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10,000+ funny quotes

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Someone from 🇩🇴 has copied:

Libraries were a good start, but we need more places where people can’t talk.

Someone from 🇸🇲 has copied:

It’s so hot the chipmunks are using my bird bath as a hot tub and requesting mimosas and the brunch menu.

Someone from 🇸🇩 has copied:

If you lift the cat off the couch and it sounds like Velcro, then it didn’t want to leave.

Someone from 🇹🇼 has downloaded:

It’s Mother’s Day Eve so remember to leave out a bottle of wine for Mom when she comes down the chimney.

Someone from 🇳🇮 has copied:

My handwriting makes a pharmacist look like a calligrapher.

Someone from 🇨🇷 has bookmarked:

And to think I survived a global pandemic for this.

Someone from 🇨🇩 has copied:

The only person I ever call is my wife, and that’s just when we’re trying to find her phone.

Someone from 🇮🇶 has copied:

I march to the beat of my own dumb.

Someone from 🇩🇿 has downloaded:

There should be an Amazon driver at the Mall during the holidays so adults can sit on their lap and tell them what they want.

Someone from 🇬🇶 has downloaded:

Your birthday as an adult mainly consists of texting back ‘Thanks!’ to people you haven’t talked to in 5 years.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

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Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Jan 31, 2026

Users Online

3,624

Social Media Log 💫

Going bananas on Facebook:

90% of debugging is just realizing your own stupidity in slow motion.

Spotted on LinkedIn:

I’m going to start walking around in my yard all day in a bathrobe so my neighbors will build that privacy fence I always wanted.

Shared recently on Messenger:

Sex in the snow is wintercourse.

Seen just now on YouTube:

Please stop calling 911 when you see me dancing. I’m fine!

Broadcasted on X:

Normalize arguing with plants who refuse to stay alive.

Going viral on Telegram:

Whoever said, “Laughter is the best medicine,” clearly never tried Revenge.

Freshly posted on Threads:

The way my phone’s facial recognition pretends not to recognize me, you’d think I dated it.

Making waves on Reddit:

The struggle to get off the couch and into bed is real.

Spotted on Discord:

The feminine urge to act clueless while knowing everything.

Trending via Twitch:

Sorry I’m late, there was bubble wrap.

Cheers erupt as woman cuts into perfectly ripe avocado.

3 days ago

Funny Quotes

Funny text about celebrating a perfect avocado cut with cheerful enthusiasm.

Download image ↓

Commentary:
Looks like the avocado made quite an impression! 🥑👩‍🍳 Let's hope it lives up to the hype and doesn't turn out to be 'avo-cadon't'! 😉🎉

avocado, celebration, cheers, food, humor, kitchen, perfectly, ripe, woman

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Social Media Stars ⭐

24 shares on Pinterest this month:

Marriage is scary, what if he doesn’t want our house to look like my Pinterest board.

60 shares on Threads this month:

Play the Grindr notification noise at Christmas dinner to see which conservative relatives panickedly check their phone ringer.

79 shares on Reddit this month:

I got a bumper sticker that says, “Honk if you think I’m pretty.” Sometimes I just sit at green lights until I feel better about myself.

14 shares on YouTube this month:

I thrive in a waiting room. You need me to sit in a chair and look at my phone? No worries, love, I do this at home.

18 shares on X this month:

I didn’t really feel old until my doctor hit me with the “at your age…”

91 shares on X this month:

With certain people, you get nauseous just hearing their name.

61 shares on YouTube this month:

Halloween is cool, but nothing is spookier than my previous choices in men.

100 shares on Messenger this month:

Yawning is the body’s way of telling you it has only 15% battery remaining.

45 shares on Snapchat this month:

Tinder, but for nearby people that have a printer you can use.

19 shares on Twitch this month:

Fun prank: make people study for many years, and then don’t give them jobs.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇧🇷 has viewed:

Sorry, I ghosted you. I liked you too much.

Someone from 🇹🇳 has copied:

Nonchalant men are not for me. I want mine to have a panic attack if we’re not talking.

Someone from 🇲🇽 has bookmarked:

I taught my kids about democracy tonight by having them vote on which movie to watch and pizza to order. I then picked the movie and pizza because I’m the one with the money.

Someone from 🇹🇯 has copied:

“You just want an easy life.” Should I want a difficult one?

Someone from 🇬🇶 has bookmarked:

I will unfriend, uncousin, unco-worker, unfollow, unfamily any draining soul real quick.

Someone from 🇱🇻 has bookmarked:

Telling my boss I wasn’t drunk really backfired. I probably should have waited until he asked.

Someone from 🇭🇳 has viewed:

Nike: Just Do It! Me: I don’t want to.

Someone from 🇪🇬 has shared:

I don’t get how alcohol turns y’all evil. I just start giggling and get slutty.

Someone from 🇰🇭 has shared:

I’ll rewind a movie, get on my phone, and miss the same part.

Someone from 🇲🇱 has bookmarked:

Asking people their favorite color and then calling them liars.

Social Media Log 💫

Going bananas on WhatsApp:

It’s leg day. No, not at the gym, dummy. I’m shaving them.

Spreading quickly via Pinterest:

I’m sorry for inventing the universe.

Seen just now on Facebook:

Good morning, did you have a nice weekend? I ask my many open work tabs.

Just shared via Reddit:

Slim Shady implies the existence of Thicc Sunny.

Live now on Snapchat:

Maybe there’s an alternate universe where onions cry when they chop up humans, you don’t know.

Live now on TikTok:

Best threesome: me, my bed and my pillow.

Shared recently on WeChat:

In these difficult times, it’s important to remember that cheese exists.

Breaking via Snapchat:

In the event of a water landing, place the life jacket over your head and swipe your credit card to inflate.

Breaking via Pinterest:

Why would I spend money on the zoo when I can watch my colleagues for free?

Seen just now on Snapchat:

Is ChatGPT down for anyone else? I’m a cardiac surgeon in the middle of heart surgery.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Cheers erupt as woman cuts into perfectly ripe avocado.

Aliens are coming to Earth, people are going to the Moon, and I am still pushing on a door that says pull.

The most realistic scene in Star Wars was when Darth Vader lost his cool during a staff meeting and used the force to choke a coworker.

Whoever named the meatball absolutely nailed it.

At a certain age, all you really want is a good mattress.

Threatening my husband with tariffs every time he tries to make me watch sports on TV.

Please don’t dm me with the intention of dating me. You deserve less.

Social Media Stars ⭐

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Activity Log ✨

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Cheers erupt as woman cuts into perfectly ripe avocado.

Keep the laugh going 😂

Aliens are coming to Earth, people are going to the Moon, and I am still pushing on a door that says pull.

The most realistic scene in Star Wars was when Darth Vader lost his cool during a staff meeting and used the force to choke a coworker.

Whoever named the meatball absolutely nailed it.

At a certain age, all you really want is a good mattress.

Threatening my husband with tariffs every time he tries to make me watch sports on TV.

Please don’t dm me with the intention of dating me. You deserve less.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨