94 funny believe quotes - Page 2 - Wordgag

I believe in annoyed at first sight.

May 25, 2026

I can’t believe I’m supposed to obey ALL the traffic laws ALL the time.

May 25, 2026

Parents be like “don’t believe everything you see on the internet” then believe everything they see on Facebook.

May 25, 2026

I can’t believe I used to think I was stressed in high school.

May 25, 2026

I find it extremely hard to believe that you’re rolling on the floor laughing.

May 25, 2026

People always ask me “Do you believe in God?” and I say of course it’s important to have self-belief.

May 25, 2026

What if your dog one day just randomly said “Nobody is going to believe you” and never spoke again.

May 25, 2026

With all the fake information out there, I refuse to believe scales or mirrors.

May 25, 2026

When two people argue online I believe whoever spells correctly.

May 25, 2026

I believe it was Aristotle who once said “The fastest way to get your kids to stop screaming is to also start screaming.”

May 25, 2026

I can’t believe I slept good all night. What a rush.

May 24, 2026

Can’t believe I didn’t get invited to that party I would have made up an excuse not to go to.

May 24, 2026

It’s hard to believe that this long, crazy election will finally be over in a few months.

May 23, 2026

I forgot to turn my clocks back and, oh my God, you guys are not going to believe the stuff that happens in the next hour.

May 23, 2026

According to a study, people believe anything that starts with ‘according to a study’.

May 23, 2026

I still can’t believe Aldi sells shopping carts for 25 cents. I’ve got 8 of them now and don’t really even have a use for them, it was just too good of a deal to pass up.

May 23, 2026

I can’t believe the gall of this bladder.

May 23, 2026

I’ve finally found a book that speaks to me. I believe it’s called an “audiobook”.

May 23, 2026

My wife is refusing to bring me a beer. That’s it, gonna text her and say “I cannot believe how lazy you are”.

May 23, 2026

My childhood led me to believe that as an adult I’d have to contend with truth serum, lava, quicksand, trap doors, and secret passageways. So far it’s mostly been weight gain and existential dread.

May 23, 2026

I find it hard to believe I used to just answer my phone when it rang. No caller ID. No idea who was calling. Just picked it up and said “hello” like a goddam daredevil.

May 23, 2026

I believe in you. I also believe in Bigfoot so don’t get too excited.

May 23, 2026

Found a picture of me sitting on Santa’s lap. Hard to believe it’s been a whole year.

May 23, 2026

Films and television have led me to believe that masquerade balls have a higher mortality rate than most wars.

May 23, 2026

I can’t believe someone ran over my neighbors loud motorcycle tomorrow morning.

May 23, 2026

I don’t believe in lying to children, unless it’s about where the good snacks are hidden. Then it’s fine.

May 22, 2026

People believe that they have brains but maybe that’s just inside their heads.

May 22, 2026

Valentine’s Day is a stupid and made up holiday unless someone wants to give me a present in which case I really believe in celebrating it.

May 22, 2026

Having to write cover letters is so dumb. Do you really believe my dream ever since I was a little girl was to work for you? No. It was to ride a pony on a funky space rainbow. Grow up.

May 22, 2026

My dog just looked me in the eye and said “no one is gonna believe you”, then took a nap.

May 22, 2026

Still can’t believe America has a federal holiday to celebrate the hit movie Independence Day.

May 22, 2026

You’re not going to believe this, but I was doing really well, and then your email found me.

May 21, 2026

Many people mistakenly believe that diamond is the hardest substance on earth, but in reality it is my husband’s stubborn head.

May 21, 2026May 21, 2026

Dear deodorant manufacturers, please stop writing “72h” on your products. There are people who believe that. And they sit next to me on the bus. Always. All of them!

May 21, 2026

Everytime I spend $20 I think this is fine because I won’t do it again. And then would you believe.

May 21, 2026

I can’t believe Halloween was 10 pounds ago.

May 21, 2026

Aliens only abduct the people that are already nuts so no one will believe them when they try and tell everyone.

May 21, 2026

You’re an atheist? Well, I don’t believe you. See how you like it.

May 21, 2026

January-me would not believe the life I lived this year.

May 21, 2026

There’s a great new book on minimalism but I only read the blurb because I believe that’s what the author would want.

May 21, 2026