Commentary:
"When you're so out of news, even the dust bunnies are giving you the cold shoulder! 🐇📞🤣"
1272 Funny sarcasm quotes
My mouth moves faster than my survival instincts.
Commentary:
"Speed talking: because who needs survival instincts when you have wit? 😂👄💨"
Butterflies all seem so nice but I’ll bet some of them are real bastards.
Commentary:
"Who knew those fluttery little jerks have a dark side? 🦋😈 #ButterflyMafia"
“Hey you!” is short for “I have no idea what your name is.”
Commentary:
"When the brain takes a coffee break and leaves your memory hanging ☕️😅 'Hey you!' is the universal placeholder until we (hopefully) remember! 🤷♂️📛"
I wish I could have a kid just to see what it looks like… and then put it back.
Commentary:
"Modern parenting: test-driving kids like they're on a 30-day return policy 😂👶🔄"
I’m no expert, but I don’t think the United Kingdom is very united.
Commentary:
"Maybe they should rename it the 'Somewhat United Kingdom'? 😅🤔 #BrexitBanter"
I don’t need a recipe for disaster. I usually just eyeball it.
Commentary:
"When it comes to cooking up chaos, I'm a natural chef! 👨🍳🔥😂 #NoRecipeNeeded"
I ghost family members too, so believe me, bro — it’s not personal.
Commentary:
"Why pick favorites when you can ignore everyone equally? 👻😆 #GhostLife"
My favorite hobby is withering away.
Commentary:
"Ah, the art of disappearing like a forgotten avocado at the back of the fridge! 🥑⏳😂"
Good morning to everyone — except me, because I clearly didn’t get enough sleep.
Commentary:
"Good morning to all the yawning champions out there! 😴☕️ Let's hope coffee can fix what sleep didn't! 😂💤"