1624 funny joke quotes - Page 6 - Wordgag

A dyslexic man walks into a bra.

May 29, 2026

Dollar Tree need to just go ahead and change the name to Tree of Unexpected Prices.

May 29, 2026

They’re selling me on Temu tomorrow.

May 29, 2026

If you’ve never been hit with gay allegations, you’re not fly enough.

May 29, 2026

Therapy? I have Spotify.

May 29, 2026

Before I agree to the new year, I wanna read the terms and conditions.

May 28, 2026

I’m really into writing short fiction, mainly to-do lists.

May 28, 2026

My dental plan is, “I guess I’ll just chew on this side of my mouth from now on.”

May 28, 2026

A delivery driver just asked for my date of birth. I said, “94.” He replied, “Is that 1994?” Oh, sorry mate, no. My bad, that was 1794. Right around the French Revolution.

May 28, 2026

Handing over my ID at the post office. The clerk said, “You’ve aged quite a bit since this photo was taken.” I said, “Yes, I had it taken just before I joined this queue.”

May 28, 2026

My psych professor asked if we’d heard of Pavlov. I said, “It rings a bell.” No one laughed; I’m too witty for this class.

May 28, 2026

My toddler asked if we could go to the zoo today, and I said, “I can’t see that happening.” Then she literally left the room and came back with my glasses.

May 28, 2026

Telemarketer: “Hello, am I speaking to the head of the household?” Me, handing the phone to my cat: “It’s for you.”

May 28, 2026

I consider the second page of Google results the dark web.

May 28, 2026

I always leave my friends voicemails in case they suddenly decide to be a musician and need an interlude.

May 28, 2026

I don’t mean to disrupt the hotel industry, but how about checkout is 24 hours after you check in?

May 28, 2026

God doesn’t do nearly enough smiting anymore.

May 28, 2026

The Epstein files are real, but they can’t figure out how to convert them to a PDF.

May 28, 2026

It’s not sleeping alone if there are crumbs in your bed.

May 28, 2026

What archaeologists are really looking for is a hand digging back.

May 28, 2026

Love Island is fun, but when is Job Island on?

May 28, 2026

Eating dark chocolate is practically eating vegetables.

May 28, 2026

I’m old enough to remember when the hole in the ozone layer killed us all off.

May 28, 2026

I’m gonna turn all this pain into something beautiful, like a poorly timed joke that makes everyone feel weird.

May 28, 2026

You’ve agreed to go out with me, so that’s going to immediately count against you.

May 28, 2026

I once made a joke to a coworker, and she said, “It was the funniest thing I ever said,” and suggested I post it. It got 10 likes.

May 28, 2026

I hate when I turn off my brights for an incoming vehicle and then realize it’s a Cybertruck.

May 28, 2026

Took control of my life today and canceled my AOL subscription.

May 28, 2026

Scrolling should count as cardio.

May 28, 2026

I invoiced my boss two extra hours for the dream I had about work last night. I’m considering that overtime.

May 28, 2026

This post is highly top-secret. You need to forget that you’ve seen it immediately.

May 28, 2026

Ok. I blinked 182 times. What happens now?

May 28, 2026

Youngest siblings are literally weaponized incompetence, final boss.

May 28, 2026

I’m sorry I mistook all our laughs, long nights, sweet texts, and inside jokes as you caring. I’ll think twice before wasting my time again.

May 28, 2026

“Boy, you made these perimenopausal ovaries come back to life,” – me flirting.

May 28, 2026

Half of Twitter is horny, half is depressed, and the other half don’t know how to do math.

May 28, 2026

Let me help you turn that software into hardware.

May 28, 2026

If bugs could talk, they would probably say things like, “What the bug?”

May 28, 2026

I just went to Crazy Town, and they said you’re a local legend.

May 28, 2026May 28, 2026

Why can’t periods just last for an hour? Like, you made your point, I’m not pregnant, you can leave now.

May 28, 2026