“Full-time” should be 20 hours max, man. This is ridiculous. I’ve got other stuff to do.

23 shares on Discord this month:

The older I get, the more I understand why Grumpy Old Men exist.

65 shares on Instagram this month:

If I go missing and you put my weight on that poster, I swear I’m not coming back.

14 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Offering people sitting on the bus my standing room. Like it’s better.

32 shares on Telegram this month:

Typos is the Greek god of spelling errors.

54 shares on Discord this month:

I would like to see the USA go metric before I die, just so I can enjoy the outrage that would follow.

92 shares on Telegram this month:

Remember, guys, it costs zero dollars to be annoying to strangers on the internet.

19 shares on Snapchat this month:

When you have the money, you can go a whole day without eating. But when you’re broke, the dizziness starts at 6 a.m.

65 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Cooking your own meals really is the best way to devote 50 hours of your life every month to save $50.

78 shares on YouTube this month:

My birth year getting a lil too far on those lil scroll lists. I don’t like that.

10 shares on Instagram this month:

I don’t know why we traded horses for cars. Your car won’t stop in front of a river and be like, “no way dumbass, we aren’t going to make that.”