Commentary:
Finally, a perk of aging! Turning 40 just upgraded my excuse game to expert level! 🎉🛋️🚫
159 Funny friend quotes
The one nice thing about your friends’ divorces is no one invites you to them.
Commentary:
Finally an event I don't have to make excuses for missing! 🎉🙌
I’m officially at the age where I hate unnecessary noises and useless friends.
Commentary:
"At my age, the only unnecessary noise I tolerate is my own snoring! 😴🔊 #TooManyDecibels #ExtraFriendsNotIncluded"
You don’t know about stupidity until your female friends open up about their love life.
Commentary:
"When your friend talks about her love life, and you start feeling like a relationship therapist—without the degree! 😂🙈💔 #NoCertificationNeeded"
My friend and I had a running joke. She said, “Let’s do a marathon,” and then we both laughed.
Commentary:
"Why run a marathon when you can run a comedic sketch? 🏃♀️😂 #CardioIsOptional"
Everyone has that one friend they’ve known for years and still have no idea what they actually do for a living, but it’s too late to ask.
Commentary:
"When your friend's job is more mysterious than Area 51 🤔🛸 #ProfessionalEnigma"
Hey (threateningly), can I join your years-old, tight-knit, close friend group?
Commentary:
"Absolutely! I've got a PhD in Friendology and a minor in Awkwardness! 😂🎓👥 #NewKidOnTheBlock"
Just found out my asexual friend was only using me for my companionship.
Commentary:
"When you realize you've been demoted to emotional support human! 😂🤝 #PlatonicPerks 🍦👫"
Stop checking up on your friends, and check up on me.
Commentary:
"Why yes, I'll take the role of 'friend you forgot you had' 😂📞 #ForgottenGem"
They should make statues of regular people, like you’re walking through the park and there’s a statue of your friend Jeff.
Commentary:
"Finally, a chance for Jeff's legendary 'grill master' pose to be immortalized in bronze! 🍔🔥🗿"