83 funny open quotes - Page 2 - Wordgag

If I worked for UPS, there would be a 100% chance I’m falling out that open door when I turn a corner too fast.

May 19, 2026

I can’t wait to open my phone tomorrow and find out what we’re mad about next.

May 18, 2026

If you ever feel like a failure, just remember, Domino’s tried to open pizza chains in Italy.

May 18, 2026

And to my children, I leave 127 open tabs on Safari.

May 18, 2026

If a door closes, I’m just going to open it again.

May 18, 2026

If I open a restaurant, there won’t be a menu. You will get what you deserve.

May 18, 2026

No open job postings for “Warrior Poet” found in your area. Please try another search.

Apr 1, 2026

Like an advent calendar, you make me want to open up more every day.

Apr 1, 2026

If I had a tiny girlfriend, I would love to throw her across gaps so she can pull levers and open doors that get me to her part of the level.

Apr 1, 2026

The best part of having a failing memory is that you can wrap up presents for yourself, and when it comes time to open them, you are honestly surprised.

Apr 1, 2026

We keep a potato masher in a drawer because sometimes it’s fun to not be able to open that drawer.

Apr 1, 2026

SHEIN does entirely too much on their app. Feels like a freaking casino every time you open it.

Apr 1, 2026

I hate the person I become when I try to open a package using the ‘Tear Here’ notch, and it stays sealed.

Mar 31, 2026

How do I get one of those fake corporate jobs where I work remotely, get paid for responding to one email a day, and have a laptop on with Outlook or whatever open?

Mar 31, 2026

Parenting a teenager is surreal because you’ll be sitting there, and some dude who is much taller than you will walk around the corner and ask you how to open a popcorn bag.

Mar 31, 2026

It’s crazy how genuinely entertaining it is to stare into an open fire. That’s some real epigenetic memory shit.

Mar 31, 2026

Do you all introverts ever open a text and think, ‘I’ll reply when I have the energy,’ and then it’s three weeks, and you have to live with the guilt of being a horrible friend.

Mar 31, 2026

Girls ask for help to open a jar, but can throw a couch during an argument.

Mar 31, 2026

The feminine urge to open a coffee shop that’s also a library, a bakery, and a flower shop.

Mar 31, 2026

Automatic doors that don’t open fast enough make me look dumb.

Mar 30, 2026

Potato chips ARE vegetables! I exclaim as I tear open the third bag.

Mar 30, 2026

You don’t know about stupidity until your female friends open up about their love life.

Mar 30, 2026

British people never go downstairs; they just jump out of a window and open an umbrella like Mary Poppins.

Mar 30, 2026Mar 30, 2026

We keep a potato masher in a drawer because sometimes it’s fun not to be able to open that drawer.

Mar 30, 2026

Thanks for leaving my door open; I was running low on houseflies.

Mar 30, 2026

I have browser tabs open that are older than you.

Mar 30, 2026

My love life feels like when you finally spot an open space in a full parking lot — and then boom, it’s a motorcycle.

Mar 29, 2026

I found out why my computer keeps freezing. Apparently, I’ve got too many windows open.

Mar 28, 2026

Everyone is all “love is patient” during the wedding, but when there’s a long line for the open bar, not so much.

Mar 28, 2026

Not a religious man but I do say a short prayer whenever I open a gas station restroom door.

Mar 28, 2026

I have a drawer in my kitchen that I can’t open anymore because of that one time I decided to put a spatula in it.

Mar 28, 2026

Does anyone else feel like their brain has a hundred tabs open at once?

Mar 28, 2026

If you’re looking for a quiet place to talk to yourself, my DMs are open.

Mar 28, 2026

My bad if I ever left you on read. I didn’t mean to open the message.

Mar 28, 2026

The only thing I love more than an open mind is an open bar.

Mar 28, 2026

Two words have helped me open a lot of doors in my life. Push and Pull.

Mar 27, 2026

Opening up to a woman is like talking to the police, anything you say can and will be used against you.

Mar 27, 2026

If there’s no open mouth cougher on the plane they hold the flight until they can find one.

Mar 27, 2026

If I had The Force, I’d just use it to open pistachios.

Mar 27, 2026

The sole purpose of some household items is to make it impossible for you to open the damn drawer.

Mar 26, 2026