143 funny guy quotes - Page 3 - Wordgag

“Autism didn’t exist until recently!” Have you met old guys who work in hardware stores?

May 25, 2026

Who is this Rorschach guy and where did he get all the pictures of my parents fighting?

May 25, 2026

Peloton guy yelling “two more, one more” but it’s me eating Cheetos.

May 25, 2026

I once let a really short guy be the big spoon and it felt like I went to bed with a backpack on.

May 25, 2026

A guy in the parking lot saw me trip over my own feet so I yelled to him “I just quantum leaped into this body!”

May 25, 2026

First responders? You mean reply guys?

May 25, 2026

Coworkers are funny. You could see a guy every day for 5 years then he quits and you never see or even think about him again.

May 24, 2026

To the guy who invented zero, thanks for nothing.

May 24, 2026

Okay, this is getting ridiculous. It can’t just be the one guy. It’s gotta be a group of people pooping my son’s diaper.

May 24, 2026

If your name is “Guy”, you have lazy parents.

May 24, 2026

If you want to know who the bad guys are, it is the side who wants you arrested for memes and jokes.

May 24, 2026

Saw a guy reading a book and writing notes in it. Not enough words in there for ya, bud?

May 24, 2026

I wonder if that football guy will be at the Taylor Swift game again today.

May 24, 2026

“Are you seeing someone?” Like a hallucination, therapist, or a guy?

May 24, 2026

Whoever was the first to shorten “Richard” down to “Dick” must have really hated that guy.

May 24, 2026

I’m forming a Wham! cover band with 3 other bald guys called Hairless Whisper.

May 24, 2026

You befriend a guy and a few days later he’s like “I wanna talk to you about something”. Please, God, let it be about the economy.

May 24, 2026

At the grocery store, but forgot my wife’s list so I guess I’ll just follow this other guy around and get what he gets.

May 23, 2026

When waiting for a flight, there’s always one guy at the gate that makes you think, “As long as I’m not sitting next to him, I’ll be fine.”

May 23, 2026

All the leaves are brown. And this guy is Greg.

May 23, 2026

The guy in the stall beside doesn’t know he can shut off his camera shutter.

May 23, 2026

I offered my nephew a donut and he said “no thanks, I’m not hungry right now” and I don’t think this little guy knows how donuts work.

May 23, 2026

My favorite part of The Godfather is when the guy wakes up and screams because the Mafia has stolen the bottom half of the horse he keeps in his bed.

May 23, 2026

Pointing at a mothers shrieking baby Is this guy bothering you?

May 23, 2026

The inventor of archery: Man, I really wanna stab that guy over there.

May 22, 2026

You ever go to a baseball game and hear a guy yelling, “hot dogs! hot dogs!” over and over again? That’s me, looking for hot dogs.

May 22, 2026

I once broke up with a guy because he ate half my french fries, and when I get really lonely, I still think about those french fries.

May 22, 2026

You’d think someone in the room would’ve spoken up like “hey guys, maybe it’s a bad idea to make one ring to rule them all”.

May 22, 2026

How do I even know this guy is my “boss”? I’ve just been taking his word for it.

May 22, 2026

Sometimes, when I need a really good night’s sleep, I call my burrito guy to come over and tuck me in.

May 22, 2026

How coked up was the guy that came up with Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles?

May 22, 2026

Even though he murders a lot of people, you can tell Freddie Kruger is a fun loving guy cause he goes by Freddie and not Fred or Frederick.

May 22, 2026

Hey, we’re calling off the search party. We found a different guy out there we like more.

May 22, 2026

I can easily spot a wolf in sheep’s clothing but this guy was dressed like my grandmother which threw me off.

May 22, 2026

Having to choose between an old guy or a convicted felon is a perfect depiction of what dating apps are Iike.

May 22, 2026

Guy who normally applauds when the plane lands right before the pilot crashes it: “Boo!”

May 22, 2026

It’s always annoying to be woken up by some guy mowing his lawn. Just go around me, man.

May 22, 2026

Massage therapist asked how I felt about chiropractics and I told her the guy who invented it says he learned it from a ghost, and that shut the conversation down pretty quick.

May 21, 2026

The guy that said laughter is the best medicine obviously wasn’t suffering from diarrhea.

May 21, 2026

I’m not sure what everyone at my coworking space does for work, but I’m pretty sure one guy’s job is chewing.

May 21, 2026