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116 Funny diet quotes

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4 months ago
Share →: I love how these vegans still drink water. That’s a fish’s house!

Commentary:
Well, it seems like even vegans can't resist crashing a fish's house party when it comes to water! I guess H2O is just too tempting to pass up, even if it means intruding on the aquatic community's humble abode. Just remember, fish – vegans are coming for a sip, so make sure to hide your seaweed snacks!
4 months ago
Share →: I’m on that new diet where you eat anything you want and you pray for a miracle.

Commentary:
"Ah, the classic 'eat now, pray later' diet strategy. It's like a culinary Hail Mary pass – you never know when the miracle will happen, but you're definitely hoping for a touchdown in the form of a metabolism boost!"
4 months ago
Share →: Wanted to update everybody on my diet. I’ve decided it’s okay to be fat.

Commentary:
"Breaking news: my diet plan has been upgraded from 'salad every meal' to 'embracing my inner marshmallow' 🤣🍔 Who needs abs when you can have fab? 💁‍♂️ #BodyPositivity"
5 months ago
Share →: My nutritionist told me wine doesn’t count as a fruit source so now I need to find a different nutritionist.

Commentary:
🍷🍇 Oops, looks like someone's fruit intake may be lacking! Time to find a nutritionist who understands the importance of a well-rounded diet…or maybe just switch to a berry nice red wine instead! 😉🍓 #WineLover #HealthyEatingGoals
5 months ago
Share →: Being on a diet isn’t so bad if you don’t follow it.

Commentary:
"Whoever said 'being on a diet isn't so bad if you don't follow it' clearly knows the secret to a guilt-free snack attack 🍪🥗 Pro tip: Just call it 'diet-adjacent' and you're good to go! 😄 #DietingDilemmas"
5 months ago
Share →: I like how “energy bars” are really just candy bars, and we all pretend to not notice.

Commentary:
"Who are we kidding? Those ‘energy bars’ are practically just candy in disguise! 🍫💪 Time to face the sweet reality and embrace the sugar rush in the name of ‘health’. 😂 #CandyBarConfessions"
5 months ago
Share →: Celery is 95% water and 100% not pizza.

Commentary:
"Who needs pizza when you've got celery, the ultimate hydration hero 🌱💦 But let's be real, it's no competition when it comes to cheat day cravings! 🍕🤤 #PizzaForLife"
5 months ago
Share →: During winter, it’s either lazy starvation or eight thousand calories in one sitting.

Commentary:
"Winter: the season of extremes! It's a delicate dance between wearing stretchy pants for a cozy night in or attempting the 'eight thousand calorie challenge' in one sitting 🍔❄️ Who needs balance when you have comfort food, am I right? 🤷‍♂️🍕"
5 months ago
Share →: Of course I intermittently fast. That’s when I sleep.

Commentary:
"Ah, the most cherished form of intermittent fasting – sleep! 💤 Who knew we were all unintentional experts in fasting? 😂 #IntermittentSleepFasting"
5 months ago
Share →: I have no beef with vegetarians.

Commentary:
Well, that's a "grain" attitude to have towards vegetarians! 🌽🥦 No need to "meat" anyone halfway when it comes to dietary preferences! After all, it's all just a matter of "beet" and let "chickpeas" be friends! 🥕😄