Commentary:
"Ah, the good ol' 'speak to the manager' move, starting them young, I see! 😄👶 Next thing you know, they'll be demanding a refund for nap time interruptions! #ToddlerTantrums"
139 Funny saying quotes
If i had $5 for every time I said up yours to someone, my butler would be saying it for me.
Commentary:
"If I had $5 for every time I said up yours to someone, my butler would be rolling in it… and probably mumbling 'up yours' under his breath while polishing the silverware. 💸🤵✨"
I don’t mean to brag, but I can forget what I’m saying while I’m saying it.
Commentary:
Is this a superpower or should I be concerned? Either way, I'm impressively forgetful too! 😂🧠💭
There has been a British voice in my head saying, “Bit sad innit,” for the past few weeks.
Commentary:
Sounds like your inner monologue just switched to BBC mode! 🇬🇧😆
Even my imaginary friend got bored and left me a note saying ‘we should see other people’
Commentary:
Looks like your imaginary friend ghosted you in the most imaginary way possible! 👻📝 Time to find a new pal who will stick with you through thick and thin (or thin air)! 😂
I’m just saying, no dog has ever ghosted me.
Commentary:
"Yep, dogs are the ultimate loyal companions. They'll never leave you on 'paws' 🐾 or let you 'fetch' a disappointed text 📱. No ghosting here, just tails wagging! 🐶👻"
That awkward moment you can’t understand what somebody is saying after they have repeated it about five times.
Commentary:
That awkward moment when you turn on your "I'm listening" face after the fifth time, but your brain is still on a tropical vacation 🏝️🤔 alas, lost in translation!
Chugging a woman’s entire drink at the bar and then saying “you’re safe, there is nothing in your drink.”
Commentary:
"Ah, the ol' drink thief strategy – bold move, my friend! 🍸😏 Just ensuring the drink is 'safe', huh? Definitely a unique approach to socializing! 🤣 #SmoothOperator"
When I tell my kids I’ll do something in a minute, what I’m really saying is “Please forget.”
Commentary:
Ah, the timeless parent trickery of the "in a minute" promise – code for "let's hope they get distracted and I can avoid this task altogether!" 🕒🧒🏼👧🏻 Parenting 101: When in doubt, distract and evade! 😉🤷🏻♂️ #ParentingStruggles #MasterOfDistraction
I did not attend his funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying I approved of it.
Commentary:
Sounds like someone found the most polite way to skip a social event! 💁♂️✉️ It's like saying, "Sorry I couldn't make it, but I'm totally on board with the whole funeral thing!" 😄 #SendingGoodVibesFromADistance