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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇵🇱 has copied:

You know you’re the father of teen boys when a shoe print on the ceiling no longer fazes you.

Someone from 🇷🇴 has downloaded:

Whoever coined, “No good deed goes unpunished”, must have fed some seagulls.

Someone from 🇹🇿 has downloaded:

“I’m a very sleepy person, just at all the wrong times.”

Someone from 🇬🇾 has downloaded:

You can chill with someone a whole day at the university, and never see them again in your life, lol.

Someone from 🇮🇳 has copied:

People aren’t so bad if you stay indoors and don’t talk to them.

Someone from 🇲🇼 has bookmarked:

“I asked ChatGPT.” “I asked Grok.” I asked God to strike me dead with lightning.

Someone from 🇭🇷 has bookmarked:

Warning: People who need to leave their homes today are advised that it is extremely Monday outside this morning.

Someone from 🇧🇪 has copied:

Sick and tired of these 30 mins weekends.

Someone from 🇬🇦 has downloaded:

Phone so dry, I caught myself checking the weather.

Someone from 🇳🇷 has viewed:

Your Majesty” would be the best name for a cat.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

55 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,324

Funny Quotes Topics

17,443

Funny Quotes Images

15,324

Updated

Jan 2, 2026

Users Online

3,384

Social Media Log 💫

Just landed via Telegram:

I’m ready for a new relationship. My past is buried in the backyard, to fertilize the tomatoes.

Making waves on Reddit:

I don’t trust anyone who gets enraged over messed-up fast food orders.

Freshly posted on LinkedIn:

Sorry, I’m late. I sat on my bed in a towel for 45 minutes, staring at the wall.

Freshly posted on Facebook:

Sorry for being weird. It’s just that everything I talk about reminds me of every other thing I wanna talk about, so I try to talk about everything at the same time and explode.

Trending via WeChat:

What doesn’t kill you, makes you stronger, but also a little grumpy.

Making waves on X:

“I don’t do politics.” Politics will do you, my brother and sister. Politics will do you like mad.

Trending via Facebook:

University is more like teaching yourself for a class you paid for.

Spotted on Twitch:

Current situation: lying in bed, trying to manifest breakfast.

Making waves on Snapchat:

I’ll find a cell mate before I’ll ever find a soulmate.

Going bananas on Instagram:

The new American dream is an alien invasion.

Christmas is a very special time when I give my brother a $100 gift card, and he gives me a $100 gift card.

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Christmas is a very special time when I give my brother a $100 gift card, and he gives me a $100 gift card.
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Commentary:
Ah, the Christmas tradition of exchanging the exact same gift card amount… it's the thought (and math) that counts! 🎅💸🎄

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Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

56 shares on Threads this month:

I actually think my version of the lyrics makes more sense.

82 shares on Messenger this month:

Just waiting for my laundry to be done so I can pop it in the dryer and forget about it again.

24 shares on Reddit this month:

I could never commit gun violence. The only things I know how to reload are my pill caddy and the batteries for the remote.

38 shares on Telegram this month:

You can’t spell disappointment without me.

48 shares on Pinterest this month:

I’m not flirting with you. I’m just funny and you think you like me.

60 shares on Twitch this month:

Don’t let me drive if you’re gonna scream every time we almost die.

90 shares on Reddit this month:

Nothing humbles you faster than your phone slipping out of your hand and hitting your face.

64 shares on Messenger this month:

One or the other, Lord – I can’t be broke and heartbroken.

27 shares on Instagram this month:

Grok just sounds like something that might try to eat me.

17 shares on Snapchat this month:

When a man likes you, he talks to you every day, and apparently, when you start to like him back, he is very busy and can’t talk at all. That’s how it works.

Trending Topics 📁

activity communication day food frustration fun humor i irony joke just know life love me media people procrastination relationship sarcasm social social media someone technology time want work

Hot Jokes 💥

14 folks are currently checking 👀

Therapy isn’t enough, she needs to know people congratulated me when we broke up.

10 folks are currently checking 👀

At the first signs of a sore throat, you should be given the option of just skipping four days into the future.

7 folks are currently checking 👀

You think you’re raising your kids right, and then one of them decides to be a fan of your football team’s arch rival.

9 folks are currently checking 👀

Men be like “I would do anything for you,” and then do nothing.

8 folks are currently checking 👀

Someone tongue kissed me recently in a way I can only describe as 5th base.

25 folks are currently checking 👀

I support Bluesky in theory, but in practice, it’s like a JRPG with no bad guys.

10 folks are currently checking 👀

How dare my boss set up a meeting for the time I sneak off early?

7 folks are currently checking 👀

They hooked up tubes and sensors, but the doctor still can’t figure out why my kisses are so sweet. They want to hold me overnight and “never let go.”

20 folks are currently checking 👀

Never understood when the movie rating says “May contain nudity.” Are there people on the ratings board who aren’t sure if they just saw someone naked?

6 folks are currently checking 👀

Hey there, Delilah, what’s it like in new orc city?

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

55 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,324

Funny Quotes Topics

17,443

Funny Quotes Images

15,324

Updated

Jan 2, 2026

Users Online

3,685

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇪🇹 has downloaded:

If the apple really doesn’t fall far from the tree, my kids are screwed.

Someone from 🇳🇪 has copied:

The only thing faster than an escalator is an escasooner.

Someone from 🇩🇴 has viewed:

I love making the whole conversation so awkward that the most anyone can say after is “so yeah…”

Someone from 🇧🇭 has copied:

I’m uncomfortable around tall people. What if they pick me up and put me on their shoulders?

Someone from 🇺🇬 has copied:

I stopped experimenting in bed after the great honey disaster of 2015.

Someone from 🇲🇼 has shared:

“Thanks for your payment!” Shut up. I paid that bill against my will.

Someone from 🇨🇳 has downloaded:

I was dismayed to hear the story of Rumpelstiltskin. I had no idea he was like that outside of work.

Someone from 🇲🇳 has bookmarked:

I hate dealing with fresh garlic. Each individual clove with their little f***ing paperwork.

Someone from 🇵🇦 has shared:

If insomnia were a sport, I’d have endorsement deals.

Someone from 🇲🇾 has downloaded:

My life coach traded me.

Social Media Log 💫

Freshly posted on WhatsApp:

I only go for nature walks with people I can outrun.

Spotted on X:

Been acting really busy today because I can tell my coworker wants to talk about something in his personal life.

Just shared via WhatsApp:

Every time I get the urge to clean, I watch Hoarders and I decide my house isn’t that dirty after all.

Seen just now on Threads:

If you think about it, Santa really has the best job, he works one day a year and spends the rest of his time judging people.

Spotted on Telegram:

On my way to Mordor. You nerds need anything?

Going viral on Pinterest:

Hate when I get halfway there and have to go back for my teeth.

Just landed via Slack:

Hearing my voice in recording makes me wanna apologize to every person I talked to.

Trending via Slack:

To save money in this economy, I’ve tried eating out and I’ve tried cooking at home. The answer is starvation.

Just shared via Messenger:

My fitness goal is to lose two straight jacket sizes.

Making waves on TikTok:

That place is so crowded; nobody goes there anymore.

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