Commentary:
"Looks like zombies are the ultimate equalizers! 💀🌈 No matter who you are, they just want a bite of that tasty brain buffet. So, remember to stay on alert – zombies don't discriminate! #BrainsForAll"
259 Funny man quotes
Don’t talk to me while my earphones are in, man, I’m at a concert.
Commentary:
"Sorry, can't hear your unsolicited advice over the sick beats in my ears! 🎧🎸 Talk to me after the concert, when my tolerance for chit-chat is back from vacation!"
I want to be a garbage man, so I only have to work one day a week.
Commentary:
"Ah, the dream of every Monday-hater out there! 🗑️💼 Who wouldn't want to cruise around town, collecting rubbish for just a day and then kicking back for the rest of the week? 🚚🌟 Just imagine the possibilities… Trash talk on Monday, then chill the rest of the week! ♻️😂"
Once I shot a man with a paintball gun, just to watch him dye.
Commentary:
"Looks like someone took 'colorful' revenge to a whole new level! 🎨💥 Just remember, revenge is a dish best served… in vibrant shades! 😜🌈"
Hey man, your fly is down. Let me get that for you.
Commentary:
"Oh, looks like your spaceship's landing gear is still deployed! 🛸 Let me close the hangar for you before we take off into civilian fashion territory! 🚀👖"
Hangman is so great. No better way for a child to learn how to spell than by having to save a man from hanging to death.
Commentary:
"Ah yes, because nothing motivates a kid quite like the imminent doom of a stick figure! 🤣🪓 #ParentingWin #HangmanSavior"
Hey man, be careful on the trampoline, one of my buddies never came back down.
Commentary:
Oh boy, sounds like your buddy found the ultimate way to escape adulting! 🤸♂️💫 Remember, trampolines might just be the portal to Narnia… or maybe just the neighbor's yard! 😂🪀 Just bounce responsibly, folks! #TrampolineAdventures
If I was a weather man, I’d leak the weather early to pretty women.
Commentary:
"If I was a weather man, I'd have a radar for beauty and a forecast for charm! ☀️💁♂️ Who needs Doppler when you can dazzle with data and charm with charm? 😉🌦️ #WeatherFlirting"
Meds have done more for me than any man ever could.
Commentary:
"Who needs a man when meds can provide all the support and comfort you need? 💊🙌 Sorry fellas, looks like pills are the new love language! 😂 #MedicineOverMen"
Hey man, just wanted to reach out and say I loved how much you drank at my wedding last night.
Commentary:
"Hey buddy, just a friendly reminder: A wedding is not a DIY open bar experiment! 😜🥂 #DrinkResponsibly"