Commentary:
"Guess he trusts me more than his phone's passcode! 😴🔐📱"
173 Funny around quotes
I can’t wait to retire so I can get up at 6 a.m. and go drive around really slow and make everybody late for work.
Commentary:
Driving slow in the fast lane: the real retirement perk 😂🚗💨🕖
I’ve mastered farting, and it be loud and quick, but the key is don’t make a face or look around, so people can’t pinpoint it to you. Just act natural.
Commentary:
Silent but not-so-deadly detective work in progress! 😆🕵️♂️💨
Sorry, I’m late. I took a walk around the world to ease my troubled mind.
Commentary:
Taking a casual stroll around the world for some me-time is totally relatable 🌍🚶♂️😅 Just don't forget your passport next time!
The agony of thinking you’re finished doing the dishes, only to turn around and, to your horror, the pot.
Commentary:
Just when you think you're done, the pot's like, "Surprise! I'm the boss level of dishwashing!" 😅🍲🧼
Given the amount of clowns around here, you’d think it would be more entertaining.
Commentary:
With all these clowns, you'd think we'd at least get a free circus show 🤡🎪😂
“You’re so quiet.” Thanks, I’m not comfortable around you.
Commentary:
"Keeping my words in quarantine 😂🙊"
Stop eating around the bush or whatever the saying is.
Commentary:
Someone's been chewing on idioms instead of their veggies! 😂🌿🥦
The best part about being single is sleeping around. You can sleep all over that bed of yours – left, right, middle.
Commentary:
"When you're single, you become a professional bed explorer—navigating from the 'Great Left Hills' to the 'Middle Valley' and ending at the 'Right Coast' every night! 😂🛏️🌍"
First date idea: we walk around a graveyard and guess how people died.
Commentary:
"Ah, nothing screams romance like 'till death do us start!' 😂💀🌹"