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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇮🇳 has viewed:

Whenever you feel like the world is falling apart, take a deep breath and remember you’re right.

Someone from 🇹🇴 has downloaded:

Somebody should market a beer called “Occasionally”. So when asked, I can say, “I only drink occasionally”.

Someone from 🇮🇶 has shared:

I’m far too underqualified for adult life, and I feel like I was promoted to manager far too quickly.

Someone from 🇬🇶 has bookmarked:

Dating again after you break up with a long-term partner is like dying in a video game and ending up back at the start to do it all again, except with less health.

Someone from 🇦🇪 has copied:

Anyone know if we got the meek inheriting the Earth today?

Someone from 🇬🇹 has viewed:

If you think I’m rude, you should hear the voices in my head.

Someone from 🇭🇺 has shared:

People never run off to join the circus anymore.

Someone from 🇬🇼 has copied:

I don’t have an advent calendar, so I’m just opening cupboard doors and eating what’s in there.

Someone from 🇰🇬 has downloaded:

Once I find a dragon, y’all are toast.

Someone from 🇭🇳 has copied:

The first time people saw a train coming at them, they ran away in terror.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

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Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,464

Social Media Log 💫

Seen just now on TikTok:

Nobody is more cold-blooded than a toddler, just saying what they see and feel.

Freshly posted on Facebook:

I want a chiropractor to crack my entire body like a glow stick.

Just shared via Discord:

Women call me ugly until they find out how much money I make. Then they call me ugly and poor.

Going viral on WhatsApp:

You want to know how old you really feel? Stop drinking caffeine and popping Ibuprofen. Then, just wait.

Spotted on Pinterest:

Not sure what’s longer: a microwave minute or watching a video while someone else is holding the phone, insisting it’s hilarious.

Going viral on WeChat:

If I had a tiny girlfriend, I would love to throw her across gaps so she can pull levers and open doors that get me to her part of the level.

Freshly posted on Slack:

Sometimes I read a text and think, “What a psycho.” And then I press send.

Just shared via TikTok:

Entered this world crying, and honestly, not much has changed.

Breaking via WeChat:

Spotify Wrapped? Next year, maybe you should try to be in the top .05% of listeners to your girlfriend.

Just landed via Instagram:

I like my job, but if I had the opportunity to become a rich housewife, I would take it.

Asking him what his favorite dinosaur is on the first date to determine compatibility.

Witty text about dating and dinosaurs, playful and humorous in tone.
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Commentary:
Clearly, the key to a perfect relationship is knowing his heart belongs to the T. rex. 🦖❤️ Or is it time to find out if he’s a secret Triceratops fan? 🤔😂

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Keep the laugh going 😂

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Random Funny Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

76 shares on WhatsApp this month:

If you’re a mad scientist, put a note in your laboratory reminding you to sometimes be a happy scientist.

15 shares on Threads this month:

Toothpaste sure knows how to ruin whatever you’re drinking.

40 shares on X this month:

“No idea” doesn’t mean I don’t know the answer. I just don’t want to have a conversation.

91 shares on Instagram this month:

At the end of my appointment, the doctor took her own blood pressure.

88 shares on Slack this month:

The place where you pour in the gas is the car’s gasshole.

15 shares on Reddit this month:

Nothing more dangerous than an ignorant man who thinks he is a genius.

32 shares on WhatsApp this month:

“There are no words in the English language that have all the vowels in alphabetical order,” he said facetiously.

99 shares on WeChat this month:

Smash Mouth was so right, the years really do start coming and they don’t stop coming.

73 shares on Messenger this month:

My favorite part about having a Peloton is telling people I have a Peloton.

89 shares on Facebook this month:

That pile of clothes on my bed, seems to have strange powers and gets higher on its own.

Trending Topics 📁

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Hot Jokes 💥

25 folks are currently checking 👀

Can you turn your swag off for one second and listen?

23 folks are currently checking 👀

Me: “I’m still young.” My bones: “No, we not.”

16 folks are currently checking 👀

Everybody in the grocery store is my enemy, and I will not be elaborating.

17 folks are currently checking 👀

I crashed my bike in 1989 and hurt my knee real bad. We didn’t have social media back then so I’m telling you guys now.

22 folks are currently checking 👀

I don’t want to brag but I walked into a room and remembered why I walked in.

14 folks are currently checking 👀

If we start dating now, we could be arguing on a road trip by August.

15 folks are currently checking 👀

Turns out “V for Vendetta” is not an educational movie and it won’t teach your kids the alphabet.

25 folks are currently checking 👀

I am “We read the newspaper front to back every single day,” years old.

24 folks are currently checking 👀

The government always waits until the last minute to prevent a shutdown, much like my approach to paying taxes.

5 folks are currently checking 👀

Every time I have to leave the house and be around people I remember why I hate having to leave the house and be around people.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,565

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇱🇧 has shared:

If I block you and you email me, you’re getting another chance.

Someone from 🇸🇲 has shared:

If I buy the circus, the monkey will be the manager.

Someone from 🇹🇿 has bookmarked:

Shout out to the dude who flipped me off in traffic. Making me feel all nostalgic for California, thank you.

Someone from 🇬🇭 has bookmarked:

Hey bro, please stop using all the good skipping rocks at the river.

Someone from 🇹🇹 has bookmarked:

I’m really into writing short fiction, mainly to-do lists.

Someone from 🇨🇿 has bookmarked:

God’s plan for me is super weird so far.

Someone from 🇰🇪 has shared:

“Don’t bite the hand that feeds you!” Maybe just don’t bite hands. Shouldn’t have to qualify it.

Someone from 🇧🇹 has copied:

Damn, I just realized that the future idealized version of myself can’t exist without current me being the catalyst for change and doing hard things.

Someone from 🇬🇭 has shared:

I got all my marriage skills from watching Al Bundy.

Someone from 🇴🇲 has viewed:

I could never be an Instagram mom influencer. For starters, I wouldn’t be able to give my kids a name like Banjo or Parmesan or Chandelier.

Social Media Log 💫

Going bananas on LinkedIn:

I don’t think I’ve ever made the right amount of pasta.

Shared recently on Pinterest:

Clearly, hell is empty, the demons are all here.

Spotted on Reddit:

I could tell by the way she was pouring gasoline on a pile of my clothes that the relationship had hit some turbulence.

Just shared via X:

A haunted house, but it’s just all apps and websites where you got logged out but can’t remember your password.

Going bananas on Instagram:

I put the dance in “Good riddance!”

Making waves on WeChat:

time heals all wounds.” Wrong! Time is chasing me with a knife.

Making waves on Instagram:

That depressing moment when you start your car to go to work and it doesn’t explode.

Spotted on Facebook:

This year for Thanksgiving, I’ll probably bring what I brought last year… shame upon the family.

Just landed via LinkedIn:

Is there a rehab for introverts who try to extrovert? Asking for a friend.

Just landed via Twitch:

In the 80s, you could literally shrink your kids with a shrink-ray, and your wife wouldn’t divorce you. I’m pretty sure I saw a documentary film about it.

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