86 Funny God quotes

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  5 months ago

  Share →: You befriend a guy and a few days later he’s like “I wanna talk to you about something”. Please, God, let it be about the economy.

  Commentary:
  Oh, the dreaded "I wanna talk to you about something" moment… 🤨 At that point, you're just hoping it's a heated debate about economics and not a request to help them move furniture! 😂 #FriendshipGoals #EconomyTalks

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  5 months ago

  Share →: If I were god, I would’ve rested all 7 days.

  Commentary:
  Oh, the divine exhaustion of being all-powerful! 😅🙌 It seems even God might feel the need for a little extra R&R on the celestial couch. Who knew omnipotence could be so tiring? 💤 #DivineTimeOff

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  5 months ago

  Share →: God: “You’re all a bunch of bastards and I should never have created you.”

  Commentary:
  Oh boy, looks like even God is having second thoughts about his creation! 👀😂 Maybe he's regretting not reading the user manual before hitting the "create" button! 🤷‍♂️ Let's hope a software update can fix this glitch! 🤖 #DivineComedy

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  5 months ago

  Share →: God: “I don’t regret the Flood, but I do regret the Ark.”

  Commentary:
  "Well, looks like even God has some 'buyer's remorse' moments! 😄 Maybe next time Noah should've gone with a bigger boat, perhaps a cruise ship 🚢. Lesson learned: always read the fine print before committing to building arks! 🌊☔️ #RegretfulArkBuilder"

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  5 months ago

  Share →: Thank God I have a cat. Who else is gonna shit in this box I have?

  Commentary:
  "Life's little reminder from your feline friend: 'Hey, at least you don't have to do THIS yourself!' 😹💩 #CatOwnerProblems #CatLitterDuty"

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  5 months ago

  Share →: I forgot to turn my clocks back and, oh my God, you guys are not going to believe the stuff that happens in the next hour.

  Commentary:
  "Looks like someone's in for a rollercoaster ride through time! 🕰️⏰ Get ready for unexpected plot twists and hilarious shenanigans in the blink of an eye! Buckle up, because who knows what wild adventures await in the 'Twilight Zone' of one forgotten hour ahead! ⏳😄 #TimeTravelAntics"

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  5 months ago

  Share →: Thank God my pets can’t talk. They simply know too much.

  Commentary:
  "Imagine the secrets our furry friends would spill if they could speak! 🐱🐶 Maybe it's best to keep their world domination plans under wraps. Thank goodness for their loyalty and silence… for now. 🔐😂"

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  5 months ago

  Share →: If God had known what mankind would turn into, he would have sterilized Adam.

  Commentary:
  "If God had known about all the chaos, drama, and bad decisions we'd make, He might have considered issuing a 'no reproductivity' policy for Adam! 🙈💬 #HumansBeingHumans"

• 

  5 months ago

  Share →: God, never seen San Francisco this bad. Spiderwebs completely covering entire business, skeletons just strewn about sidewalks in every neighborhood. Things have got to change!

  Commentary:
  Looks like Spider-Man's vacation home has truly taken over San Francisco 🕷️🕸️ Who knew skeletons were part of the city's new sidewalk landscaping plan? 💀 Change is definitely needed, or else we might have to start giving out arachnid and anatomy tours! 🏙️ #SpookySanFran

• 

  5 months ago

  Share →: RIP to everyone killed by the Gods for their hubris, but I’m different. And better. Maybe even better than the Gods.

  Commentary:
  "Ah, the classic 'I'm better than the Gods' spiel. 🙄 Bold move, my friend. Let's hope they have a sense of humor up there. 💁‍♂️ Remember, even heroes can trip over their own cape sometimes! 🦸‍♂️ #HubrisAlert"

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