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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇦🇴 has bookmarked:

Apparently, “spite” is not an appropriate answer to “What motivates you?”

Someone from 🇬🇹 has bookmarked:

How dare you? I’m literally the sweetest most rage filled person on earth.

Someone from 🇴🇲 has viewed:

Capri Sun tastes as if scientists had bet that they could make fruit juice without fruit.

Someone from 🇲🇹 has downloaded:

Putting sunscreen on kids feels like cardio.

Someone from 🇦🇿 has downloaded:

Let’s draft everyone who has their phone on military time first, since you’re all so eager.

Someone from 🇪🇬 has bookmarked:

Every day when I get home, I thank my cats for allowing me to live in their house.

Someone from 🇧🇸 has shared:

There is nothing an orgasm can’t fix, I have researched it extensively.

Someone from 🇨🇺 has bookmarked:

Putting mental health before my education is a good idea until it affects my education, which affects my mental health, which affects my education.

Someone from 🇲🇽 has copied:

I tried counting sheep so I can fall asleep but that got boring, so I started talking to the shepherd instead.

Someone from 🇳🇷 has bookmarked:

Never mind a Roomba, I need a robot garbage can that will follow my kids around the house all day.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

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Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,685

Social Media Log 💫

Broadcasted on Twitch:

For as long as that song was, you’d think the Ghost Busters would have mentioned their phone number at least once.

Seen just now on Slack:

Let’s hope those bridges you burn keep you warm at night.

Freshly posted on LinkedIn:

Partying hard on this Friday night, and by partying hard, I mean laying on my bed starfish-style.

Live now on Snapchat:

I appreciate all clouds. Fluffy, non-fluffy… it’s how Bob Ross would’ve wanted it.

Just landed via Discord:

Dear Black Friday… We all have big TVs now, put the groceries on sale.

Just landed via WeChat:

Dear Santa, I’ve been good all year. Most of the time. Once in a while. Never mind, I’ll buy my own stuff.

Just shared via X:

I’m so old that when I take a walk down memory lane, I get lost.

Just landed via TikTok:

There are too many movies about vampire hunters and not enough about vampire gatherers.

Seen just now on Pinterest:

Me going to work because I’m too honest to scam people, too shy to be an influencer, too good for a sugar daddy, and too dumb for crypto.

Seen just now on WhatsApp:

Oh, you’re in a situationship? Which one are you, the liar or the loser?

26 Funny jump quotes

More funny jump quotes 👇

The class: “You want us to do what?” Super Mario: “Jump around, catch and eat the giant mushroom, bang your head against the crates and, if necessary, crush all the critters. It’sa easy!”

1 month ago

activity, around, bang, catch, class, crates, critter, crush, easy, eat, fun, fun activity, game, giant, head, humor, jump, Mario, mushroom, super, Super Mario, video, video game, want
Microdosing bungee jumping by bending over to pick up a hair tie.

1 month ago

activity, bending, bending over, bungee, bungee jump, funny activity, hair, hair tie, humor, jump, jumping, lightheartedness, microdosing, over, risk, thrill, tie
Rabbits jump and they live for 8 years. Dogs run and they live for 15 years. Turtles do nothing and live for 150 years. Lesson learned.

1 month ago

activity, dog, dogs, humor, jump, lesson, lifespan, live, nothing, rabbit, run, turtle
I don’t jump to conclusions, I cannonball into them like a boss.

1 month ago

boss, cannonball, conclusions, confidence, diving, exaggeration, humor, i, jump
“Jump to Recipe” is the closest we’ll ever get to teleportation.

1 month ago

cooking, ever, humor, internet, jump, recipe, shortcut, technology, teleportation, well
Trying to explain to my cat why she can’t jump off the balcony, even though I want to as well.

1 month ago

animal, animal behavior, balcony, behavior, cat, emotion, even, explain, human, human emotion, humor, i, jump, owner, pet, pet owner, trying, want, well, why

For even more funny jump quotes, hit next 👇

All funny jump quotes & images can be used for free for non-commercial purposes 👌

Random Funny Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

50 shares on X this month:

Before I drink, I eat liver so the liquor won’t know which liver to attack.

54 shares on Twitch this month:

Thanksgiving is just me trying to look cute while holding a fork like a medieval warrior.

66 shares on Discord this month:

My patience is like a gift card, not sure how much is left but lets give it a try.

49 shares on Snapchat this month:

Hopefully it won’t be as bad as it already is.

55 shares on Slack this month:

The cashier said, “Have a good day,” but she doesn’t mean it.

41 shares on X this month:

Don’t be ashamed to fart while you urinate, cause there is no rain without thunder.

94 shares on WeChat this month:

On a dare, my son sprayed deodorant in his mouth. Now he speaks with an Axe scent.

75 shares on Instagram this month:

Goodbye, August, don’t let the door hit you on the way out.

36 shares on WhatsApp this month:

You can tell they named the aardvark early in the week and the anteater on a Friday.

51 shares on Telegram this month:

Teach a man to fish, and he will eat for a lifetime. Teach your kid about stingrays, and he will pretend to sting you all afternoon.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇧🇬 has viewed:

No revenge, but I hope you stutter every time you try to dirty talk with someone.

Someone from 🇧🇷 has copied:

Sorry, I don’t think I can hang out this weekend, my 4-year-old is still telling a joke.

Someone from 🇦🇴 has shared:

When your kids embarrass you in public, the only way out is to turn away in disgust and mutter loudly, “Who raised you?”

Someone from 🇲🇻 has viewed:

Having a job is crazy. When you’re at home, you feel lonely and want to go to work. When you’re at work, you’re exhausted and just want to go home.

Someone from 🇰🇪 has downloaded:

I’ve realized there’s more to life than social media, so I guess this is goodbye for the next 12 minutes.

Someone from 🇹🇱 has copied:

Holding this fart in feels like I’m pregnant with a dinosaur.

Someone from 🇮🇹 has downloaded:

Before you laugh at kids who believe in Santa, remember there are grown men who believe that Cristiano Ronaldo is a better footballer than Lionel Messi.

Someone from 🇸🇬 has bookmarked:

I want Wolverine claws. Not for violence or anything. I want them for easing my way through reality. Like opening an Amazon package.

Someone from 🇦🇫 has copied:

Accidentally punched myself in the face while trying to pull my blanket up, and if that doesn’t accurately describe my life, I don’t know what does.

Someone from 🇳🇦 has shared:

When you have bad handwriting, notes to yourself are just fun little mysteries you get to solve later on.

Social Media Log 💫

Shared recently on YouTube:

Just heard my knee crack so loud I expected it to glow in the dark.

Spotted on Snapchat:

I’ve been saying for years that cigs are better for you than vapes, and the vindication I feel now is just orgasmic.

Just shared via Slack:

It’s only 9am and I’ve already ruined my son’s entire life by giving him the banana with the brown spot on it.

Broadcasted on LinkedIn:

Why do my kids have Veteran’s Day off, they haven’t done shit.

Just landed via LinkedIn:

If someone texts “Do you have a minute,” it’s a trick. Don’t fall for it.

Freshly posted on Snapchat:

In your 20s, you’ll meet a short man. It’s very important you jump over him.

Shared recently on Twitch:

If you start a sentence with “Let me reiterate…”, I’m gonna ignore it the second time too.

Just shared via Slack:

No, I wasn’t dancing. I got harassed by a bumble bee.

Shared recently on X:

Marriage is like a phone call at the night: First there’s the ring, and then you wake up.

Seen just now on Facebook:

Stop bothering me, or I will inform you of a behavioral pattern that is noticeable to other people, but I can tell you are not yet aware of.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

26 Funny jump quotes

More funny jump quotes 👇

The class: “You want us to do what?” Super Mario: “Jump around, catch and eat the giant mushroom, bang your head against the crates and, if necessary, crush all the critters. It’sa easy!”

Microdosing bungee jumping by bending over to pick up a hair tie.

Rabbits jump and they live for 8 years. Dogs run and they live for 15 years. Turtles do nothing and live for 150 years. Lesson learned.

I don’t jump to conclusions, I cannonball into them like a boss.

“Jump to Recipe” is the closest we’ll ever get to teleportation.

Trying to explain to my cat why she can’t jump off the balcony, even though I want to as well.

All funny jump quotes & images can be used for free for non-commercial purposes 👌

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨