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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇧🇦 has viewed:

Any fool can criticize, condemn and complain, and most do.

Someone from 🇧🇿 has shared:

Life would be so much easier if you could push a button that makes dickheads fall through a trap door in the floor.

Someone from 🇯🇵 has downloaded:

I’m a person who wants to do a lot of things trapped in the body of a person who wants to sleep a lot.

Someone from 🇬🇷 has copied:

It’s only a family vacation if you think “We’re never doing this again” at least once.

Someone from 🇱🇰 has bookmarked:

I’m not a perfectionist. I’m more of a good-enoughist.

Someone from 🇲🇾 has downloaded:

I need to start hiding my money from myself.

Someone from 🇬🇪 has bookmarked:

Relationship status: my last pickpocket had really gentle hands.

Someone from 🇸🇲 has shared:

It’s a good thing that not everyone has a smartphone. We also need people who honk when the lights turn green.

Someone from 🇬🇳 has bookmarked:

Washing my hands in the sink and then wiping them on my cat, like a towel.

Someone from 🇲🇲 has copied:

True bravery is getting a text from a woman with three questions in it, and only responding to one.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

773 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

10,935

Funny Quotes Topics

13,908

Funny Quotes Images

10,935

Updated

32 minutes ago

Users Online

3,431

Social Media Log 💫

Live now on Threads:

Of course there’s birth control for men. It’s called the way they act.

Spreading quickly via Messenger:

Candy companies will look you straight in the eye and lie about how they know what a banana tastes like.

Spotted on Facebook:

I was abducted by aliens. They made me wash my hands, clean my room, and eat my vegetables. Turns out I was on the mothership.

Going viral on Telegram:

I just read a thing that said I should compliment myself on my decisions, regardless of the outcome. No thanks, I’m not the government.

Just landed via LinkedIn:

My boss told me to start every presentation with a joke. The first slide was my paycheck.

Freshly posted on Snapchat:

Imagine the carnage at an IKEA team building event.

Freshly posted on Threads:

They should invent a type of situation that improves.

Freshly posted on Discord:

They should release the Epstein list right before the Oscars.

Shared recently on Messenger:

Writers should get a direct line to the FBI so we can call them and give them a heads up when we’re googling ways to poison someone but just for a story.

Making waves on X:

Laptops become possessed with slowness when they see that you are in a hurry.

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Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

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Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

773 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

10,935

Funny Quotes Topics

13,908

Funny Quotes Images

10,935

Updated

32 minutes ago

Users Online

3,433

Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

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Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇳🇪 has downloaded:

“There are lots of benefits to working here. We have fun social events and activities after work!” And what are the benefits?

Someone from 🇩🇰 has shared:

Driving between speed cameras is called intermittent fasting.

Someone from 🇳🇱 has viewed:

I love saying “why would I lie” when I’m lying.

Someone from 🇪🇸 has copied:

There are more bots on here than in Star Wars.

Someone from 🇦🇬 has bookmarked:

The way men eat when they’re single is nothing short of dehumanizing.

Someone from 🇵🇹 has viewed:

Ending my thesis paper with “but who cares what I think?”

Someone from 🇸🇿 has copied:

When you have the money, you can go a whole day without eating. But when you’re broke, the dizziness starts at 6 a.m.

Someone from 🇭🇷 has shared:

You look like something I drew with my left hand.

Someone from 🇱🇸 has copied:

Don’t argue with her. Just say “you remind me of my ex” then walk away.

Someone from 🇶🇦 has downloaded:

A driver that delivers Indian food is called a curryer.

Social Media Log 💫

Going viral on LinkedIn:

British people be like “It’s Chewsday, innit?”

Seen just now on Reddit:

Thank you two-step authentication codes that expire after 60 seconds for providing Mission Impossible-type drama into my mundane suburban existence.

Shared recently on Discord:

You truly don’t realize how young 20 is until you’re not 20 anymore.

Just shared via Pinterest:

How would someone cancel an appointment at a sperm bank? Do you just call them and say you can’t come?

Freshly posted on Threads:

Dear unsuccessful applicant, we ultimately decided to split the role between existing staff without paying any of them extra.

Reported on Messenger:

How did they get kids to pose for oil paintings? Mine won’t sit still for 4 seconds for a family photo.

Seen just now on Discord:

When someone yells stop I don’t know whether it’s in the name of love, it’s Hammer time, or I should smell the flowers.

Going viral on Telegram:

Got banned from the sauna at my gym for saying “steam me up, Scotty” a few too many times.

Just shared via Facebook:

I hate when my kids ask me impossible questions like: What day is it?

Seen just now on TikTok:

I will charge a 25% tariff on my steely gaze.

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