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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇰🇬 has viewed:

I don’t pay attention to the world ending. It has ended for me many times, and began again in the morning.

Someone from 🇻🇪 has copied:

McDonald’s will “anything else” you to death. Can you wait a McMinute?

Someone from 🇬🇭 has bookmarked:

Being Leonardo DiCaprio is like driving in a school zone. You don’t go above twenty-five.

Someone from 🇲🇾 has viewed:

I’m old enough to remember when FIFA was about kicking balls, not sucking them.

Someone from 🇹🇳 has downloaded:

Not looking for a sugar daddy, but something more of a pay pal.

Someone from 🇳🇵 has downloaded:

You can’t be everyone’s cup of tea, let them sip on their own bland brew.

Someone from 🇲🇰 has bookmarked:

I commented to a friend that I didn’t know how goofy Scream was. It turns out I have never seen Scream. I saw Scary Movie.

Someone from 🇸🇪 has viewed:

Going to the beach as a feet guy must be insane.

Someone from 🇵🇭 has bookmarked:

Maybe the four horsemen of the apocalypse are Twitter, Facebook, Instagram, and TikTok.

Someone from 🇨🇱 has shared:

I’m basically the human version of tangled up Christmas lights.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

239 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,508

Funny Quotes Topics

17,577

Funny Quotes Images

15,508

Updated

Jan 7, 2026

Users Online

3,467

Social Media Log 💫

Seen just now on Messenger:

I love all the Winter Olympic events, sliding downhill on a piece of wood, sliding downhill on two pieces of wood, sliding downhill in a piece of wood. All amazing.

Breaking via Threads:

Giving people access to the internet was a massive mistake.

Spotted on Twitch:

Another beautiful day, ruined by responsibility.

Going bananas on Slack:

Explain it to me like I’m 5 drinks in.

Just shared via Discord:

It’s with a heavy heart and a deep sadness that I have to announce that I’m at work.

Making waves on Slack:

You are why Superman costumes have warning labels telling you the costume won’t make you fly.

Seen just now on WeChat:

My life advice is always the same. Wait for karma, but take up kickboxing, just in case.

Spreading quickly via Twitch:

Pretty sure they’re naming prescription drugs by just grabbing random Scrabble tiles. “Oh hey, Qdilrox sounds good.”

Just shared via Messenger:

Stores should accept “I bought this while depressed” as a valid reason for a return.

Making waves on Pinterest:

They should invent crushes that like you back.

24 Funny paradox quotes

More funny paradox quotes 👇

Have you ever been so stressed that you’re calm?

0

2 months ago

calm, ever, humor, irony, mental, mental state, paradox, state, stress
I hope this email finds you at relative peace with the paradox of existence.

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2 months ago

communication, email, existence, finds, hope, humor, i, irony, paradox, peace, philosophy, relative
I’m at my most math when I solve a problem while creating three new ones.

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2 months ago

challenge, create, humor, i, irony, math, new, paradox, problem, solve, three
Schrodinger’s Immigrant: A person who is simultaneously too lazy to work, but is also stealing your job.

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2 months ago

humor, immigrant, irony, job, lazy, paradox, person, Schrodinger, stealing, too, work
It’s a paradox that your nose is running and your feet smell.

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2 months ago

feet, nose, paradox, running, smell
Called in, “I’m a time traveler. I came in today yesterday.”

0

2 months ago

call, came, humor, i, joke, paradox, time, time traveler, today, traveler, yesterday
I want to be cuddled, but I also want to be left alone. Being crazy is hard.

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2 months ago

alone, being, crazy, cuddle, emotions, hard, humor, i, introvert, left, paradox, relationship, want
I can’t explain it, but I am very bold and very shy at the same time.

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3 months ago

am, bold, contradiction, explain, humor, i, paradox, personality, same, shy, time
The ultimate student paradox: skipping class to avoid stress, only to stress about skipping class!

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3 months ago

avoid, avoid stress, class, life, only, paradox, skip, skip class, skipping, stress, student, student life
Still hard to believe that access to infinite information made us dumber.

0

4 months ago

access, believe, hard, humor, infinite, information, intelligence, irony, paradox, still, technology, us

For even more funny paradox quotes, hit next 👇

All funny paradox quotes & images can be used for free for non-commercial purposes 👌

New Funny Quotes

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Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

32 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Here I am, block me like a hurricane.

88 shares on TikTok this month:

My hair would never allow me to commit a crime. I really do leave my DNA everywhere.

14 shares on Slack this month:

There’s an epidemic of people just staring at their phones in their parked cars.

95 shares on WeChat this month:

I hate apps that shut off your music when you open them, like how fu*king important do you think you are?

35 shares on Twitch this month:

I told my wife to embrace her mistakes. She gave me a hug.

49 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Had an interview today, and my belly rumbled. The lady goes, “Missed lunch?” I told her, “Nah, I’m hungry for success!”

36 shares on Slack this month:

When you’re late for work, you gotta walk in fast and act like you’re mad.

22 shares on Facebook this month:

I can handle most things in life, but hearing people chew isn’t one of them.

70 shares on YouTube this month:

I wish I was as tired in bed at night as I am after lunch at work.

20 shares on WeChat this month:

Women are actually very understanding if you’re honest with them, especially if they like you. You don’t even have to do all that lying.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇧🇪 has viewed:

Of course I intermittently fast. That’s when I sleep.

Someone from 🇹🇷 has bookmarked:

I want a small, tasteful wedding. No family. No friends. No groom. Just me eating a big cake.

Someone from 🇲🇻 has copied:

“Why are you so quiet?” Because I’m barely even here.

Someone from 🇵🇱 has bookmarked:

I love saying “sounds good” at work, and no shit be sounding good.

Someone from 🇹🇭 has downloaded:

Who called it asking the waiter about the specials and not retrieving data from the server?

Someone from 🇻🇺 has bookmarked:

Just drafted the drunk text I’m going to send after one drink this weekend.

Someone from 🇶🇦 has downloaded:

Where do I see myself in 5 years? I don’t even know where I am right now.

Someone from 🇰🇳 has copied:

My issue with Jeopardy is that you never get the sense that the contestants are in any real danger.

Someone from 🇭🇹 has shared:

Adulthood is basically just trying to fall asleep at night and stay awake during the day.

Someone from 🇩🇯 has shared:

My kids asked me what games I used to play on my iPad as a kid. I told them I used to speak into a fan to sound like a robot.

Social Media Log 💫

Just shared via Reddit:

There is nothing worse in life than calling customer service and hearing an Indian accent.

Just shared via TikTok:

They monitor me harder than Britney Spears around here.

Freshly posted on Facebook:

Losing and then immediately gaining weight is my superpower.

Just landed via Messenger:

We all have needs. I need my wife to go run errands so I can swipe the last donut.

Going viral on Threads:

The only men you can trust is ramen.

Just shared via Twitch:

What is that job called where you put the little stickers on fruit? I think I would be good at that.

Going viral on Instagram:

Diet hack: Spend your money filling up your gas tank so you won’t have money for groceries.

Live now on YouTube:

It’s hard to sleep knowing that cake is in the fridge.

Going viral on YouTube:

Sleep with each other, or someone else will!

Making waves on YouTube:

I don’t understand how some people find love several times in their lives. I first have to find someone who doesn’t get on my nerves.

Activity Log ✨

24 Funny paradox quotes

More funny paradox quotes 👇

All funny paradox quotes & images can be used for free for non-commercial purposes 👌

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨