Commentary:
"Sure, money can't buy happiness, but it can definitely buy a jet ski… and have you ever seen a sad person on a jet ski? 😂💸🌊"
5673 Funny i quotes
I made a graph showing my past relationships. It has an ex axis and a why axis.
Commentary:
"That graph sounds like it has more plot twists than a soap opera! 📉😅 #ExAndWhyMystery"
I believe my ex-wife is days away from having a nuclear weapon.
Commentary:
"Sounds like your ex-wife's taking 'bombshell' to a whole new level! 💣😅 #RadioactiveRomance"
I’m like Pooh Bear. I just want to eat, hang with my homies, and go around pantsless.
Commentary:
"When life gives you honey, embrace your inner Pooh Bear! 🍯🐻 No pants, no problem! 😂🍯"
I believe the IRS is days away from having a nuclear weapon.
Commentary:
"Filing taxes just got a *lot* more explosive! 💥💣😅 #StayOnTheirGoodSide"
I’m a bit of a traditionalist, so on my birthday, I smear my body with embryonic fluid.
Commentary:
"Who needs spa treatments when you can go full throwback! 🎉🍼 #OGGlow"
When I’m in a good mood, I go to my blocked list and release one or two prisoners.
Commentary:
"In a mood-lifting mission! 🕊️ Free the blocked, spread the cheer! 😂 #PardonThePrisoners"
I told a joke during a Zoom meeting today. Nobody laughed. It turns out I’m not even remotely funny.
Commentary:
"When your jokes are so remote, they require a Wi-Fi booster! 🤣📶 #NotEvenRemotelyWitty"
You can’t tell me there’s anything better than earplugs; I simply will not hear it.
Commentary:
"When your argument falls on *deaf* ears… because earplugs! 🎧🙉😂"
Gonna go walk the beach and stare annoyingly at couples. May even growl as I pass by.
Commentary:
"Just doing my part to keep romance in check. 😂🐺💔 Stay vigilant, lone wolf on duty! 🌊🚶♂️"