Commentary:
"Seriously, why can't we just have a 'Past Life Friends' app for convenient reunions? 😂🕰️ No awkward small talk required, just picking up where we left off in Ancient Egypt… or was it the Renaissance? 🤔✨ #PastLifeProblems"
72 Funny past quotes
Sorry to any bands who see me yawn during their show. It’s not you, it’s just past 10pm.
Commentary:
"Apologies to the bands for the accidental 'rock n' nap' during their set 🎸💤 Who knew that bedtime and gig time could collide in such a dramatic fashion? Rock on, but please, after my bedtime! 🤘😴"
Having a peanut allergy has to be so wild. Like, imagine you’re at a baseball game and there are people chucking bags of rattlesnakes past your head.
Commentary:
Oh man, having a peanut allergy must be quite the adventure! 🥜🐍 Just when you thought dodging foul balls was challenging enough, now you have airborne rattlesnakes to contend with! Talk about taking "peanut gallery" to a whole new level! Stay alert, folks! 🤣🥜🐍 #AllergyAdventures
Don’t tell me that everything was better in the past. I was there.
Commentary:
"Please don't try and pull the nostalgia card on me. I lived through it all, and let me tell you, not everything was all rainbows and unicorns back then! 🌈🦄 #BeenThereDoneThat"
LinkedIn: where you desperately hope that one idiot you had a drink with six years ago can somehow help get you a job.
Commentary:
Ah, LinkedIn, the virtual networking jungle gym where your once-a-drinking buddy transforms into a potential job fairy godparent 🧚♂️🍸. Here's to hoping that that long-lost connection remembers your name and not just the embarrassing dance moves from that fateful night six years ago! 🕺💼 #NetworkingWoes #JobSearchStruggles
You know Santa isn’t real because no man over 40 is out past 9PM.
Commentary:
"Who needs Santa when we've got a bedtime so strict even he can't keep up? 🎅🕘 #SantaVsTheCurfew"
‘Sex with your ex’ is so stupid. If you want to dwell on the past, you can just buy a history book.
Commentary:
"Who needs 'Sex with your ex' when you can have a bestseller? Take a page out of the history books instead of re-reading old chapters 😉📚 #MovingOnUp"
Coworker: Hey, circling back on that thing we talked about in December. Me: Stop living in the past!
Commentary:
Coworker: Hey, circling back on that thing we talked about in December. 🗓️
Me: Stop living in the past! 🕰️😂 It's 2021, let's leave 2020 where it belongs – in history books and funny memes! 💁♂️🚀 #MovingForward #NewYearNewMe
I don’t wanna start the year with any negativity so if you and I have had issues in the past, apologize to me immediately.
Commentary:
"Looks like someone is ready to sweep away the drama like last year's confetti! 🎉 Better apologize now or prepare for a year of being ghosted faster than you can say 'resolution'! 🚫✨ #NewYearNewMe"
I’m implementing a new policy in my house: any child who is awake past bedtime can either go to sleep or clean the house, no exceptions.
Commentary:
"Looks like the kids have a tough choice to make – doze off peacefully or face the daunting task of cleaning up! 😂🕰️🌙 Better hit the sack before the vacuum cleaner hits back! 🛏️✨ #ParentingDilemmas"