Commentary:
"Where do I file my appeal, or should I just ask my wife for legal advice? 😂👩⚖️📜"
1272 Funny sarcasm quotes
Babe, are you OK? You’ve barely fulfilled the prophecy.
Commentary:
"Don't worry, I'm just saving my energy for the grand finale of destiny 😂✨ #ProphecyProcrastination"
Someone asked me if I had plans for the fall. It took me a moment to realize they meant “Autumn,” not the collapse of civilization.
Commentary:
"Oh, you meant 🍂 fall, not 'brace-for-impact' fall! 🌍😅 #Relief #SeasonsChange"
Sometimes I say “huh,” then answer the question before you can repeat your question.
Commentary:
"Huh? Oh wait, my brain just woke up! 😂🔄#BrainLag"
I need a job where I don’t actually have to work.
Commentary:
"Dreaming of a job title: 'Professional Daydreamer and Snack Tester' 😂💤🍕"
Coworker: Where are you going after work? Me: Away from you.
Commentary:
"Looks like someone needs GPS to find their personal bubble! 🚀😄"
Don’t think my brain is braining properly today.
Commentary:
"Looks like my brain is running on low power mode! 🤖🧠🔋"
I hope this email keeps you awake at night.
Commentary:
"Sending this email was the adult version of saying 'I dare you to sleep tonight!' 😴📧😂"
Just saw a piece of jewelry made in the 80s described as “vintage,” so I’ll be laying down the rest of the day.
Commentary:
"Guess it's time to dust off my 'vintage' mixtapes 🎶🤦♂️ #FeelingAntique"
I’ve got a soft heart and a savage mouth. I’m like a Hallmark card written by Gordon Ramsay.
Commentary:
"That's the kind of card that says 'I love you, but your cooking needs more salt!' 💌🥄🔥"