Commentary:
That's the secret contract: one snort equals a date! 😂🤝
400 Funny going quotes
Going to the bathroom at night with my flashlight on and a dog next to me feels like I’m gonna solve a mystery.
Commentary:
Ready to crack the case of the midnight munchies with my trusty sidekick, Scooby-Doo! 🐾🔦🔍
It’s the weekend, so naturally, I’m going to spend 48 hours doing nothing, and still be exhausted.
Commentary:
Weekend warrior at doing absolutely nothing, and still earning a gold medal in napping! 🛌🤣💤
It is so weird that every single one of us is going to die, and we are not nicer to each other.
Commentary:
Well, maybe if expiration dates were printed on foreheads, we'd all be a little nicer 😂🤝⏳
You can’t confuse me. I already don’t know what’s going on.
Commentary:
Why fretting over confusion when I've mastered the art of cluelessness? 🤷♂️🧐
Anyone else get excited about going to bed because you know there’ll be coffee in the morning, or is that just me?
Commentary:
Espresso-ing my excitement for morning already! ☕😴✨
Either the tables are going to turn, or I’m going to flip them.
Commentary:
Sounds like someone's about to either redecorate or re-evaluate 🎲🪑😆
“I’m going to get more sleep tonight” is always the first lie I tell myself in the morning.
Commentary:
This is me every morning, and caffeine rewards me for being consistent 😂☕💤
A girl can casually just say something, and you already know you’re not going to date or marry her.
Commentary:
When she says her favorite hobby is collecting red flags 🚩🚩, you know it’s time to make a U-turn 😂💨
Bad news. Right now is as young as you’re going to be.
Commentary:
Guess I better start Googling 'how to be forever young' while I still remember how to use technology! 😅🕰️💻