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10,000+ funny quotes

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Someone from 🇻🇨 has downloaded:

Welcome to Twitter, someone from an unhappy home will attend to you shortly.

Someone from 🇳🇿 has downloaded:

I won’t be accepting any parcels for the neighbors in December this year. Last year it was all junk.

Someone from 🇮🇶 has shared:

Getting stoned when you have a cat is awesome because it will just walk in and I’m immediately cracking up. Like, look at this dude, I bloody love this guy.

Someone from 🇯🇲 has downloaded:

No, it’s totally fine, Grandma. Nobody else needs to use the stairs today.

Someone from 🇹🇿 has viewed:

Sorry for what I said when I was drunk. I meant every word.

Someone from 🇾🇪 has shared:

Think I’ll get high enough to find out if there’s a God. Stay tuned.

Someone from 🇩🇰 has viewed:

Old people be like, “No elbows on the table, it’s rude,” then say something racist.

Someone from 🇱🇹 has shared:

It is easier to pass a camel through the eye of a needle than it is to convince somebody online that they are wrong.

Someone from 🇮🇳 has copied:

The way I forget stuff at my age, I just know it is over for me after 50.

Someone from 🇺🇸 has copied:

Ruining the Olympics for my fiancée by, every time they mention Paris, saying, “that’s where Ratatouille lived”.

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Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Jan 31, 2026

Users Online

3,716

Social Media Log 💫

Trending via Instagram:

It actually is crazy how many people I know would benefit from being visited by three ghosts.

Making waves on TikTok:

That fight could’ve been an email.

Just landed via WhatsApp:

Why would I spend money on the zoo when I can watch my colleagues for free?

Seen just now on Instagram:

Short men store so much anger in their little body.

Making waves on Threads:

It’s hard to believe that this long, crazy election will finally be over in a few months.

Freshly posted on Reddit:

Slim Shady implies the existence of Thicc Sunny.

Just landed via Pinterest:

Sorry about all of the correct stuff I said when I was right.

Cheers erupt as woman cuts into perfectly ripe avocado.

3 days ago

Funny Quotes

Funny text about celebrating a perfect avocado cut with cheerful enthusiasm.

Download image ↓

Commentary:
Looks like the avocado made quite an impression! 🥑👩‍🍳 Let's hope it lives up to the hype and doesn't turn out to be 'avo-cadon't'! 😉🎉

avocado, celebration, cheers, food, humor, kitchen, perfectly, ripe, woman

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30 shares on Telegram this month:

People who are on Twitter and put intelligent in their bio, good one.

84 shares on X this month:

Why does the weekend always feel like it lasts five minutes?

63 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Reoccurring dreams be like: ‘I dunno, here’s a rerun’

65 shares on WeChat this month:

Might quit my job to focus on summer.

84 shares on Snapchat this month:

Just pulled a Werther’s Original out of my pocket, like I’m 87 years old.

100 shares on WeChat this month:

My funeral better have a bloody merch table.

19 shares on X this month:

The name Ella is short for Mozzarella.

55 shares on X this month:

So glad that the dream I had of you isn’t affecting me at all, and I’m able to go on with my day without thinking of it.

36 shares on Discord this month:

Fundamentally, I understand chess, because I too would never let my king feel unsafe.

79 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Diet day #1: All the unhealthy food has been removed from the house. It was delicious.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇩🇲 has viewed:

If we were subway rats, I’d share my pizza crust with you.

Someone from 🇧🇾 has viewed:

I’m living in a parallel universe where I suck at parking.

Someone from 🇯🇴 has bookmarked:

Sharks are orcs, dolphins are elves.

Someone from 🇹🇷 has downloaded:

Don’t think my brain is braining properly today.

Someone from 🇨🇬 has viewed:

Some people can eat anything they want and stay slim. I put on weight just by reading the recipe.

Someone from 🇧🇳 has shared:

I would cry but my makeup is too expensive.

Someone from 🇨🇴 has downloaded:

Sorry, can you repeat what you said? I didn’t have my glasses on.

Someone from 🇬🇦 has bookmarked:

“I asked Grok.” “I asked ChatGPT.” Well, I asked R2D2, and he said you’re a loser.

Someone from 🇲🇦 has downloaded:

Dear Aliens, Now would be a good time. Thanks!

Someone from 🇳🇬 has copied:

Life isn’t funny, why should my posts be?

Social Media Log 💫

Making waves on LinkedIn:

At this point, the only thing that can heal me is memory loss.

Breaking via X:

What an embarrassing time to be alive.

Making waves on Messenger:

I remember when “disinformation” used to be called “lies.”

Going viral on TikTok:

Welcome to your 40s. “I’m too old for this shit” is now your excuse and explanation for everything.

Just landed via Slack:

There is certainly no life on other planets. Otherwise our government would have sent money there long ago.

Seen just now on X:

It’s always “your monthly bill is available,” never “this month is on us.”

Going viral on Instagram:

I am a man, a man with a cold, so I guess this is goodbye.

Spotted on X:

I kind of can’t wait for my generation to be bumping 90’s hip hop, rap, and heavy metal at the old folks’ homes.

Live now on X:

The male urge to tell you what business used to be located there back in his day.

Breaking via LinkedIn:

I’m old enough to remember when regular websites were usable.

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Activity Log ✨

Cheers erupt as woman cuts into perfectly ripe avocado.

Therapy isn’t enough, she needs to know people congratulated me when we broke up.

I don’t know much about women, but they love containers that hold smaller containers.

Maybe the grass is greener over there because you’re not over there messing it up.

Husband and I were blissfully happy for 25 years. Then we met.

Studies show that people with high IQs tend to be lazy, or something like that. I didn’t read the whole article.

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Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Cheers erupt as woman cuts into perfectly ripe avocado.

Keep the laugh going 😂

Therapy isn’t enough, she needs to know people congratulated me when we broke up.

Deleted all dating apps, instead I’m just going to walk into a grocery store and look confused.

I don’t know much about women, but they love containers that hold smaller containers.

Maybe the grass is greener over there because you’re not over there messing it up.

Husband and I were blissfully happy for 25 years. Then we met.

Studies show that people with high IQs tend to be lazy, or something like that. I didn’t read the whole article.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

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