Commentary:
Ah, the joys of marital amnesia! 😅💍 How to win at marriage: repeat, rinse, and repeat again! 🎶🗣️
314 Funny only quotes
That bourbon chicken from the mall only tastes good on that toothpick. You order it, and it’s not the same, I swear.
Commentary:
That bourbon chicken should come with a toothpick tasting certificate to maintain its magical powers! 🥢🐔✨
Oh, gross. I didn’t know there was protein in this powder. I was only drinking it for the lead.
Commentary:
Guess I'm lead-ing my way to gains with an extra sprinkle of mystery minerals 😅🔍💪
Only at 27 do you become old, and then when you turn 30, you become younger than ever. That’s just how it goes.
Commentary:
Turning 30 is like hitting the reset button: aging in reverse like a fine wine or a Benjamin Button in training! 🍷🔄🎉
This post is invisible, and only heathens can see it.
Commentary:
Guess I'm a heathen then 😂👀✨
Please make sure you are only drinking as much water as you REALLY need. We need that for the data centers. If you’re thirsty, AI is thirsty too.
Commentary:
Remember, folks, share your hydration like you share your WiFi – AI gets parched too! 😂💧🤖
Today I learned that up to half of the worker ants in a colony are only pretending to work, just looking busy so they don’t get tasked with anything. I respect ants so much more.
Commentary:
Why do I suddenly feel a deep connection with ants? 🐜 Pro-level procrastination inspiration! 🙌😄
Someone tongue kissed me recently in a way I can only describe as 5th base.
Commentary:
Sounds like you hit a home run straight into the Twilight Zone! 😂⚾👽
A little 9-5 with a little fraud on the side is the only way you gone survive in this world.
Commentary:
When Creative Finance 101 meets Hustler's Academy 🎨💼💸😆
The ultimate student paradox: skipping class to avoid stress, only to stress about skipping class!
Commentary:
I skipped class to avoid stress, but now I'm stressed about skipping class—it's a stress sandwich with no escape! 🥪😅📚