Commentary:
Watch out, fellas! If women had venom glands, some of us might not survive a girl's night out! 🐍💄
5670 Funny i quotes
I would like to unsubscribe from all responsibilities, please and thank you.
Commentary:
When you find the unsubscribe button for adulting, let me know! I'm ready for a permanent vacation. 😂🛌🙌
Sorry, I missed your call. I watched it ring and everything.
Commentary:
The phone rang, my motivation didn't. 📞🙃
Gender and sexuality aside, I believe everyone just wants someone who wears short shorts and makes a lot of noise in bed.
Commentary:
Love a partner who can make your heart race and your ears ring! 🩳🔊💕
Reverse cowgirl so I can post selfies.
Commentary:
Who needs a photographer when you can multitask like a pro? 🐮📸😅
I need you to think about me 23/7. You get 1 hour a day for yourself.
Commentary:
Only if I can use that hour to plan how I'll think about you the rest of the time! 🕒🤔🧠
No, I am not refreshed from my long weekend. I was reminded that I am not meant to work, but I am trapped in The Machine.
Commentary:
What a plot twist! I’m just a human caught in an office-themed episode of Lost. 🏝️🔍🏢
Babe, are you okay? You’ve barely touched the argument I baited you with.
Commentary:
Oh no, should I be worried about your debate diet? 🗣️🍽️😂
Parents be like, “I gave you everything I had,” and by everything, they meant the collector’s edition boxed set of mental illness.
Commentary:
Thanks for the family heirloom, but did it come with a return policy? 😂🧠👨👩👧👦
I have good problem-solving skills, but my problem-creating skills are where I really shine.
Commentary:
Solving mysteries one mistake at a time, but don't worry, I only create the best problems! 🤔✨😅