158 funny cat quotes - Page 4 - Wordgag

If the earth is so flat, explain why cats haven’t pushed everything off it yet. You can’t.

Mar 25, 2026

So. Fed the laundry and washed the cat. Showered the garbage and disposed of myself. Was there anything else?

Mar 25, 2026

How dare you say I’m crazy on the eve of my cat’s wedding?

Mar 25, 2026

Whenever I get up my cat gets up too and then yells at me like it’s my fault she decided we have to do this together.

Mar 25, 2026

That incredible ability of cats to only throw up on carpeted floors.

Mar 25, 2026

To get my cat to eat, I tell him about all the hungry cats in Catfrica.

Mar 25, 2026

When I am calculating any risk, I think to myself: is this first cat life behavior? Or ninth cat life behavior?

Mar 25, 2026

I let my cat smell every wine I drink so she can get a job as a sommelier and help pay my rent.

Mar 25, 2026

I used to think the cat was dumb for staring out the window, waiting for birds, but I’d probably stare too, if occasionally a pizza flew by.

Mar 25, 2026

Introducing two cats is tedium. Not interested in your dumb politics just lick each other and be normal already.

Mar 25, 2026

I love reaching into my messy bag looking for something and everyone around me hears like glass breaking and bombs going off and a cat meowing from inside there.

Mar 25, 2026

Tom and Jerry fooled me into thinking dogs bullied cats when it’s the opposite in reality.

Mar 25, 2026

If you lift the cat off the couch and it sounds like Velcro, then it didn’t want to leave.

Mar 25, 2026

If I was lying down and someone came up and gave me tons of kisses and smooshed my face, I’d love it. I don’t know what my cat’s problem is.

Mar 25, 2026

I see WWIII is about to kick off again. I’d best cancel the milk and get the cat in.

Mar 24, 2026

Who called them cat allergies and not meowlergies?

Mar 24, 2026

Cats must think we’re so weird for constantly harvesting their poop.

Mar 24, 2026

“You shouldn’t let your cat jump on the counter”, my cat could take out a loan in my name if he wanted to.

Mar 24, 2026

I’m lazy and chubby. I love food, naps, and coffee. I don’t like Mondays, people, and exercise. I never thought I would grow up to be Garfield.

Mar 24, 2026

God, on inventing the tiger: “Okay, so this is going to be some kind of cat that likes to eat Frosted Flakes.”

Mar 24, 2026

My only knowledge of animals is that turtles like pizza and cats like lasagna.

Mar 24, 2026

When my cat gets in trouble I call him by his full name, Catthew.

Mar 24, 2026

I wish we were cats so you could just randomly slap co-workers for no reason.

Mar 24, 2026

My cats won’t talk to me because I came home late from work.

Mar 24, 2026

Monsters can’t hide under my bed. That’s where my cats have their fight club.

Mar 24, 2026

I’m just a girl standing in front of a cat who followed me to the bathroom.

Mar 24, 2026

I shouldn’t have to go to work if it’s rainy. I should get to stare out the window all day like a cat.

Mar 24, 2026

My husband thinks he can just order me around like he’s one of the cats.

Mar 24, 2026

I yelled at my cat and the other cats yelled at me. Like wow, okay, pay my mortgage then.

Mar 24, 2026

Japanese cats answering the phone be like, “Meowshi meowshi.”

Mar 23, 2026

Me, first week as a volunteer firefighter thinking we only rescue cats: We’re going where?

Mar 23, 2026

When there’s food around, our cat is like an adorable, fluffy shark circling round.

Mar 23, 2026

Most of my exercise comes from getting up to let the cat in and out.

Mar 23, 2026

Thousands of years ago, cats were worshipped as gods. Cats have never forgotten this.

Mar 23, 2026

I wish I was a cat, because the fatter you are, the more people like you.

Mar 23, 2026

I can be social. Today I meowed at my cat and he meowed back.

Mar 23, 2026

Why do we say ‘slept like a baby’? Babies wake up every two hours crying. I want to sleep like my cat—14 hours, no responsibilities, zero regrets.

Mar 23, 2026

I love my cat so much, but how the hell are you that small and take up an entire queen-size mattress?

Mar 23, 2026