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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇷🇼 has shared:

When you get angry, take a breath and count to ten. Throw a punch at eight. Nobody expects that.

Someone from 🇱🇰 has downloaded:

Never forget that your fave celebs were trying to sell you cartoon monkey pictures during a pandemic.

Someone from 🇧🇧 has downloaded:

Things will be fine, eventually—in thousands of years—for rocks.

Someone from 🇬🇭 has copied:

Light is faster than sound. That’s why people seem so bright until you hear them talk.

Someone from 🇯🇴 has viewed:

I keep saying, “It is what it is,” but what even is it?

Someone from 🇱🇮 has bookmarked:

People that hate cats will come back as mice in their next life.

Someone from 🇲🇨 has downloaded:

It’s freezing cold outside and my polar bear won’t start.

Someone from 🇧🇯 has viewed:

My therapist says I’m preoccupied with revenge. She’s going to regret that.

Someone from 🇷🇺 has downloaded:

There are rumors that someone came down the chimney last night. This is preposterous. I would have lost my mind.

Someone from 🇪🇨 has bookmarked:

I realized Americans were dramatics the day I found out 200 lb is just 90 kg.

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Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,393

Social Media Log 💫

Spreading quickly via Reddit:

I’d change my name to laundry if it meant you’d think about doing me every day.

Just landed via Facebook:

Good morning to everyone — except me, because I clearly didn’t get enough sleep.

Trending via Slack:

My nickname in high school was “who?”

Seen just now on TikTok:

I don’t know why “you made your bed now lie in it” is a bad thing. It sounds great! I’ll even lie in a bed I didn’t make.

Shared recently on Instagram:

I bet it feels so good for a cat to headbutt someone they adore.

Seen just now on Facebook:

If you have any questions or concerns please don’t. Hesitate to ask.

Seen just now on Messenger:

As long as I can dip something in something, I’m happy.

Seen just now on Discord:

If Britain is going to be invaded, can it at least be by the Romans? We desperately need the roads resurfacing.

Spreading quickly via Discord:

There’s a Marie Antoinette feeling in the air.

Making waves on Facebook:

If at first you don’t succeed, try two more times so your failure is statistically significant.

“Full-time” should be 20 hours max, man. This is ridiculous. I’ve got other stuff to do.

19 hours ago

Funny Quotes

Humorous quote about work hours, highlighting frustration with a playful tone.

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Commentary:
Work less, live more! Can I get a "heck yeah" from my couch? 🛋️😴 #Priorities

20, frustration, full-time, got, hours, humor, man, management, max, ridiculous, should, stuff, time, time management, work, work hours, workload

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Social Media Stars ⭐

39 shares on Instagram this month:

You are allowed to be crazy as long as you are equally as hot.

74 shares on Telegram this month:

Drinking through a straw is the opposite of snorkeling.

58 shares on Slack this month:

Hi, I’m making some changes in my life. If you don’t hear from me, you are one of them.

36 shares on Pinterest this month:

Never make a promise you can’t keep rescheduling.

95 shares on X this month:

Most men don’t actually want to do things; they just want to talk about doing them.

21 shares on Pinterest this month:

Oh, you’re extending your sale? Your Black Friday sale that ended on Tuesday? You’re extending it?

31 shares on Discord this month:

Pro tip: Avoid the news for a couple of days and have some fun.

96 shares on X this month:

My favorite part about talking to my teens is when they give me direct eye contact, listen intently, nod understandingly and then do the exact opposite of what I just said.

87 shares on WhatsApp this month:

The only reason to engage with a neighbor is if either of you is on fire.

18 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Reverse cowgirl because first dates are awkward.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇳🇬 has shared:

Remember when tweets were like: party rocking with a mouse tonight. Piece of cheese gonna have a big bite.

Someone from 🇲🇪 has shared:

A dating app that matches people by the conspiracy theories they are interested in.

Someone from 🇦🇹 has viewed:

Some woman is out there right now, pregnant with Leonardo DiCaprio’s next girlfriend.

Someone from 🇲🇽 has viewed:

Banana boats are powered by bananas. Everyone knows this.

Someone from 🇪🇬 has viewed:

I just want a man to look at me the way Doc from ‘Back to the Future’ looks when something exciting happens.

Someone from 🇦🇱 has viewed:

I read all your bumper stickers and now we’re both stupid.

Someone from 🇱🇰 has downloaded:

People who don’t have Twitter are trying to show you stuff you laughed at a month ago.

Someone from 🇱🇧 has downloaded:

There has been a British voice in my head saying, “Bit sad innit,” for the past few weeks.

Someone from 🇭🇷 has viewed:

Unloading the dishwasher in the opposite direction just to feel something.

Someone from 🇱🇸 has shared:

Death doesn’t scare me, but a group of dogs fighting while I’m walking alone on the street does.

Social Media Log 💫

Just landed via Messenger:

You can put refrigerator magnets on your car, too. There are no rules.

Just landed via X:

There are three certainties in life: death, taxes and getting stuck behind a shit driver when you’re late.

Seen just now on Twitch:

Panda bears are proof that it’s okay to be kind of an idiot as long as you’re super adorable.

Shared recently on Messenger:

Animals are so crazy because, why is your mom only one year older than you?

Just shared via LinkedIn:

No, they’re not “symptoms of depressions.” They’re Blue’s Clues.

Spreading quickly via Twitch:

King-sized beds: Because you both want to sleep on the same mattress, but not in the same zip code.

Making waves on Telegram:

Does my special place in hell have wi-fi?

Just shared via Twitch:

I only go for nature walks with people I can outrun.

Just landed via Pinterest:

I hate when people are outside when I’m trying to parallel park. I need some privacy.

Shared recently on Telegram:

Why are “hemorrhoids” not called “assteroids”?

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Activity Log ✨

“Full-time” should be 20 hours max, man. This is ridiculous. I’ve got other stuff to do.

Toxic girlfriend who goes through her boyfriend’s calculator app and asks why he’s doing the equations he’s doing.

Imagine you and me as cows in Switzerland, enjoying the view and saying “moo” every day.

So proud of my ancestors for crawling out of the sea and evolving lungs. Pretty disappointed in them ever since though.

It turns out, as you get older, you don’t actually figure anything out; you just don’t have any energy to care anymore.

Doctors diagnosed me as your future wife.

I love how these vegans still drink water. That’s a fish’s house!

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Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

“Full-time” should be 20 hours max, man. This is ridiculous. I’ve got other stuff to do.

Keep the laugh going 😂

Toxic girlfriend who goes through her boyfriend’s calculator app and asks why he’s doing the equations he’s doing.

Imagine you and me as cows in Switzerland, enjoying the view and saying “moo” every day.

So proud of my ancestors for crawling out of the sea and evolving lungs. Pretty disappointed in them ever since though.

It turns out, as you get older, you don’t actually figure anything out; you just don’t have any energy to care anymore.

Doctors diagnosed me as your future wife.

I love how these vegans still drink water. That’s a fish’s house!

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨