Trending Funny Quotes 👇

  • When the past calls, don’t answer it. It has nothing new to tell you.
  • I’m always happy when I come home from shopping and the note on the table reminds me of what I wanted to buy.
  • The older I get, the more I treat birthdays like one night stands and just pretend they didn’t happen.
  • Remember: if nobody hates you, you’re not trying hard enough.
  • Vegan zombies be like: GRAINS!
  • You know you’re old when you you barely do anything all day, but still need a nap to continue doing barely anything.