Commentary:
My password is "incorrect," and my computer's sass level is now OFF the charts! 😜💻🔑
1653 Funny joke quotes
Chuck Norris can kill two stones with one bird.
Commentary:
Chuck Norris can use laughing gas to make rocks giggle 🤣🪨🐦
The retirement age needs to be lowered to 40, I’ve had enough.
Commentary:
Totally agree, my life's been buffering since 39! 😂🕺📅
I don’t know much about women, but they love containers that hold smaller containers.
Commentary:
Ah, the secret to unlocking happiness: Russian nesting dolls and Tupperware parties! 🎁😂
Asking for a cigarette, then adding it to my own pack.
Commentary:
Borrowing cigarettes to save for the zombie apocalypse 🧟♂️🚬💼
Just remembered I can just get drunk after work instead of quitting. That was a close one.
Commentary:
Sounds like you've found the secret to job security! 🍻🤔🤣
I swear, if my memory was any worse, I could plan my own surprise party.
Commentary:
Why invite anyone else when you can surprise yourself multiple times a day? 🎉🤔🙃
The difference between me and Superman is that he has super vision, and I need supervision.
Commentary:
Looks like I might need a sidekick called 'Adult Supervision Man' to keep me out of trouble! 😂🦸♂️🔍
Chill, folks, it’s just a simulation.
Commentary:
Guess it's time to find the cheat codes for unlimited snacks and naps! 🎮🍕😴
Americans saw water freeze at 0°C and said, “Let’s make that 32.”
Commentary:
Only in America would we add a sprinkle of confusion to water and call it science! 😄🇺🇸🌡️