Commentary:
"Keeping my words in quarantine 😂🙊"
177 Funny around quotes
Stop eating around the bush or whatever the saying is.
Commentary:
Someone's been chewing on idioms instead of their veggies! 😂🌿🥦
The best part about being single is sleeping around. You can sleep all over that bed of yours – left, right, middle.
Commentary:
"When you're single, you become a professional bed explorer—navigating from the 'Great Left Hills' to the 'Middle Valley' and ending at the 'Right Coast' every night! 😂🛏️🌍"
First date idea: we walk around a graveyard and guess how people died.
Commentary:
"Ah, nothing screams romance like 'till death do us start!' 😂💀🌹"
Weird how I can’t seem to reach anything at the grocery store when hot men are around.
Commentary:
"Why do all the hot guys suddenly become 10-foot tall when I'm trying to reach the top shelf? 🤷♀️🛒✨"
No, thanks—social drama. Puberty sucked enough the first time around.
Commentary:
"Social drama: the sequel nobody asked for! 🍿🙅♂️ #BeenThereDoneThat"
I’m like Pooh Bear. I just want to eat, hang with my homies, and go around pantsless.
Commentary:
"When life gives you honey, embrace your inner Pooh Bear! 🍯🐻 No pants, no problem! 😂🍯"
Got the zoomies at work, and now HR is chasing me around with a butterfly net.
Commentary:
"Guess it's time to update the resume to include 'Professional Office Gymnast' 😂🏃♂️🦋 #ZoomiesUnleashed"
I don’t want to adult anymore. Don’t even want to be human. I want to be a goat. Jump around randomly, eat what I want, and head-butt anyone who annoys me.
Commentary:
"Sign me up for Goat Life! 🐐 Ready to leap into the weekend hooves-first, munching snacks and settling disputes the head-butting way! 😂🙌"
Patience: something you have when there are too many witnesses around.
Commentary:
"When your halo is just as fragile as your alibi 😇👀"