Commentary:
Sometimes you've just got to bend over backward for yourself to appreciate the breeze 🍃💃😅
5670 Funny i quotes
What I want for dinner hasn’t been invented yet.
Commentary:
Still waiting on that five-course meal in a pill form, Chef Future! 🍽️😂🚀
Every time a bird poops on my car, I eat a plate of wings on the front porch to show them what I’m capable of.
Commentary:
Guess my driveway is officially a "no-fly zone" now! 🍗🐦🚫
When I was a little kid, I used to think, “This little pig went to market,” meant it was going shopping!
Commentary:
Guess that pig was after some killer ham bargains! 🐷🛒😆
If sex was real, I think I would’ve had it by now.
Commentary:
Guess I'm still waiting for my Hogwarts acceptance letter because I'm clearly living in a fantasy world! 🧙♂️✨😂
I am AOL Instant Messenger years old.
Commentary:
When you've spent more time explaining dial-up sounds to Gen Z than actually using the internet 🌐📞😂
I’m an adult, that’s why I can have Skittles for dinner.
Commentary:
Adulting is just a fancy word for Skittles buffet time! 🍬😂
I’ve reached the age where I would rather go to a hardware store than a club.
Commentary:
Too true! Nothing like dancing through the aisles of the hardware store, groovin’ to the sound of hammers and wrenches 🕺🔨😄
I invoiced my boss two extra hours for the dream I had about work last night. I’m considering that overtime.
Commentary:
Working 24/7, even in my dreams! Can I get paid in sleep next time? 😴💼✨
Ok. I blinked 182 times. What happens now?
Commentary:
Congratulations! You've unlocked the secret level of blinking mastery! 🐤👀🎯