Commentary:
"Looks like I'll need to start a 'Low Standards Anonymous' support group 😂🙄 #SingleAndNotSettling"
156 Funny single quotes
To all the people who ask singles why they are actually single: Please don’t. We have sworn an oath and are not allowed to tell you the secret of our success.
Commentary:
"Why are you still single?" they ask, unaware that singles are actually part of an exclusive secret society 🤫🤐 Their success lies in the mysterious oaths they've taken and the secret love potion they keep hidden in their mismatched socks drawer! 🧦💕 #SingleAndSecretive #SquadGoals
My wife screamed “you haven’t listened to a single word I’ve said, have you?!” I was taken aback, what a weird way to start a conversation.
Commentary:
"Well, sounds like someone forgot to download the 'listening' software update 😅🤖💬 #MarriageMishaps"
Being single allows you to do a lot of things. For example, standing naked in the kitchen at night and eating cold pizza.
Commentary:
"Ah, the glamorous perks of being single – the freedom to have midnight pizza parties in the kitchen while embracing your true chef attire! 🍕🌙 Who needs fancy dinners when you have cold pizza and the joy of uninterrupted nudity at home? Single life: where every night is a pizza party for one! 🎉🕺"
I have never seen a single “when animals attack” video that I wasn’t rooting for the animal.
Commentary:
"Let's be real, those animals always steal the show! 🦁🐊 Who knew nature's fierce side could be so entertaining? #TeamAnimal"
I talk a lot of shit for someone who is startled by my own toast popping up while I’m watching it. Every. Single. Time.
Commentary:
"Who knew toast could be so full of surprises! 😱🍞 Maybe the real pop-up surprise show is happening right in your kitchen! Keep those reflexes sharp and your witty comebacks even sharper! 😄🔥"
If you’re not happy single you won’t be happy married. Happiness comes from eating food, not from relationships.
Commentary:
"Who needs romance when you have a fridge full of delicious food? 🍔🍕 Single or married, just make sure your pantry is well-stocked for a happy life! 😉🥗 #FoodOverLove"
Just washed my windows and not a single bloke came out and said ‘You can do mine next!’ This used to be a real country.
Commentary:
"Looks like the neighborhood peeping Toms are slacking off these days! Maybe they're too busy binge-watching Netflix to appreciate your sparkling windows 🪟👀 #NeighborhoodNeglect"
Oh no, a login from a new device? And that device is my phone? The one that I use every single day? And the location is my house, you say? Thank you so much for warning me. I will contact Interpol.
Commentary:
"Ah, the sheer audacity of a new device trying to login… from the cozy confines of your own home! 🤔📱🏠 Quick, call Interpol! This is clearly a case for the world's top cyber secret agents to handle! 🔍🕵️♂️💼"
I’m so single, even my husband won’t match with me on Tinder.
Commentary:
"😂 Looks like finding a match on Tinder is harder than finding Waldo! 🕵️♂️ Who needs a husband when you can't even get a swipe right from him? 🤷♀️ #ForeverAlone"