Wordgag ツ

10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇮🇷 has copied:

Not sure how to flirt, but I can make things awkward if you’re into that.

Someone from 🇨🇿 has downloaded:

Where do they get the seeds to plant seedless watermelons?

Someone from 🇨🇱 has downloaded:

Everyone you don’t like in your personal and professional life is a narcissist.

Someone from 🇹🇩 has shared:

Good news: I set an all time high today! Bad news: It’s my cholesterol.

Someone from 🇩🇯 has bookmarked:

My favorite part of parenting is being exhausted all the time and losing the will to live.

Someone from 🇰🇼 has bookmarked:

A blind guy felt my face and said, “Wonderful.”

Someone from 🇳🇷 has copied:

The holidays may be over by my work ethic is still out of the office.

Someone from 🇻🇺 has shared:

Can I come over and shed hair everywhere?

Someone from 🇰🇪 has shared:

Bugs have so many legs to make up for their lack of personality.

Someone from 🇻🇳 has shared:

I don’t like being asked “are you at home?” Please expand further so I can know whether I’m at home or not.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

105 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,374

Funny Quotes Topics

17,485

Funny Quotes Images

15,374

Updated

Jan 2, 2026

Users Online

3,274

Social Media Log 💫

Going viral on Twitch:

Being in college when The Chainsmokers dropped Closer was an experience to say the least.

Trending via Slack:

That incredible ability of cats to only throw up on carpeted floors.

Shared recently on LinkedIn:

Go outside and let the rain do what your boyfriend can’t.

Seen just now on Twitch:

The only thing I miss from my past is that flat stomach I had.

Just shared via Twitch:

If I were a bird, you’d be the first person I’d shit on.

Spotted on Snapchat:

I hate when I lose things at work, like pens, papers, sanity and dreams.

Going viral on Facebook:

My first mistake of my life was my birth.

At the grocery store, progressively booing louder as the clerk scans each item.

5 months ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
Booing at grocery prices like I'm the world's unhappiest sports fan! 🛒😂📣

booing, clerk, grocery, grocery store, humor, item, louder, shopping, store

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Mrs. Doubtfire is my favorite movie about violating a custody agreement.

0

2 months ago

agreement, comedy, custody, custody agreement, disguise, doubtfire, family, favorite, favorite movie, film, humor, movie, mrs., Mrs. Doubtfire, parenting, violation
Does anyone know where I can find true love?

0

2 months ago

anyone, dating, humor, i, know, love, question, relationship, romance, true, true love, where
Therapy isn’t enough. I need to run my brain through the dishwasher.

0

2 months ago

brain, dishwasher, health, humor, i, mental, mental health, need, relief, run, stress, stress relief, therapy
Whenever Im in trouble, I think, what would Jesus do? Then I pretend to be dead and disappear for 3 days.

0

2 months ago

days, dead, disappear, humor, i, Jesus, pretend, resurrection, sarcasm, think, trouble, whenever, wit
The worst part of online shopping is having to get up and get your credit card from your purse.

0

2 months ago

card, convenience, credit, credit card, experience, humor, laziness, online, online shopping, purse, shopping, shopping experience, shopping struggle, struggle, worst
One of the best examples of someone posing a question that they already know the answer to is the WeightWatchers website asking me if I accept cookies.

0

2 months ago

accept, answer, asking, best, cooky, diet, humor, i, internet, irony, know, me, question, sarcasm, self-awareness, someone, website, WeightWatchers

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

57 shares on Instagram this month:

Before I had kids I was only vaguely aware that Saturday had a 7am.

97 shares on Twitch this month:

They should invent a food that sounds good for dinner tonight.

66 shares on X this month:

My longest relationship has been with my Hotmail account.

10 shares on WeChat this month:

If at first you don’t succeed, try two more times so your failure is statistically significant.

47 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Kinda messed up that the government knows my birthday but never sends me a gift or anything.

62 shares on YouTube this month:

Set my sex robot to boyfriend mode and now it’s liking other girls’ pictures on Insta.

12 shares on YouTube this month:

Venting to ChatGPT is crazy, y’all turning schizophrenic.

51 shares on TikTok this month:

Biting your tongue while eating is a perfect example of how you can still screw up, even with decades of experience.

58 shares on WhatsApp this month:

I want to sleep but my brain won’t stop talking to itself.

76 shares on Reddit this month:

If i had $5 for every time I said up yours to someone, my butler would be saying it for me.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇲🇹 has copied:

I wonder if that football guy will be at the Taylor Swift game again today.

Someone from 🇦🇪 has viewed:

Pinterest recipe so long that it’s now a limited series on Netflix.

Someone from 🇶🇦 has copied:

I would cry but my makeup is too expensive.

Someone from 🇵🇱 has viewed:

I’m actually not funny. I’m just really mean and people think I’m joking.

Someone from 🇸🇧 has copied:

Texas Chain Saw Massacre is full of plot holes. What happens to the victims when they die? Is there an afterlife?

Someone from 🇰🇬 has shared:

Growing your own tomatoes really is the best way to devote 3 months of your life to saving $2.17.

Someone from 🇫🇷 has shared:

The only person I ever call is my wife, and that’s just when we’re trying to find her phone.

Someone from 🇵🇹 has viewed:

Just broke a clothes hanger and now have seven years of bad outfits.

Someone from 🇵🇬 has viewed:

God, please, for once in my life, let me get what I want.

Someone from 🇲🇳 has copied:

Intro to salsa class was weird, I starved myself all day, there was no chips or dips and then these weirdos were all grabby and dancing around.

Social Media Log 💫

Freshly posted on Messenger:

I don’t really care how you met your partner. Tell me about how you met your nemesis.

Going viral on Snapchat:

I googled my symptoms, and I just need a day with you in the mountains.

Just landed via TikTok:

I ordered mushrooms on my pizza. When do they kick in?

Freshly posted on Messenger:

The only warning I take seriously these days is when my cell phone battery is low.

Just shared via Pinterest:

What would you do if you were in my situation right now? The situation being that I’m drunk.

Making waves on Reddit:

Your honor, my client wasn’t trying to stab the victim. He was checking to see if he was cake.

Just landed via TikTok:

Nothing ruins a Friday like realizing it’s only Wednesday.

Just shared via Discord:

My neighbors were yelling so loud at their kids to clean up their room that out of fear even I started cleaning my room.

Shared recently on WhatsApp:

Whoever said “out of sight, out of mind” never had a spider disappear inside their tent.

Just landed via Discord:

“Full-time” should be 20 hours max, man. This is ridiculous. I’ve got other stuff to do.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

At the grocery store, progressively booing louder as the clerk scans each item.

Related Funny Quotes 🤝

Mrs. Doubtfire is my favorite movie about violating a custody agreement.

Does anyone know where I can find true love?

Therapy isn’t enough. I need to run my brain through the dishwasher.

Whenever Im in trouble, I think, what would Jesus do? Then I pretend to be dead and disappear for 3 days.

The worst part of online shopping is having to get up and get your credit card from your purse.

One of the best examples of someone posing a question that they already know the answer to is the WeightWatchers website asking me if I accept cookies.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨