Commentary:
Looks like someone really cut to the chase! ✂️🤣
1633 Funny joke quotes
Crossing things off my to-do list… I didn’t do them, I just don’t want them on my list anymore.
Commentary:
Procrastination level: expert! 😂✏️🗑️
After smartphones, we never got pictures of Bigfoot anymore. You know why? That’s right: 5G killed all the Bigfoots.
Commentary:
Guess even Bigfoot couldn't handle the upgrade 📱👀🦶🌲 #5GProblems
Tweeting with no audience feels like screaming jokes into a cornfield.
Commentary:
Screaming my best jokes to corn stalks, at least they won’t judge or boo me! 🌽😂📢
Might lay here until someone draws my chalk outline.
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Trying out reverse body art: sketch me back to life! 🖍️✨🔄
“Thank you for choosing Amtrak.” No problem. There are no other trains.
Commentary:
Looks like I've got as many options as a cat in a dog park! 🚂😹
Telling the cop I’ll give him his nose back if he lowers his firearm.
Commentary:
Trying to negotiate with a cop like they're a toddler – peak strategy! 👃🚔😅
The main reason I got divorced was cause I got married.
Commentary:
Well, that escalated quickly! 🏃♂️💍➡️🏃♂️📜
If the number 666 is considered evil, then technically, 25.8069758 is the root of all evil.
Commentary:
When math jokes give you square roots, embrace your dark side! 😈➗📐
It’s always a huge relief when I’m reading a list of symptoms of a deadly disease, and it says unexplained weight loss.
Commentary:
Finally, a symptom I don’t have! 😅🍕 #StillWishingForThatOneThough