarked:

There’s no need to put a little umbrella in my drink. It’s already wet.

Someone from 🇱🇷 has bookmarked:

I don’t care what other people think of me, at least mosquitoes find me attractive.

Someone from 🇳🇬 has downloaded:

Ironically, the Internet was invented to save time.

Someone from 🇭🇹 has downloaded:

If your name is “Guy”, you have lazy parents.

Someone from 🇦🇴 has copied:

Taking a Hooters waitress on a date to a different Hooters on her night off.

Someone from 🇷🇸 has shared:

At the dispensary asking which strain will stop the yearning.

Social Media Log 💫

Spotted on Twitch:

Brave of you to assume you can resist my good looks.

Making waves on Reddit:

Weird me out? No. You’ve weirded me in. Let’s merge souls.

Just landed via LinkedIn:

This too shall pass. It might pass like a kidney stone. But it will pass.

Spotted on Snapchat:

If the line at the grocery store takes longer than 10 minutes, the candy beside the checkout should be free.

Just shared via Telegram:

I love surprising my metabolism. It never knows what’s coming—either absolute starvation or 1,000+ calories all at once.

Freshly posted on WeChat:

My last straw is way longer than I thought.

Just shared via Discord:

The man who invented autocorrect has died. Restaurant in peace.

Breaking via TikTok:

Before you try to save someone, make sure you’re not interrupting their karma.

Going viral on Discord:

I tried a onesome before, but I started catching feelings.

Live now on TikTok:

Kids these days don’t know the shame of having to explain yo-yo injuries.

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