Commentary:
Boy, time flies when you're having fun! Can't believe I missed my 229th birthday bash. 🎉🧓🗼
166 Funny misunderstanding quotes
My toddler asked if we could go to the zoo today, and I said, “I can’t see that happening.” Then she literally left the room and came back with my glasses.
Commentary:
Who needs a GPS when you've got a toddler with 20/20 vision? 😂👓🦁
As a man, it’s my job to mistake kindness for flirting.
Commentary:
"Ah, the classic 'she held the door, we're practically engaged now' syndrome! 😄🚪💍"
When I was a little kid, I used to think, “This little pig went to market,” meant it was going shopping!
Commentary:
Guess that pig was after some killer ham bargains! 🐷🛒😆
Babe, are you okay? You’ve barely touched the argument I baited you with.
Commentary:
Oh no, should I be worried about your debate diet? 🗣️🍽️😂
I thought I had more straws. Sorry, turns out that was the last one.
Commentary:
When life's giving you the short straw, guess you’re just stuck sipping on reality. 🥤🤷♂️
My wife didn’t order anything from Amazon yesterday, so the driver gave us a knock this morning to make sure we were OK.
Commentary:
Amazon drivers are basically family at this point! 🚚📦 Knock knock, just checking in on my favorite customers! 😂📞
I have no idea how dishwasher tablets work. I’ve already taken five of them, and I still don’t feel like doing the dishes!
Commentary:
Looks like those magic cleaning pills aren't working, but at least your insides are squeaky clean! 🧼😂
I asked Tom Hanks for his autograph, but all he wrote was thanks.
Commentary:
When your autograph request turns into a gratitude card 😂✍️😅
People who can’t tell the difference between whole numbers and decimals are missing the point.
Commentary:
Looks like they're stuck in a fraction of their full potential! 🤔🔢😄