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New funny quotes: 6 this month

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Updated: Jun 2, 2026

 

 

 

 

 

109 Funny nice quotes

Funny nice quotes poke fun at the awkward, overly polite, or “too nice for their own good” moments we all know too well! 😂😇 Whether it’s smiling through rage, saying “no worries” when you’re actually fuming, or being “nice” just to avoid conflict, these quotes remind us that being nice can be a full-time comedy act. Because sometimes, nice people are just *very* polite comedians! 😆🎭🤝

Be nice to your children’s teachers. Especially elementary ones, cause kids have loose lips and that teacher has all the dirt on you.

Posted onMay 25, 2026

It may sound crazy but some of us are nice without hidden agendas.

Posted onMay 25, 2026

That was a nice hour long Twitter scroll. Feel much worse as always. See you guys tomorrow.

Posted onMay 25, 2026

I said “cool tattoo” to be nice not because I wanted to hear the 45 minute origin story.

Posted onMay 25, 2026

Vanilla perfumes are so nice. It’s like walking into a bakery but you are the bakery.

Posted onMay 25, 2026

Some call it flirting… I call it just being extra nice to someone who is extra attractive…

Posted onMay 25, 2026

Be nice today, the world is on fire.

Posted onMay 24, 2026

When they dress up really nice, but all you can think about is the thrill of taking it off.

Posted onMay 24, 2026

I have nothing nice to wear for the government shutdown.

Posted onMay 24, 2026

Forget sexy talk. I want breakfast talk. Describe those waffles to me nice and slow.

Posted onMay 24, 2026

“Help us improve Instagram!” Nice try, fix your own damn website.

Posted onMay 24, 2026

It’s too bad he never woke up and chose violence. “Bob Ross, mob boss” has a nice ring to it.

Posted onMay 24, 2026

I hope your day is as nice as my ass.

Posted onMay 24, 2026

I don’t even want to talk about the things I had to do to that elf to get back on the nice list.

Posted onMay 24, 2026

You could be having a nice day and then somebody your own age says they bought a house.

Posted onMay 24, 2026

Welcome to adulthood: you’re not exhausted, you’re just awake. Have a nice day.

Posted onMay 24, 2026

My favorite things about Twitter are that everything you read is true, everyone is nice, and all intentions are pure of heart.

Posted onMay 24, 2026

Being a dinosaur sounds kinda nice. No bills, no work, just extinct.

Posted onMay 24, 2026

It sucks that brainwashing is a bad thing, because generally speaking the idea of washing my brain sounds so nice.

Posted onMay 23, 2026

Nice to finally get back that hour they stole earlier this year.

Posted onMay 23, 2026

It’d be nice if my bank account filled up as quickly as my laundry basket.

Posted onMay 23, 2026

Dentist appointments are so weird. “Hi, nice to meet you, could you root around in my mouth for a bit?”

Posted onMay 23, 2026

Nice tots you got there. Be a shame if someone tatered em.

Posted onMay 23, 2026

Kids be like: “Nice bathroom mirror. It would be a shame if I spat toothpaste all over it.”

Posted onMay 23, 2026

You gotta separate the art from the artist. Like, for example, sometimes the artist is really nice but their art sucks.

Posted onMay 23, 2026

I’m actually quite nice. If I had friends, they’d all confirm that.

Posted onMay 23, 2026

Jewelry stores should just be like: Whether you’re trying to be nice or trying to get laid, we got you covered.

Posted onMay 23, 2026

Just spoke to my wife while the internet was down. She seems nice. She’s a nurse apparently.

Posted onMay 23, 2026

If you’re out shopping today, be nice to retail workers. It’s not their fault you waited until Marys waters broke before you started your shopping.

Posted onMay 23, 2026

My attempts to purge my possessions always seem to result in me rediscovering that I have lots of nice things, after which I lie happily on my hoard like a dragon.

Posted onMay 22, 2026

“I thought it might be nice to go around the room and have everyone introduce themselves, including a fun fact.” You thought wrong.

Posted onMay 22, 2026

If I win the lottery, I’m buying four politicians and some really nice shoes.

Posted onMay 22, 2026

Wouldn’t it be nice if you could donate your own body fat to those who need it more urgently?

Posted onMay 22, 2026

Objection your honor, if the prosecutor doesn’t have anything nice to say then he shouldn’t say anything at all.

Posted onMay 22, 2026

I hope we get the nice AI that enslaves us and makes us their pets and not the bad AI that enslaves us to mine lithium or something.

Posted onMay 22, 2026

Apparently the term for migraine-sufferer is ‘migraneur.’ Nice getting recognition as a kind of artisan of suffering.

Posted onMay 22, 2026

I’m sick of getting woken up at 6am by the bin men. I just want a nice sleep but they always insist that I get out of the bin before they collect it.

Posted onMay 22, 2026

Nice thing about dating a doctor is if you wanna stop seeing them, you can just eat an apple.

Posted onMay 22, 2026

Not sure if “life hack” exactly, but I fell down the stairs and now my whole family is being so nice and catering to my needs.

Posted onMay 22, 2026

The date didn’t go well but she was nice enough to send a PDF of everything I did wrong afterwards.

Posted onMay 21, 2026

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