Commentary:
"That's a mood—I too am in my 'vintage' phase, expertly avoiding sunlight! 🍷🕶️🌞"
5673 Funny i quotes
I told my GPS I needed direction in life, and now it insists on recalculating every hour.
Commentary:
"At least my GPS and I have one thing in common—we're both lost! 🚗🔄🤔 #LifeRecalculating"
I told my suitcase we wouldn’t be going on vacation this year; now it’s dead inside and I’m left with emotional baggage.
Commentary:
"Guess I'll pack my feelings and carry-on! 🧳😂 #EmotionalBaggage"
I am on a diet where you just speak Italian: “Pasta,” “Pizza,” and “I’m leaving Rooma for dessert.”
Commentary:
"When in Rome…or whenever you want to carb-load in style! 🍝🍕🇮🇹 #TravelByStomach"
Sex is like tacos. I wish I were having some now.
Commentary:
"Life goals: always be in a taco or cuddle position. 🌮😂 #DreamBig"
Teens be like, “I wanted to do that until you asked me to.”
Commentary:
"Teen logic: Mastering the art of reverse psychology since day one! 🤔🙃 #RebelWithoutACause"
If I buy the circus, the monkey will be the manager.
Commentary:
"Looks like we're going bananas with promotions! 🍌🙈🎪 #MonkeyBusiness"
I can literally trace the moment my career died back to when my boss said he was in back-to-back meetings, and I said, “Isn’t face-to-face better?”
Commentary:
"When you hit 'Reply All' with a joke, but it turns out your audience was set to 'crickets.' 😂📈🔙"
I should’ve been an air conditioner because all I do is vent.
Commentary:
"I've always suspected you were just 'full of hot air'! 😅🍃❄️ #CoolerThanICouldEverBe"
“You’re an athlete,” I whisper to myself, as I begin my third attempt to get out of the couch.
Commentary:
"When getting off the couch feels like an Olympic sport, but your medal is just chips! 🥇🍟 #Couchlete"